Jokes about sport
At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young
players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team
is?" The little boy nodded yes.
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together
as a team?" The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you are
out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do
you understand all that?" Again, the boy
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to
I would not want to be a sports commentator, describing the action while
handling the technology and trying to think, all at the same time. But
there are people who actually like juggling, and so here are some quotes
from, "The World Of Soccer Broadcasting."
1. Well, it's Liverpool two, Ipswich nil, and if the score stays this
way, I've got to fancy Liverpool for the win.
2. He had an eternity to play that ball, but took too long.
3. And so they have not been able to improve on their 100% record.
4. With the last kick of the game, he scored with a header.
5. Well, it's a fabulous kaleidoscope of color: almost all the
Brazilians are wearing yellow shirts.
6. If that had gone in, it would definitely have been a goal.
7. Their manager, Howard Wilkinson, isn't here today, which strongly
suggests that he may be elsewhere.
8. I am a firm believer that if one team scores a goal, the other needs
to score two to win.
9. If a team scores early on, it often takes an early lead.
10. You cannot possibly have counted the number of passes made, but
there were eight.
A couple in the middle of a messy divorce case find themselves in
court battling over custody of little Johnny,
their only child. In order to make a fair
decision over the boys future, the Judge takes
Johnny into his private chambers so that he can
find out which of the parents the boy would
prefer to live with.
says the Judge, "Would you like to live with
Johnny, "she hits me all the time"
"Well then," the
Judge continues, "Would you like to live your
Johnny again, "He hits me all the time too!"
The Judge looks
exasperated and says to the boy "Well Johnny,
who would you like to live with?"
"I'd like to live
with Watford Football Club" the boy replied
"Why on earth
would you want to live with the Watford Football
Club?" replied the now extremely puzzled Judge.
Johnny, "They never beat anyone"
Shankly, the late, legendary Liverpool FC
manager reputedly said, 'Some people believe
football is a matter of life and death. I'm very
disappointed with that attitude. I can assure
you it is much, much more important than that.'
Football players at the high school where I
worked were stealing the practice jerseys, so
the coach ordered a set with "Property of
Central High School" emblazoned on them. When
the thefts continued, he ordered a new batch
that had the imprint "Stolen from Central High
School." But the jerseys still kept
disappearing. The larceny finally stopped after
he changed the wording to "Central High School
-- Hal Olsen