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HOW TO SAY MORE THAN WORDS

 

 

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The study of vocalics or paralanguage deals with the non-verbal qualities of speech. These qualities include pitch, amplitude, rate, and voice quality. Linguists argue that the way in which a person says something often means more than the actual words being spoken. Paralanguage instantaneously conveys information such as gender, education, origin, mood, and our relationship with the person being spoken to. In our spoken language, only 7% of the total message is relayed through the spoken word, while 38% of the message is conveyed through paralanguage. Imagine answering a phone call from someone. If they are a close friend or family member, you can usually tell who it is without having them identify themselves. If it is a stranger on the other end, you can pick up certain things about who they are, such as sex, age, educational level, origin, and social class just by their tonal qualities of their voice.

Interpreting Paralanguage

1. Emphasizing syllables. The way you say something can completely change the meaning of a sentence depending on what word you are emphasizing. Just think when the snotty kid tells you, ?Whaaaat-ever!!? It's not only saying that she doesn't care, but it is also emphasizing rebellious attitude as well.

2. Deepening voice. Police officers are taught to use a deep, clear voice because it carries more authority. A deep sounding voice is psychologically more believable than a higher frequency voice. Someone who lowers the frequency of their voice is expressing anger, defensiveness, or dominance because a deeper voice sounds bigger and it is linked to male masculinity and power.

3. Raised pitch. We raise the pitch of our voice to express harmlessness, submissiveness, and openness. In courtship, both men and women will increase the pitch of their voice above their normal frequency to make themselves appear less intimidating or hostile. The same behaviour can be seen with friends, family, and especially when dealing with infant children.

4. Decrease in volume. A decrease in volume of the voice indicates submissiveness.

5. Increase in volume. An increase in the volume of the voice indicates anger, frustration, or a show of dominance or authority. Often when two people are arguing, each person will increase the volume of their voice to be louder than the other person; thereby, achieving a form of verbal dominance over them.

6. Speech errors. An increase in speech errors is an indication that the person is lying or not telling the complete truth.

Using Paralanguage To Your Advantage

1. Laughter. Laughter is a natural stress-reliever. Research has shown that laughter forces the body to release painkilling hormones such as endorphins, encephalin, dopamine, noradrenalin, and adrenaline into our system. Laughter is often contagious and will brighten up other people's days just like smiling. It lets the other person know that they are your friend. Learning how to make other people laugh is a strong skill to gaining compliance from them.

2. Change their behaviour with voice-leading. Voice-leading is a powerful technique that police use when trying to communicate with an irate subject. Often the person will be angry and they will be shouting at the officer and not making much sense. Instead of trying have a shouting match with the subject, the officer will do the exact opposite and lower his voice down to a level that is difficult to hear. This accomplishes two things: (1) the angry person needs to calm down and become an active listener to be able to comprehend and process the words (2) the officer has stepped to the person's side instead of challenging him head-on (3) this behaviour will force the person to mirror the officer's voice (4) it shows good professionalism on the officer's part.

3. Use a calm, clear tone of voice. To avoid sounding overtly nervous, slow down your voice rate and use a clear tone of voice when speaking. Think about what you are going to say before you say it.

4. Get rid of filler sounds. Filler sounds are the ?aaahh,? ?uuuumm,? ?eeerrrr,? sounds that we use to fill in periods of silence during our conversation. We generally use them when we are contemplating an answer. People have been conditioned to know that a filler sound means that you are searching for an answer, so they automatically take a ?mental intermission? from the conversation and might not be paying to the answer you finally come up with. A more effective way of keeping them drawn into the conversation is by keeping the silence and saying nothing. Silence makes people uncomfortable, which has the effect of keeping their minds aware of what is going on, so by getting rid of filler sounds, you can maintain a better conversation.

 5. Avoid a monotone voice. A monotonous voice is boring and puts people to sleep. Instead, talk with conviction and be enthusiastic about what you are saying.

Key Points

1. Actual words make up only 7% of our communication. 38% comes from how we say those words.

2. Use a deep voice to sound authoritative and raise the pitch of your voice to sound friendlier.

3. An increase in speech errors is associated with lying or nervousness.

4. Practice on getting rid of filler sounds.

About The Author

Tristan Loo is an experienced negotiator and an expert in conflict resolution. He uses his law enforcement experience to train others in the prinicples of defusing conflict and reaching agreements. Visit his website at tristan@streetnegotiation.com