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Overcome Self-Doubt – Lose the Illogical Perspective

What is Self-Doubt?

 

I am very familiar with self-doubt. I lived with it for many years, buying into my inner critic and making way for fear to take over. Even though I was told by my parents and mentors how capable I was, the self-doubt kept me paralysed, afraid to even make an attempt at something. I often felt not smart enough, or good enough to even take the first step. I even believed that success was not meant for me. I look back on all the opportunities I missed out on and it is for this reason I write this article in hopes that you the reader can realize how illogical and damaging self-doubt can be.

Self-doubt should be synonymous with paralysis. It is immobilizing and disables the sufferer, preventing him/her from making strides in life. Think back to a time when you felt enthusiastic about a goal and as the time approached for taking that first step, the momentum began to slow down. That little voice inside you head began to say:

  • Are you sure you can do this?
  • What happens if you mess up?
  • Maybe you need to wait - maybe you're not ready

As the days went by you began to doubt your ability to get the task done and before long things were moving in slow motion. You felt stumped, pressured, like all eyes are on you. Then you quit.

 

When feelings of doubt are allowed in our lives, we are unable to achieve our goals or even conceive them. Doubt is that inner voice that often lets us know how incapable we are of accomplishing something. When we are confident we can drive away the doubts. However, when we are not, the doubts will continue to dominate our thoughts, leaving us to feel inadequate. That's right our thoughts! The thoughts take over and before long we begin to believe that no matter what we attempt it wouldn't amount to much, so why even bother? Over time this mentality begins to define us and we fade into the shadows.

It all begins with a thought followed by an action or behaviour. When we allow doubtful thoughts to control our thinking process, we can miss out on many important opportunities in life. The doubts enable a pessimistic outlook and the ability to focus on the positive things in our lives is lost. Then the capacity for learning and growing is slowed down. Many become cynical, depressed, or anxious and a life of mediocrity emerges with little hope for the future. Now, I'm sure this is not the life you plan for.




Is self-doubt consuming you? Are you unable to stop the doubtful thoughts? Is it interfering with your ability to achieve? Begin to recognize these episodes and how frequent they are. Become more aware of what the doubts say and write them down.

 

What Causes Self-Doubt?

 

We are born into societies where there are so many expectations we all have to live up to.

  • There are certain developmental stages and levels each of us are expected to reach from birth. If not we are considered underdeveloped or slow
  • We enter into the school system and expected to complete elementary, middle, and high school. We receive more popularity and recognition when we excel
  • Our parents have their own set of expectations for us
  • Our teachers have their expectations for us
  • After high school we are expected to make a decision for a career and decide where we plan to acquire that skill - what school we will attend, what level of education we want to have, what job title we want to hold.
  • Once we are ready to enter into the business world there are more expectations and successes to attain
  • Then there are the expectations by society, the status, prestige, material possessions. Our society today measures success and achievement by one's net worth.

In order to be considered functional or successful in modern society the above standards are expected to be met. Children are hardly allowed to be children to run around freely with little fear. Instead they feel scared to make mistakes. We live in an age of high motivation and enthusiasm and where everyone seems to have an image of success. Image is what's important, and some even promote that you fake it till you make it. Many of you feel pressured to live up to these expectations and may feel as if you are letting down yourself or your family if you don't. So from that very first grade you receive in elementary school you feel as if you are a specimen under a microscope afraid to mess up and where a pressure to perform or a fear of rejection constantly looms overhead.

True the expectations set for us enable us to become high achievers and attain soaring levels of accomplishment and satisfaction in life. However, for many this can have the reverse effect. When one lacks self-confidence these standards set by society or families can lead to doubt and fear. When one has self-doubt, their limitations are exaggerated to the point that it takes over the thought process and distorts the belief system.

Doubt can be caused by some of the following:

  • Believing that your emotional security depends on someone or something.
  • Feelings of inferiority
  • Low self-esteem
  • Feeling a lack of control over your life
  • Believing that you are not good enough or smart enough to even attempt the smallest of tasks.
  • Anticipating failure even before you begin
  • Unresolved psychological trauma
  • Depression
  • An environment that breeds doubt and negativity
  • Rejection

 

Fear, the Accomplice

 

Doubting oneself is an indication of a greater fear. You know you feel fearful but it's difficult to identify what it is you are afraid of. It could be fear of failure, pressure to perform, or even fear of success. The doubting thoughts begin to take over and the inner critic is eager and ready to help you rationalize your doubts.

 




 

Fear is the accomplice of your doubts. The moment the doubts arise, fear moves in and takes over. Fear lets you compare yourself to others and keeps you focused on what you cannot do rather than what you can do. I recall when I returned to college at 30 how doubtful I felt at first. I saw all the energetic, enthusiastic students, fresh out of high school with their minds intact and ready for learning and I saw myself as old and less capable. My doubts turned into fear and at some point I wanted to quit - to give up and not even try. My fears had such a hold on me that I was willing to throw away a hopeful future. I became frustrated, sarcastic, and closed off from the world. Luckily, my parents and my mentor recognized my fears and countered them, encouraging me to take the first step forward.

 

Self-awareness is a critical step to overcoming fear and removing doubt. When fear is allowed to dominate, all hope is lost. Sadly, we cannot even recognize our fears and doubts thus they continue to control our lives. This is why having mentors, coaches or people close to us are an essential part of achieving success. The more we know about ourselves, the more in tune we are about what holds us back. The more aware we are the more empowered we are to do something about it. We can begin to identify the source of our fears. Is it coming from a past trauma, the way you were raised, or is it a perception of the present or future? Is it a lack of confidence? With becoming more self-aware, we are quicker to admit our fears and handle life in a more productive way. Self-awareness triggers acceptance, which opens up the door for healing. This allows us to seek the help we need to deal with our fears and let go of doubt.

 

Do you know your fears? Are you aware of what holds you back? Take this time to look inside. Be true to yourself. This begins the process of letting go of doubt. If not, allow a mentor or a coach in to give you the insight you need to move forward.

 

Pivotal resilience

 

Letting Go Of Doubt

 

We all have moments throughout our lives where we doubt ourselves. Many can let go of them and not allow them to take over, while others fall victim to the intrusive thoughts that undermine your ability to succeed. And remember they are all thoughts. So who keeps the thought in your mind? You do! Let's take a look at how to let go of doubts.

 

The best way to let go of doubt is to build your self-confidence. This means feeling better about your own abilities. When you feel incapable and begin to doubt yourself, fear is right around the corner just waiting to move in and reside in your psyche. Once fear enters the subconscious, the negative talk begins, the self-criticism emerges and the vicious cycle continues. Here are some ways to build your confidence.

  • Educate yourself in whatever it is you are trying to accomplish. Take a course, attend seminars, workshops, meet people in that field and network. The more you know the more empowered you feel and empowerment removes doubts.
  • Associate with positive people who recognize your abilities and encourage your efforts. Get their feedback about your ideas - most likely it will be more objective and beneficial. Avoid the negative folks. Negative people are also full of self-doubt and will work to bring you down to their level of insecurity. They will inject more doubt in you and your efforts can seem futile.
  • Set realistic goals. Someone once said "when in doubt take the next small step." Taking realistic steps ensure that you will be capable of accomplishing the task and build your confidence in the process. If you set unrealistic goals you most likely will fall short and this adds to level of self-doubt. With the accomplishment of each realistic task, your confidence will improve, your fears will subside, and your self-doubt will diminish.




  • Learn to handle setbacks. In life there will be successes and setbacks. Of course you want to hope for the best outcome but when disappointments arise or things didn't go as planned you have to see this as part of the game of life. Use the setbacks as an opportunity to learn and improve your game plan. This is not the time to sulk and doubt your efforts. Get some feedback from an expert in the field, make the necessary adjustments and keep moving forward.
  • Introduce more positive self-talk. Talk to yourself as if trying to encourage a doubting friend to feel better. Remind yourself "you can do it." Feed positive affirmations to yourself throughout your day until it becomes a habit. These affirmations have a tendency to replace self-doubt.
  • Learn to handle criticism. In life there are always going to be people who will try to put you down or reject your efforts. Rejection is a terrible thing and can be easily filtered through our thoughts in the form of doubts. I have seen clients who receive enormous praise for their efforts but when one person criticizes them it destroys all they good they have done. Think about how illogical this is and don't allow other people to destroy your efforts. Please click here to learn how to deal with criticism.
  • Find a coach or a mentor. At times we cannot recognize our vicious cycle of self-doubt. Others can see it but we can't. A coach or mentor can help you to identify unhealthy beliefs, doubts, and unrealistic expectations that undermine your performance. They can also help you determine the sources of doubt and resolve them. This kind of guidance can move you light years ahead in achieving your goals.

Begin today to lose the self-doubt. Take a look at what scares you the most and begin to address them. Don't continue to allow your doubts to control your destiny. It's time to look within and free yourself of doubt so you can live your full potential.

 

Audrey Marlene is an expert professional life coach whose life experiences give her more insight into playing the game of life. Her success in coaching and mentoring individuals from the impoverished to top executives has given her the leading edge in coaching.

http://www.audreymarlene-lifecoach.com

You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

You are a Badass is the self-help book for people who desperately want to improve their lives but don't want to get busted doing it.

Pivotal book - You are a badass

Bestselling author, speaker, and world-traveling success coach Jen Sincero cuts through the din of the self-help genre with her own verbal meat cleaver in You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life. In this refreshingly blunt how-to guide, Sincero serves up twenty-seven bitesized chapters full of hilariously inspiring stories, sage advice, easy exercises, and the occasional swear word, helping you to:

- Identify and change the self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviours that stop you from getting what you want.
- Create a life you totally love. And create it NOW!
- Make some damn money already. The kind you've never made before.

Sincero takes you on a wild joy ride to your own transformation, helping you create the money, relationships, career, and general all-around awesomeness you so desire. And should you be one of those people who dreads getting busted with a self-help book in your hands, fear not. Sincero, a former skeptic herself, delivers the goods minus the New Age cheese, giving even the snarkiest of poo-pooers exactly what they need to get out of their ruts and start kicking some ass.   By the end of You Are a Badass, you'll understand why you are how you are, how to love what you can't change, how to change what you don't love, and how to use The Force to kick some serious ass.

With over 1 million copies in print, Jen Sincero's You are a Badass has become the latest self-help classic: a book that has made skeptics believe in "The Force" and hone its power to create positive changes in their lives. Full of unforgettable lessons like "Fear is for Suckers" and "Your Brain is Your Bitch," this special, hardcover edition boasts a fresh interior design and a new introduction from the author, reflecting on the book's almost-5-year span of incredible success.

If you're ready to make some serious changes around here, You Are a Badass will help you: Identify and change the self-sabotaging beliefs and behaviors that stop you from getting what you want, blast past your fears so you can take big exciting risks, figure out how to make some damn money already, learn to love yourself and others, set big goals and reach them - it will basically show you how to create a life you totally love, and how to create it NOW.

About the Author:

Jen Sincero is a #1 New York Times Bestselling Author, success coach and motivational cattle prod. She's helped countless people transform their personal and professional lives via her seminars, public appearances, newsletters, products and books such as, "You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life" and the forthcoming (woot!) "You Are a Badass at Making Money: Master the Mindset of Wealth."

She's spoken on stages all over the world and has helped her clients build their dream businesses, become NY Times Bestselling authors, navigate million dollar business deals, find their soul mates and forgive their bitchy mothers who they now realize were doing the best they could. Jen has run her business from all corners of the globe and is really sick of writing in the third person.

I got my first real job, one that didn't involve wearing a hairnet or bending over the hood of a wet car with a towel in my hand, in the early 90′s working for CBS Records. While there I started my first of several rock bands and eventually wrote my first book, the semi-autobiographical novel, "Don't Sleep With Your Drummer."

When my plans to become a world-famous rockstar didn't pan out, I decided to try being a lesbian instead, didn't pull that off either, and wrote my second book, the national Bestseller "The Straight Girl's Guide To Sleeping With Chicks".

My hope is that by speaking, coaching and writing about all the things that make me excited to be spinning around on this planet of ours, I'll inspire you to recognize, and pursue, whatever it is that floats your banana, to tap into your own little badass, to be you times two, large and in charge, huge like The Nuge.

Please sign up for her free newsletter at JenSincero.Com

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Life’s Biggest Con

What scares you? What stories do you make up to con yourself into holding back? What would you do if you didn't con yourself into being scared?

I've done something that scared the heck out of me. But it also turned out to be the best thing I've ever done!

Two years ago, I discovered that my Dad needed a kidney and as soon as I realized I might be the answer he needed, the voices in my head began to resist and shout!

"NO WAY can I give up a kidney! Are you kidding me!? I need both kidneys! I can't do it!"

Fear struck me down in an instant. I had never given up a body part. For that matter, I had never even stayed in hospital.

Despite the fear, I mentally considered the idea ... and I the more I thought about it, the more terrified I became. What if I had kidney failure in the future? Would I be able to have kids? What if something went wrong and I had impaired health for the rest of my life? Don't we need both kidneys?

All the while, Dad never asked me or any other member of our family for a kidney. I decided to get tested on my own. I was the only one in my family that got tested and I felt isolated. I felt like Dad's health was my responsibility alone. The fear held an even firmer grip on my mind.


 

And to accelerate the mental spin I was already in, there were plenty of well-meaning people ready to offer up their unsolicited opinion to help build and fortify my "wall of fear."

These were just a few of the fantastic and ridiculous comments I heard:

· "I know someone who donated a kidney and they got really fat as a result. You might get really fat". (A young woman's worst fear!)

· "Will you be able to have children?"

· "You'll have to give up alcohol."

· "You'll have to change your diet, become a vegetarian."

· "What happens if your kidney fails and you don't have a spare?"

· "What if you're in a car accident and your remaining kidney gets hurt?"

· "What about the yin and yang and flow through your body that they refer to in Chinese medicine? Losing a kidney will interrupt that and ruin your health!"

In the midst of all that, I decided to move forward. Dad told me I could pull out at anytime and he wouldn't think the worst of me. But I had made up my mind and I began to rise above the fear, rise above my own con job.

 

By the time the day of the operation arrived, I was actually calm.

When I awoke from the surgery, the doctors had me on a drip line and added 7kg of fluid to my body - even my chicken legs were fat! And they had pumped my body cavity full of gas. My surgeons joked that I looked like I should be in the maternity ward!

But, guess what? That was the worst of it. Despite my fears and the warnings of well-meaning friends, there were no complications and my recovery was quick. I was only in the hospital for 4 days. It only took a week for the fluid to leave my body and a few short months for the swelling to deflate completely. I was dancing - albeit somewhat carefully - after just 2 weeks, and returned to work after 4 weeks.

Now, giving up a kidney should be pretty scary for anyone, right? It's an important body part and you can't get it back once it's gone. It certainly was a scary prospect for me! But I did it, and the truth is that it wasn't a big deal. It wasn't a big deal at all! It was only my thinking that made it so. It's sort of like bungy jumping. The scariest part is the fear you con yourself into believing before you jump. After you jump, it's exhilarating.

I realized that I was incredibly fortunate to have been given an opportunity to donate my kidney. With that realization, though, came an insightful question that stopped me in my tracks:

If I could give up a kidney ... if it really wasn't such a big deal ... then what else could I have done if I hadn't let fear get in the way?

I could ... I CAN ... do so much more! I got it! I wasn't living up to my potential and I was 100% responsible. The only thing holding me back was me! I have since decided that I am not going to waste another minute. I LIVE, not exist. I've got massive goals and thoroughly ENJOY every moment of my life.

It's been over two years now and I'm delighted to report that Dad hasn't rejected the kidney. My gift has given Dad a far superior quality of life, has had zero adverse effects on my health, and the whole experience has undoubtedly brought Dad & I closer. I have realized that the joy is truly in the giving.

And I understand that fear is simply a con game we play on ourselves. It is all in our mind.

By acting in the face of fear and giving up my kidney, I received the greatest gift imaginable. I feel fantastic! My life is utterly different now, I LOVE it! From this experience, I've acquired a massive desire to wake people up, to let them know that they should never let fear hold them back, to inspire them to live NOW ...and to make the world a better place.

I'm up for big stuff ... and I'm going for it.
What are you up for? You'll only discover what you're capable of doing if you are willing to do it afraid!
Adrienne Rich
Auckland, New Zealand, Current Member - Bob Proctor Coaching Program

For more information on Bob Proctor Coaching programs or to comment on today's story, please email: bob@bobproctorcoaching.com 

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Catching Courage : How to Stop Hesitating, Take Control Over Your Anxieties, and Believe in Yourself – Use Obstacles to Your Benefit

Do you stay silent because you fear rejection and judgment ? Are feelings of inadequacy and self-sabotage preventing you from living the life you want? Catching Courage gives you more than fearlessness – it gives you unshakable confidence in your own powers and chases away the feeling that you’re not able to start or finish things.

 

 

Say goodbye to the days when you let possibilities slip through your fingers.

Be GUTSY in every situation life throws in your way.

Catching Courage is a special book that will help you understand that courage is the necessary quality to build confidence.

Self-doubt is a natural feeling but you can get over it.

Impossible only exists if you believe it.

Time to learn how to overcome the feeling of inferiority and achieve success. It takes you step by step through the process of how courage is built with the help of studies, personal stories and actionable exercises at the end of each chapter. Say goodbye to fear of rejection and inferiority complex once and for all.

Catching Courage is ground zero to any kind of life improvement.

How do I know this? I am currently the author of multiple best-selling books in the United States being a non-English speaker! I could do it, and you also can whatever you wish for! The only barrier between you and success can be this one quality: courage to take chances today what others plan on doing tomorrow.

What tools will Catching Courage give you to become more courageous:

- A special S.W.O.T. analysis sample to rightfully judge your challenges.

- 2-3 tailor-made exercises to each chapter for maximal improvement.

- 4 actionable steps to detect and overcome different type of fears.

- My unique T.I.M.E. method to make prioritizing super easy.

How will you live courageously?

- By learning how to unleash your curiosity.

- Having the guts to be the decision maker of your life.

- By learning to do what’s necessary first.

- Become mentally prepared to any challenge.

After all, courage is the key of a life full of adventures worth living for.

Courage opens you the door to shape your world based on your desires. It helps you to seize the goals that you’ve always longed for, and thought that were impossible to do.

Escape your fears and stop self-sabotaging, know that living a full life doesn’t mean the absence of fear, but the will to take the risk and do it anyway.

Turn your insecurities into action and see how your life is going to change into a daring adventure.

About the Author:

Zoe McKey is a Communication and Personal Development Coach and bestselling author. Visit www.zoemckey.com and get access to Zoe's Unbreakable Confidence Checklist for FREE.
She has lived on her own from a young age, which has shaped her sense of tenacity, perseverance, and self-worth. She brings over ten years of practical knowledge in her coaching and books.
Zoe speaks five languages fluently and has clients from all around the world. She has a BA and graduate degree in international studies. When she's not on her mission to change the world, she loves to paint, do CrossFit, and dance Zumba.

To buy the book ...    Book Depository  or Amazon

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The 5 Second Rule: Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage

 

National Bestseller!

How to enrich your life and destroy doubt in 5 seconds.  

Throughout your life, you've had parents, coaches, teachers, friends and mentors who have pushed you to be better than your excuses and bigger than your fears.  What if the secret to having the confidence and courage to enrich your life and work is simply knowing how to push yourself?

Using the science of habits, riveting stories and surprising facts from some of the most famous moments in history, art and business, Mel Robbins will explain the power of a “push moment.”  Then, she’ll give you one simple tool you can use to become your greatest self.

It takes just five seconds to use this tool, and every time you do you’ll be in great company. More than 8 million people have watched Mel’s TEDx Talk, and executives inside of the world’s largest brands are using the tool to increase productivity, collaboration, and engagement.

In The 5 Second Rule, you’ll discover it takes just five seconds to:

Become confident

Break the habit of procrastination and self-doubt

Beat fear and uncertainty

Stop worrying and feel happier

Share your ideas with courage

The 5 Second Rule is a simple, one-size-fits-all solution for the one problem we all face—we hold ourselves back.

The secret isn’t knowing what to do—it’s knowing how to make yourself do it. 

Book Trailer

Buy the book

RRP: AU$ 33.62

10 % Discount AU$30.26 For Pivotal Gold Members. Membership is Free. Click here to register

40% Discount AU$20.17 For Pivotal Gold Plus Members. Join here

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If I had a dollar

If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me “I can’t believe you could do that”, I’d be standing on a pile of money.

 

I can’t believe you can stand in front of an audience and not get nervous, I can’t believe you can feel that comfortable about cold calling business, I can’t believe you can ride that zip line, I can’t believe can walk into that room full of executives and not be intimidated, I can’t believe you can return to study at your age, I can’t believe you can travel overseas by yourself…and on it goes. What I’ve found most interesting about these comments is that to me, none of these actions are really a big deal.       Nor are they for some others either I know, but after hearing comments like this enough times, I have realised that acting without fear isn’t easy for a lot of people.

 

After consideration, I realised that the confidence I have to take on activities that many people find frightening, has been developed and nurtured.  And anyone can do the same. I realised rather than talking myself out of doing something and finding reasons, why not, why I can’t, I now automatically start to think how can I…what do I need to do to make that work?  Now, fortunately most things come easy, but it has taken work to get to a place where I feel confident in just about any situation.

 

When Franklin D Roosevelt famously quipped “We have nothing to fear but fear itself”, he was on the money.

 

What enables a person act without fear in a situation?  I believe there are three behaviours that must become intrinsic to shift a mindset from fearful to confident.

 

Number One:    Take a Risk

 

Next time you have an opportunity to do something that scares you, just say yes instead of over thinking reasons why you can’t.  Evoke Neales Donald Walsh quote “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone” to inspire you to take risks to delight in all life offers.

 

Number Two:    Learn a Skill

 

Continually learning new skills means you open yourself to new ideas.  Every time you do something you haven’t done before, you allow yourself to expand your experience and shift your perspective.  Consider what new activity/skill you have always wanted to accomplish and begin.

 

Three:  Become Proficient

 

It makes sense doesn’t it?   If you can do something well, you will be confident doing it.  If you want to have the confidence to speak from stage then you need to not only obtain the skills, you also have to practice, practice and practice some more.  To speak well and with confidence on a subject you need to be well rehearsed.  Every time you stand in front of an audience you will be less nervous until you will eventually feel confident to enough you can address any problem that might arise.  The same goes for any fear you want to overcome.

When you live without fear, your stress levels are reduced all the “good hormones” work effectively in your body and can cope with real problems more effectively.

Principal Trainer and Director of Shifting Visions, Janeen Vosper, typically works with Sales Teams, Small Business Owners and Entrepreneurs to overcome their fear of selling and cure cold calling reluctance. She assists people to identify and crush hidden fears that block their potential as presenters to learn how to make speeches with ease and confidence…and also offers easy techniques to conquer Fear of Failure that affects many components of life.  You can view Janeen's profile here  =>  http://bit.ly/16p0UH9

Keep On Dancing

 


If you are feeling like you have gotten a little "off track" with your intentions this year, not to worry. Be gentle with yourself. Take a few minutes to read today's post, and just remember to "Keep On Dancing".

What I have noticed lately, is that things don't always seem to happen for the reasons we think, and that can be perfect for us. I started several projects in the last few weeks, that did not work out the way I thought they would, or the way I wanted them to, thank God.


Because they did not work out, space was created for something much better to come into my life. And so, I was able to better understand, that it is not always about the end result of a choice or a project, but how taking that step to go for it in the first place, makes you feel.

What is important, is that you take some inspired action, because your vibration while you are doing something that excites you, and you are passionate about, is what will bring you the essence of what you wanted in the first place. It just may not come from where you thought it would.

What is so freeing about all of this, is that it removes a lot of the fear around moving forward, fear that you may fail, be disappointed again, or even embarrassed. It gives you the courage to just step up to the plate and go for it, no matter what the outcome.

If you are feeling stuck, and afraid to take the next step, or any step for that matter, you will never achieve the life of your dreams. Life is not always about being comfortable. It is about moving forward, out of your comfort zone.

And the interesting thing about it is, that the more steps you take, the stronger and more confident you feel inside, where it really matters, and pretty soon you begin to realize that there truly is nothing that you cannot do, that anything is possible, just as long as you keep on dancing.

Veronica Hay

Veronica Hay is the author of In a Dream, You Can Do Anything.An extraordinary collection of writings that will uplift you, motivate you, inspire you, and gently guide you along the inner path of your life.Go to: http://www.insightsandinspirations.com or feel free to email your comments about today's message to: veronicahay@telus.net 

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You can be a success despite the nerves

I don't particularly like X_Factor videos and the emotional hype that goes with them, but watch this one, and you have to be inspired, especially if you suffer from performance nerves. If this man can do what he did, so successfully, so can you!!

Get rid of any phobia with the Rewind Technique

 

Can you imagine getting rid of absolutely ANY fear or phobia...

... In just 10 minutes?

Scientists have just given the official nod to a brand new NLP-based system that enables you to literally "erase" old fears and phobias - in a matter of minutes.

Fear of public speaking, fear of spiders, fear of death, fear of failure - whatever it is - it can be permanently deleted.

Read about it here

Delete any phobia

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On Confidence (or – Don’t Be Scurred!)

 

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." - Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 32nd president of the United States.

If you're an American, you've heard this quote before. Probably most people in English-speaking countries have heard it as well. Have you ever really thought about it, though? I mean really took the time to analyze the message, dig some deeper meaning, find the truth in it? Probably not. This quote is absolutely 100% fact. There is nothing to fear.

Fear is a paralyzer to action. Fear is the ultimate demotivator. Fear really is the only thing to be afraid of, because fear is the only thing that keeps us from doing the things we want to do.

You want to go hiking in the mountains, but you're afraid of heights. You want to walk through the woods, but you're afraid of snakes, or spiders. You want to travel the world, but you're afraid to fly. You want to live out your dreams, but you're afraid of going broke (even though you already are). You want to hit on that girl or guy, but you're afraid of rejection. Don't be.

The feeling of achieving the pinnacle of that mountaintop far outweighs the fear you feel when you look down over the world. Nature is more scared of you than you are of it. Planes are statistically safer than cars. Money isn't real. Most people aren't scary. But you're letting your fears outweigh your confidence. Hopefully, once you've finished reading this article, that won't happen any more.

Have you ever watched an illusionist (magician who uses tricks of the eye to perform "magic") perform? Most of us are very inspired, and shocked, by the acts they perform, because what we believe we see them doing is perceived by us to be dangerous and scary. So then why don't the magicians ever appear to be scared? Because they've no reason to be. The things they do could be done by any human being on earth, "magician" or not. Their acts look scary, but in fact have very little danger involved at all. And most things tend to follow this pattern.

The way you perceive the world has more impact on how you live your life than any actual circumstances or situations you find yourself in. If you're getting mugged, with a gun stuck in your face and a hand out waiting for your wallet, what do you do? If you're fearful, you fumble around for your wallet, produce it, and as soon as the mugger turns around, you run your ass off in the other direction.

If the guy really wanted to shoot you, though, wouldn't he have just pulled the trigger and robbed your corpse? Doesn't that seem a little easier? Do you think he WANTS you to put up a fight? No. He wants your money; he just doesn't know how to ask properly. So he threatens you for it. And if you're intimidated, he gets what he wants and learns nothing. But if you ask him, "hey, how come you didn't just shoot me and rob my dead body? What do you need the money for?" you'll probably get an answer. People are nicer than you give them credit for. Even most muggers.

The problem with them is they just never learned what it means to connect with people. They know that killing is wrong, which is why they didn't just shoot you right off the bat, but they don't know how to approach or interact with people without being threatening.

So what do you do with these misguided souls? You talk to them. Find out why they need your money. Are they hungry? Would they like to go get a bite to eat instead of robbing you? Are they homeless? Would they like some help finding a warm bed, instead? Would they like to go to the bar and get a drink? Most people who are criminals aren't crazy (though of course there are some who are); they're just scared. They're scared of starving, scared of freezing to death, scared of alcohol withdrawal. The money in your pocket isn't going to help them, and they know that, but I really think that in most cases, they're not looking for your money. They're looking for someone who will give them a chance, let them prove themselves, help them connect with people and guide them to being a person worth befriending. People have an innate need to be liked and loved. It's been proven time and time again that almost no one WANTS to be hated. "Love and Belonging" is the third of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, right after eating and breathing, and then security. It is a NECESSARY aspect of life for a human being to achieve their true potential, and if you look at that chart, self-confidence comes AFTER love and belonging.

So show these people some love. Take them out to the bar; find out their story. Befriend them. Introduce them to your friends and family; take them under your wing. If you put some faith in them and show your own confidence when you're around them, it will rub off. But if you fear them, they'll fear you, and the rest of humanity as well. Nature is funny that way.

Are you scared of dogs? If so, then you've probably noticed that dogs act funny around you. They're either shy, with their tail between their legs, hiding behind their masters, or they're mean and vicious toward you; it depends on how the owner treats them. How did I know that? Well, I've owned a lot of dogs, and believe it or not, they're a lot more like people than you'd think. Have you ever heard that animals can smell fear? Well, it's partially true, as fear in people can release certain hormones, and most dogs' noses are good enough to smell it. But the real reason it seems that animals "smell" fear is that it's a natural reaction for an animal, or a person, to reciprocate whatever feeling another being is putting off.

If you show fear, people will panic with you. If you show anger, people get angry. If you're depressed, you depress whomever you're hanging out with. If you show kindness and compassion, people show it back. If you show confidence, you can inspire people to be confident.

Obviously, there are those times when people are inconsolable, can't be reasoned with; their emotions have a deathgrip on their mind and they can't be set free. But these times usually last no more than a few hours, maybe a few days at most. Most of the time, your feelings and your personality, depending on its traits, will rub off on the people you socialize with, as theirs will rub off on you. But one trait that never rubs off is lack of confidence.

A lack of confidence is like being a ghost. You can occasionally show people that you exist by flicking a light, or making a barely-audible noise, but for the most part you go unseen and unnoticed. And your problem is NOT that other people think you're unattractive, or think you're boring, or think you're worthless; it's that YOU think those things. Other people are just naturally reciprocating YOUR feelings. Which makes you feel more insecure, which makes them find you more unattractive, which makes you feel more insecure, which makes you more unattractive, and so on and so forth.

I had a rather large girl (not my type, but pretty enough, all the same) hit on me at the bar last night. She asked me to come sit and talk with her, and I agreed; I'll talk to anyone about anything. But once I got over there, she lost all confidence. She stared at her cell phone for 15, 20 minutes at a time, not saying a word. When I would bring up something to talk about, she'd listen, and respond appropriately, but she never brought up any conversation topics of her own. So I talked about my interests; the Fed, how I want to start a revolution, about my ex-fiancee, about judgement, and greed, and zombies. Then I asked what she was passionate about.

She said horses. I asked if she owned one, and she said no, because she didn't have enough land for it. I asked if she had ever worked on a horse farm, and again she said no. And when I asked why, she told me "because who would want ME to work on their horses?" Wow. We live in an area where there are TONS of farms, most with horses, but NOBODY would want to hire this girl? No way. This girl's problem was not that she wouldn't bust her butt to take care of someone's horses, but that she was too afraid to go ask someone if she could. She's so afraid of rejection that she doesn't even want to TRY to follow what she's passionate about. People do this far too often, and it makes me very sad.

Do you love your job? Does it make you happy to walk into the doors of your office every day? A few people are answering yes; but for most of you, the answer is a big, resounding HELL NO. Why? Shouldn't you love what you do for a living? How can you be really good at something you don't like doing? You can force yourself to complete your daily tasks, of course, but then you waste so much energy doing what you DON'T want to do that when you get home you're too tired to focus any energy toward your real interests. Hence, part of the reason the divorce rate is so high now. This is also part of the reason more and more kids are little assholes these days; with a big mouth full of cuss-words, and a serious sense of self-importance.

People are too drained from forcing themselves to slave away for money at a job they don't like to actually do any parenting, or love-making. So why keep doing it? For God's sake, go do something you like so when you get home you can tell your wife and kids all about your day without sounding like a damn half-asleep robot. Do what you're PASSIONATE about. Fear, like money and the federal government, only has as much power over you as you allow it to. If you don't live your life with confidence, then you'll never truly live your life. If you allow the fears of being broke, or being injured, or being rejected to control you, then they will. And if you don't, they won't.

When you get scared of doing something, always ask yourself "what's the worst that could happen?" You can come up with all kinds of wild-ass theories and hypotheticals, but 99% of the time, none of these things will happen. And 99% of the time, you're overanalyzing, letting your fear be your security blanket, so you don't have to deal with any potential consequences. But you won't fall off the mountaintop; you won't get a deadly spider bite; your plane won't crash; you won't starve or freeze from being broke; and you won't get utterly shut-down by that cute girl/guy at the bar. Because people are better than that. YOU are better than that, smarter than that.

If you really analyze your actions, you will see that fear is always what keeps you from acting. I can't do this because I'm afraid of _______. But there's nothing to fear. "The worst that could happen" almost never comes to pass. And if you're passionate about something, you'll encounter hardships and strife, but when all is said and done, you'll still be doing something you love, and you'll be driven to figure out how to do it again without the hardships. That's the beauty of the human mind.

We can always fix any problems we have, but not if we're too scared to find or face the problems in the first place. Be fearless. Do what you want to do instead of what you're told you should be doing. You can always find 10,000 reasons that something can't work, but it only takes one solution. Be fearless.

Author: Jeremy Blackbird http://forthegreatergoodblog.com