This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins.
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It was a turtle disaster.
Tag Archive for: jokes
… George Carlin's Views on Aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life .. . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards; "I Was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
-- John Kinde (JohnKinde@HumorPower.com)
The key is in the delivery. It's what you do.
In the business of delivering your humor, there is a technique referred to as a "take." A take is your physical response to a joke. For example, you may deliver a joke and then raise your eyebrows. Or tilt your head. Or open your eyes wide. Facial expressions are some of the most popular takes.
Using a take is like putting an exclamation point at the end of your humor line. It helps you drive home the humor. It signals the audience to realize, "Hey, this is supposed to be funny!"
There are a couple of approaches to using takes. One way is to look for a different physical delivery technique for every punch line. This can make the talk more interesting for you. And this can add a colorful variety to your speech. We also know from the acting business that it is easier to remember lines if they are linked to a physical action. So your jokes will be easier to remember, each linked to a different take.
Another approach is to use the same take for each punch line. This conditions the audience to laugh. Two classic comedians used repetitive takes which became signatures: George Burns' puff on the cigar and Rodney Dangerfield's tug of the necktie. They were sending signals to the audience that it was time to laugh.
You will find that even small takes can produce good results. Just a small wink might just be what you need to get the laughs. Experiment and have fun.
Many people shy away from telling jokes because they once told one that fell flat or they are afraid of appearing silly or of offending someone. Jokes are canned humorous stories which are subtly different from personal anecdotes. With personal anecdotes you have the authority to tell them because they happened to you. Jokes are independent and in a sense artificial so you take a little risk when you launch into one. However, when told well, a joke can cause great amusement and lift the mood of the gathering. A speaker who puts some relevant and well-told jokes into his or her speech will be appreciated by the audience who are often bored with bland presentations and are crying out for a little entertainment.
Here are some tips on how to tell a good joke:http://adjix.com/798r
