“It is a damn poor mind that can think of only one way to
spell a word.”
“Nanny Ogg knew how to start spelling 'banana', but didn't
know how you stopped.”
Pratchett, Witches Abroad
“A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other
“Anyone who can only think of one way to spell a word
obviously lacks imagination.”
“Fainali, xen, aafte sam 20 iers ov orxogrefkl riform, wi
wud hev a lojikl, kohirnt speling in ius xrewawt xe Ingliy-spiking
“My spelling is
Wobbly. It's good spelling but
it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places.”
--A. A. Milne
Early Texas governors were not very well educated. There was
once a chief executive who thought "grammar" was his father’s
On one occasion this governor went hunting and forgot his gun.
He phoned his secretary and asked him to send the gun.
"The phone connections bad," said the secretary. "I couldn’t
catch that last word. Spell it."
The governor replied, " G like in Jesus; U like in onion; N like
in pneumonia - GUN, you damn fool!"
"Mah son’s real smart!" crowed the redneck mother to an
acquaintance. "He’s only six
but he can already spell his name backwards and forwards!"
"What’s his name?" asked the friend.
A Hoosier, a Kentuckian and a West Virginian were on a Hollywood
TV quiz show. The
host asked them to complete the sentence: "Old MacDonald had a
The Indianan said, "Old MacDonald had a carburetor."
"Sorry," said the MC. "Thats incorrect."
"Old MacDonald had a flat tire," said the Kentuckian.
"Wrong," said the host.
"Old MacDonald had a farm," said the West Virginian.
"That’s correct!" shouted the MC.
"Now for $200,000, spell farm."
The West Virginian thought hard and then spelled carefully:
If GH stands for P as in Hiccough
If OUGH stands for O as in Dough
If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis
If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbour
If TTE stands for T as in Gazette
If EAU stands for O as in Plateau
The right way to spell POTATO should be GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU!
They're know miss steaks in this newsletter cause we used
special soft wear witch checks yore spelling. It is mower
or lass a weigh too verify. How ever is can knot correct
arrows inn punctuation ore usage:an it will not fined words
witch are miss used butt spelled rite. Four example; a
paragraph could have mini flaws but wood bee past by the
spell checker. And it wont catch the sentence fragment
which you. Their fore, the massage is that proofreading is
knot eliminated, it is still berry muck reek wired.
Prays the Lord for the spelling chequer
That came with our pea sea!
Mecca mistake and it puts you rite
Its so easy to ewes, you sea.
I never used to no, was it e before eye?
(Four sometimes its eye before e.)
But now I've discovered the quay to success
It's as simple as won, too, free!
Sew watt if you lose a letter or two,
The whirled won't come two an end!
Can't you sea? It's as plane as the knows on yore face
S. Chequer's my very best friend
I've always had trubble with letters that double
"Is it one or to S's?" I'd wine
But now, as I've tolled you this chequer is grate
And its hi thyme you got won, like mine.
You are A. B is what they should say.
A: Say toast ten times!
B: Toast Toast Toast Toast Toast Toast Toast Toast Toast
A: What do you put in a toaster?
A: No! Bread! Haa Haa
A: Say Milk ten times!
B: Milk Milk Milk Milk Milk Milk Milk Milk Milk Milk
A: What do cows drink?
A: No! Water! Haa Haa