Tag Archive for: decisions

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Ever Been Lost?

 

As you begin another new year let me ask you - have you ever felt lost in any area of life? Feel lost at some point last year? Don't want to live the coming year lost? I could go on, but I know your time and attention span is short so on to my purpose of this short article.

Years ago - without your GPS lady if you got lost you had to stop at a local gas station or some business to ask for directions or you just could have stayed wandering in hopes of eventually finding your way to your destination.

I recall a few years trying to find the rental car location at the Denver airport and driving in circles cause my phone had died. Missed the flight and spent a lot of extra time at the airport. Ever had a similar experience - and not necessarily at an airport?

What exactly does it mean to be lost? For help I turned to the dictionary - misplaced, vanished, missing, mislaid, no longer possessed or retained, lost friends, no longer to be found - finally - having gone astray or missed the way, bewildered as to place, direction etc.

So, let me ask you where in life can we be lost? Here are a few - wrong career - lost? Bad or poor relationship - lost? Bad or poor personal habits - lost? Financial mistakes, too much debt or bad spending habits - lost? Confusion about what really matters in life - lost? Yes, there are many others but let me ask you - ever felt lost in any of these areas? I know I have and I'm not ashamed to admit it - cause - till I did I was unable to find my way out of lostness (yes, I know that's not a word).

Being lost in any area of life can waste time, energy, resources and life in general. Ever stayed in the wrong job to long? Guilty! The wrong relationship too long? Guilty! So, Tim where are you going with this? OK, there are five things we need to consider when it comes to being lost; where are we lost, why are we lost, are we lost because of ourselves or others, have we been lost in this same area in the past and how do we get un-lost?

Where are we lost - Lost is more an emotional than physical issue. Generally speaking your GPS lady is not going to help you get out of a bad relationship or job.

The best way to determine if you are lost is to consider the following; if you are feeling a lot of - stress, confusion, anxiety, frustration, a lot of negative or invalidating self-talk, resentment, disappointment, unmet expectations, you are most likely lost - maybe not super lost but lost nonetheless. Doesn't matter whether it's a relationship, business, career or any other area - it's most likely a time for - a change, letting go, surrender, new growth, acceptance, an ending, a new beginning or at the least some quiet introspection time.

Why are we lost - well, a few taken from the above pretty much sums this one up.

We are lost because; we feel stuck, feel obligated, are afraid we can't handle change, don't like uncertainty, are in blame mode, feel abandoned or just lonely - any or all of these and many others can contribute to lost feelings or actually being lost.

Are we lost because of ourselves or others - there is little in life we can control, in fact the only thing we can control is ourselves - our decisions, choices, attitudes, mindsets, feelings etc. You would be amazed, maybe not, how many people believe they can control - the weather, the traffic, other people, consequences and just about everything. Got news for you - no can do - no matter how hard you try or how much you feel you should be able to control everything. So, if you are a control freak I'm guessing you are lost a lot and why? Because you are placing your destiny, legacy, happiness, health etc. in the hands of others or circumstances that you will never be able to control. So being lost is ultimately a decision we make due to any number of uncontrollable factors.

Have we been lost in this same area in the past - This one is simple - if you have ever been lost a second or third time in the same life area - guess what? Right, you didn't learn what life wanted you to learn during the previous lostness so it's giving you another chance. And guess what? If you don't learn it this time it will keep giving you more opportunities to learn it until you finally do. Boy, I am so guilty of this one that I hate to admit it in public.

How do we get un-lost - well there's a book here but I'll keep it short. In no particular order of importance;

-Spend more time in honest self-examination and introspection.
-Create an honest support group (3-10) of people who you can bring real issues to and they will be honest with you no matter what. Never rely on just one person because no matter how smart they are you will only get their opinion and trust me - one is never enough.
-Have a couple of coaches - never just one and make sure they have experience in the areas where you want or need guidance.
-Learn to accept the truth and not your version of it.
-Change your mindsets about change, uncertainty or new beginnings. See them as positive, necessary and valuable.
-Get outside of your own ego-driven attitudes, paradigms and comfort levels.
-Admit failure, mistakes, poor choices and/or decisions.
-Don't get stuck in other's realities - stay focused on what is really happening or going on and not what others want you to see or believe.

As an author, I could go on for pages with this stuff, but let's wrap it up with one key point. Sooner or later in the adventure we call life - all of us are going to feel lost, get lost or be lost in some area of life. If you live life to the fullest you can't avoid mistakes, bad decisions or choices, failure etc. "lostness" but what you can do is learn from it or them, so you don't keep getting lost again and again in the same life area. There yet???

 

Author:  Tim Connor  Global speaker and trainer (23 countries and 4000 presentations) on a variety of sales, leadership, motivation, management and business and personal relationships and best selling author of over 80 books. To subscribe to my weekly free motivational booster articles send me an email - tim@timconnor.com. 704-875-1230.

 

 

Make A Decision For Your Life And the Rest Will Fall Into Place

We may be afraid of making a decision because we are afraid of what we may have to give up, what we may have to actually do to back up that decision. We are in that conundrum because we are still operating from the win/lose model. That is the model that says you are either wrong or right you have to lose something in order to gain something else. Granted to step into our authentic life we will have to be ready to leave our old life behind, but not because our old life was wrong. We may have gained all we needed to gain and now it is time to move in another direction. A direction that will bring about an abundance of blessings, growth and a larger than life kind of life.

Making a decision that is pertinent to our life does not have to be such a huge production. There really is no win/lose in life. It is all win/win. Each direction that our path takes us is loaded with blessings, abundance and a magnificent life. Sometimes we may have walked another path instead of the one we really wanted and we then think that our life missed out on something because we did not live the life we wanted. That is another block that we place on our life and ourselves. That life we may have missed out on is not really a loss, but because we are looking so longing on a life we thought we should have had, we miss out on the life that we are actually living. So, of course, we are going to feel regret, we are going to blame ourselves and we are going to feel that we made a mistake. We are going to feel that our life could have been something bigger, better and more fabulous. That attitude will only serve to make us fall into depression and make us feel jaded with life. It is time to stop lamenting our decisions and to stop having regret over some life that we felt we should have been living.



"Play the game with the cards you have been dealt" or in other words, be thankful for the life you have been given and live your life with the life you have been given. We are given this life because we can handle it. Maybe the path that you did not get to travel was not the right path for you so life placed another path in front of you. Be thankful. The time we spend regretting a decision or the time we spend avoiding making a decision is time that we can use to motivate and uplift others. There are so many things we can do with the life that we are blessed to have been given. If we were to look back in our life our decisions have actually worked out, may be not in the way we thought it would, but overall those decisions worked out.
Make a decision for your life and the rest will fall into place. Sometimes our path is so dark that we can only see the next footstep we can take. We have got to walk in faith. We need to feel the fear and do it anyway. Take one-step at a time and soon the way will be made clear for you. Making a decision often, means that we need to leave our comfort zone and that in itself can be quite scary. We may not be happy where we are but we have gotten so comfortable in the uncomfortable-ness that we find it hard to make a step forward. No one can predict the future, however, if we fail to make the decisions that can take our life from zero to abundant living then our future will predict itself for us. Remember, no one outside of us can make the decisions that are important to our life. If we allow others to make those decisions for us we will end up where they are going and where they are going is not where our life is suppose to be. Not to mention, if we allow others to make a decision for us or to tell us what to do we may end up resenting them and ourselves when that decision does not work out or make us happy.

The Woman Behind The Counter... Who you are now does not determine who you will be.

When we make a decision for ourselves, we take away that responsibility from others. We are the leader of our life and sometimes we have to make an executive decision regarding where we desire our life to be. The quicker we make a decision the quicker the rest of our life will be able to fall into place. We have to be willing to take a flying leap of a cliff and trust that we will grow wings to help us land safely. Yes, there are times when we need to step out on faith. This is where we need to quiet our Mind and start listening to our Heart and our Soul.
Our Heart and Soul will never steer us wrong. Deep inside of us we have all the answers to our life, but we may have been programmed to listen to everyone else except ourselves. The truth is, no one outside of us knows what it is right for us. However, for us to hear the messages of our inner self we need to shut out the outside noise and take it back to ourselves. When we take the time to listen to our inner self we will then never have to regret our decisions, because we will be able to make the decisions that honours us deep in our Soul and honour the light in our Heart.

 

About the Author:

Do you want to know how you can bring more passion into your life and start thriving instead of just surviving? Trudy-Ann Ewan specializes in supporting individuals in their Journey to building a better relationship with themselves by becoming wholistically healthy so that they can create and live a passionate and powerful life. To read more on whom Trudy-Ann is, feel free to visit her website:http://www.trudyannewan.com. Feel free to contact Trudy-Ann Ewan via the website if you are interested in any of her Speaking and/or Coaching Services.

The Woman Behind the Counter

 

The other day I was in the Phoenix Airport on my way to a meeting in Denver. Unsure of how long it would take to get the car parked, get the luggage checked, get through the security line, and get to our gate, we (my husband Michael and I) ended up at the airport early. Once we parked our belongings at the gate, I did what I always do when I'm early to the airport; I headed toward the News Stand for the sole purpose of staring at the tabloid magazine covers. Yes, I know, it's a nasty habit, but before you cast your stones, I should tell you I only allow myself to read the COVERS of the magazines. JUST the covers. And even in those few moments I can feel my brain cells rotting and my dislike for humanity mounting.

However, on this particular trip to the News Stand I witnessed something much more fascinating, and disturbing, than any tabloid could offer.

In this particular News Stand there was a friendly looking gentleman. He had a pleasant face that was graced with a cheerful smile. He and I were hovering in the same area; I was looking at the magazines, he was looking at the Snickers bars. Though, "looking" wouldn't be the right word -- "agonizing over" would be a better way of putting it. You see, this friendly-seeming man was about 200 pounds from healthy. As we stood silently by each other, I could hear him as he struggled to breathe, and watch him shift uncomfortably from foot to foot as he worked his way down the candy display.

 

 

I watched him out of the corner of my eye as he picked up a regular sized Snickers with his right hand and a KING sized Snickers with his left. He looked at his two options, back and forth, back and forth. He rolled them around in his hands, crinkled their wrappers, contemplating his decision. After at least a minute, he reached to put the regular sized one back ... a shame, I thought. He was so close.

But then, like a flash of lightening from above, at the very last moment , he THREW the KING sized Snickers back. It landed atop the gum with a deafening THUD. The man turned and looked at me with regular Snickers in his hand. Gripped it tightly, shrugged, and smiled.

For a moment, I saw a glimpse of pride on his face; the kind of pride that comes from taking control of your life. Granted, it wasn't the BEST decision, but it WAS a step in the right direction and it was clear he was pleased with himself. I smiled back and nodded; a silent congratulations for a job well done.




He took his regular sized Snickers strutted to the register where a 50ish woman waited. She was friendly in an abrasive sort of way, and as I moved to look at the cover of Men's Health I heard her say to the man (who was still in the glow of his recent victory):

"Sure you don't want the KING sized Snickers? Looks awful good..."

The man who had just made a good decision, froze. He stared at the woman behind the counter. In that moment, it was as if the Phoenix Airport stopped.... As he stared at the abrasive woman behind the counter, I stared at him. The woman reached for the KING sized and waved it in front of his face. "Don't do it. Don't do it," I willed him. But in the next moment, he nodded, took the KING sized Snickers, paid, and slowly walked away.

I wanted to say something, but it wasn't my place. As he walked past, he didn't look my way, instead he looked to the ground and to the KING sized decision he held in his hand.

Now, it would be easy to blame the woman behind the counter for the demise of our Snicker loving friend. She didn't HAVE to offer him the KING size when he seemed to be perfectly content. However, it is not her fault; she was only doing her job (I swear they get paid on commission -- every time I try to buy a magazi... I mean, a pack of gum... they always ask if I would like water or a snack. It can't JUST be because they're really concerned for my hydration or hunger). No, the responsibility lies solely in the man who ultimately made the choice.

 

A Parable Of Risk: Betting On The Here & Now

 

We relate to this man. Whether you struggle with your weight, or you struggle to make good financial decisions. Maybe you make poor decisions, of any size, in your personal relationships. Whatever your vice may be (and there may be many), we have all been here before; on the brink of a breakthrough, only to fall short with no one to blame but ourselves. Whether you've been there once or been there 100 times, there is an important lesson to learn here; one that may not be the most obvious.

Who you are now does not determine who you will be.

I'll say it again. Who you are now does not determine who you will be.

Sounds nice, right? Easy lesson, nice lesson, hopeful lesson. The catch is this: you have to MAKE it so. The difference between who you are NOW and who you will BE happens because of choice. It doesn't have to be a heroic choice, it can be small/consistent choices made everyday in the right direction, that make the difference. But they MUST be made and can only be made by you.

How do you do this?




First: start seeing yourself NOW as the person you will BE. If you're broke, start seeing yourself as un-broke. If you're alone, see yourself wrapped in the warmth of a healthy relationship. If you're heavier than you would like to be, see yourself thin.

Second: It is not enough to just SEE yourself there, you must start behaving in a way that mirrors the behaviors of the kind of person you will become. Un-broke people make sound decisions when it comes to finances -- do that now. Healthy people find joy in salads and low-fat dressing -- you should too.

Third: Stay focused. There is a good chance that others will continue to see you as you are now, and that's ok. It's not their fault. They may not be aware that you have made a decision to change; not aware that you are making small consistent decisions toward the person you wa nt to become. They may not SEE those small decisions or REALIZE what they are adding up to. Stay focused on YOU. On YOUR vision for yourself. And don't be afraid to verbalize your desires to those around you so they can aid in your transformation.

This is where I believe our friend at the candy counter went astray:

Perhaps he was seeing himself not as who he IS, but who he could BE -- well, healthy, happy...

 

 

I KNOW he was making a small decision in the right direction...

But when he got to the counter, the abrasive woman saw him as he WAS: a man who "must" love KING sizes. And instead of staying focused, instead of standing as a warrior for his future-self, he crumbled with the words "I will always be this" ringing in his defeated ears.

We all relate to this story. We have all been there. I just urge you to not go there again. Fight for your future self, and beware the woman behind the counter.

When all was said and done, I walked out of the News Stand empty-handed and heavy hearted. I took my seat at Gate C27 and waited for our plane to arrive.

(Post Note: Michael ended up sitting next to this man on the plane. When I told Michael this story, looong after the flight, he said, "That makes it worse ... he was such a nice guy.")

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Kindra Hall
Kindra Hall is a storyteller with 18 years of experience. She shares her stories on stage, in coaching sessions, and on her blog: www.kindrahalltellsall.com. She works with organizations and individuals to discover, craft, and deliver their stories in order to more effectively communicate their mission and values. She has performed on the stage of the National Storytelling Festival in Jonesborough, TN at the Exchange Place.
(copyright 2009 KindraHallTellsAll)