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Pivotal  Halloween  fun ... 


Jokes, quotes and funny stories about Halloween



Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?

A: Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!


Q: What's a monster's favorite bean?

A: A human bean.


Q: Where did the goblin throw the football?

A: Over the ghoul line.


Q: When a goblin comes home from work what does he say his wife?

A:"Hey pumpkin!"



There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin. ~ Linus Van Pelt in "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown"



Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?

A: Because he is always a goblin.


Q: What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?

A: A toasty ghosty.


Q: What do you call two spiders that just got married?

A: Newlywebbed


Q: What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.

A: sour-puss


Trip to Walmart


It was mid-October and I was waiting for my wife, Julie, at the checkout at Walmart supermarket in Worcester, Massachusetts, USA, I noticed that someone had left behind their broom.


When no one came to claim it, I went outside to search for a couple I remembered seeing at the cashier's desk. I spotted them getting into their truck and hurried over.


'Excuse me,' I said to the young woman, 'but did you by any chance leave your broom inside?' 
'No,' she retorted quickly and with a smile, 'we came by truck.'




Q: How do you keep a monster from biting his nails?

A: Give him screws.


Q: Why did the headless horseman go into business?

A: He wanted to get ahead in life.


Q: What's a monsters favorite desert?

A: I-Scream!!


Q: Riddle: the maker does not want, it the buyer does not use it, and the user does not see it, what is it?

A: a coffin.



A photographer goes to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost. The ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer dashes to his studio, develops the film and…learns that the photos are underexposed and completely blank.

Moral to the story: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak



Q: What do you call a monster who poisons corn flakes?

A: A cereal killer.


Q: When do gholes cook their victims?

A: On Fry Day


Q: What's the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference to its diameter?

A: Pumpkin Pi


Q: What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying to quit smoking?

A: A pumpkin patch!!!


Jake: Why couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
Philip: I don’t know.
Jake: Because they were trans-parents!


Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

A: No, they eat the fingers separately...

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich.

What does a vampire fear the most? Tooth decay.

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A hoblin goblin.


Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman and roll them back to her.”

Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets?


Why don't skeletons like parties? They have no body to dance with.

What's the problem with twin witches?  You never know which witch is which.

What did the skeleton say to the bartender? I'll have two beers and a mop.


Dale: What do you do if you want to learn more about Dracula?
Gayle: You join his fang club.


 What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? It's a pain in the neck.

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.

How does a ghost say goodbye to a vampire? So long, sucker!

What do you call a witch's garage? A broom closet.


Wrong Name

One night of Halloween, two guys who were going through the cemetery perceived a tap-tap-tapping sound from a tomb what made them very scared.


When they came closer to the tomb warily, they saw that the noise was made by an old man who was working skillfully with a hammer at one of the gravestones.


They started to feel much better and asked the man, "Why are you doing this work in the middle of the night? You frightened us for a moment."


The old man moaned and complained, "What else can I do? Those idiots spelled my name wrong!


Why do mummies have so much trouble keeping friends? They're too wrapped up in themselves.

Why don't mummies take vacations? They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.

Why do mummies make excellent spies? They're good at keeping things under wraps.


 A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. ~ Erma Bombeck


You might also like …… our other resources for Halloween


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