Tag Archive for: fear
What's stopping you from doing what you want and having what you desire? With rare exceptions, when you strip away all the excuses, it's fear-fear of doing whatever it is that you must do to achieve your goals.
Fear is one of our most basic instincts and it's key to our survival. It's easy to dismiss fear as cowardice, but it's not. Rather, cowardice is just one of many possible responses to fear; courage is another. Fear itself is not necessarily bad. In fact, it serves a purpose by protecting life and helping us avoid danger.
Fear can get our hearts pumping and our adrenalin flowing. You probably know people who like being scared because they like what it does to their bodies-these are thrill-seekers who search out dangerous activities and who use their fears to accomplish amazing things. Whether you like roller coasters and parachuting and mountain climbing or not, you don't have to enjoy fear to make it work for you.
The key is to understand your fears and put them in perspective so you can deal with them appropriately. When you feel fear, before you respond, stop and figure out: Is there a real danger there? If so, exactly what is the danger and what do you need to do to protect yourself? And if there's no real danger, what is driving the feeling?
What are you afraid of?
What frightens you? Flying? Jumping out of an airplane? Maybe you're afraid of water. Or creatures-dogs, cats, spiders or snakes. You might be fearful of crowds or public speaking-or even change. And it could be that you're afraid of anything that involves risk.
The reality is that life is risky. Anything worth having is likely going to involve some sort of risk, whether it's physical, financial, or emotional. And it's natural for those risks to generate fear. What separates achievers from non-achievers is that the achievers know how to control and use the natural emotion of fear to their advantage.
Uncontrolled fear robs you of your self-confidence and your ability to be effective. Fear that is under control and managed can be extremely productive because it can drive you to carefully examine risks and take steps to control and minimize them.
Overcome Self-Doubt – Lose The Illogical Perspective
Responding to fear
There are three basic ways you can respond to fear:
1. Ignore it.
2. Avoid it.
3. Confront it.
Simply ignoring fear-for example, thinking "I'm afraid to do this but I'm just going to plow ahead,"-is the least effective way to respond to feelings of fear. You can't completely ignore your fear because if you don't deal with it, it will always be in your mind, causing stress and blocking your ability to perform at your peak.
Denying fear-insisting that you're not really afraid, you just "don't want to do" that-is a form of ignoring it. If you know that taking a particular action could produce results you want but you refuse to do it, do some careful self-examination to determine if you're really denying a fear.
Avoiding fear is only slightly better than ignoring it. At least when you avoid fear, you have acknowledged it and are trying to push it to the side and go around it. But that's only a temporary fix for a long-term problem.
What works best in both the short- and long-term is confronting your fears and overcoming them. Recognize what you are afraid of, take ownership of it, deal with it, and work on achieving your desired result. In the process, you destroy the fear.
Confronting your fear lets you shine a light on it, and when you do that, you'll often see that the fear isn't real. Think back to when you were a child and believed that monsters were lurking under your bed or in the closet. Your parents would come in, turn the light on, and you could see that there were no monsters. Shining a light on adult fears is not always so simple, but it's just as effective. For example, let's say you'd like to make an investment, but fear is stopping you. Shine a light on it. What are you really afraid of? What's the worst that could happen? Now, what can you do to reduce the risk? And if you do that, is your fear still valid?
Remember that on the other side of every fear is freedom, achievement, and peace.
The most common fears
We like to believe that we are special and unique, but when it comes to fear, we are rarely in a class by ourselves. Fears that tend to stop most of us from reaching our goals include the fear of failure and its companion fear of success; fear of ridicule; fear of discomfort; and even fear of the spotlight. Let's look at each of them.
Fear of failure is completely understandable. No one likes to fail. We don't want to disappoint ourselves or others. But just because you make a mistake or are not immediately successful does not mean you've failed. The primary way we solve life's problems is through trial and error. When you make a mistake, you haven't failed - you've simply learned a strategy that didn't work. None of the great inventions that we take for granted today were successfully produced on the first try. Even the best sports players don't score every time. Put your fear of failure into this context: Some of the things you try won't work, but all that means is that those things particular things you did didn't work. As long as you try again, you didn't fail and you are not a failure.
Let's look at the opposite side of the fear of failure and consider the fear of success. The fear of success can be almost as paralyzing as the fear of failure, and it often follows when you've conquered the fear of failure. Some people let the fear of success sabotage their efforts because they're afraid of what might happen when they become successful. Success can be both intoxicating and frightening. Conquer your fear of success with a plan to manage your success.
On Confidence (Or – Don’t Be Scurred!)
Still another common fear is that of ridicule. We don't want to be made fun of. You can't control what other people think and say, but you can control how you react to it. Of course, just ignoring ridicule is much easier said than done, especially when the ridicule is coming from someone we care about. It helps to attempt to understand what's driving the person who is doing the ridiculing-most people who ridicule others are attempting to mask their own weaknesses and fears. Consider diffusing the ridicule with semi-agreement: "Sure, I may be crazy for trying, but at least I'm trying-and you never know, I could succeed." And when you do succeed, you won't have to say a word.
The fear of discomfort can be quite powerful. Most of us like to stay in our comfort zone with familiar people and things. Certainly it's easier to do what's comfortable, such as watching television rather than heading to the gym or staying in a dead-end job rather than doing what it takes to get out of it. But doing what's comfortable today will likely result in something worse than discomfort tomorrow. Staying comfortable means staying in a rut and not stretching for something better.
It's also understandable to fear the spotlight. Every day we see the most intimate details of the lives of politicians and celebrities held up for scrutiny by strangers, and while we might be intrigued by scandals and gossip, we don't want to be under that microscope ourselves. Fortunately, most of us don't have to seriously worry about that. But you might fear being the center of attention even in a small way, such as having to make a presentation in front of a group or even being recognized for an achievement. With practice and preparation, you can overcome a fear of the spotlight.
Use the incredibly powerful tool of visualization. If you focus on your fear and visualize the worst happening, it certainly will. Instead, visualize your success and the results you want, then see yourself going through the steps that will make that happen. When it comes time to actually do whatever is causing you fear, you'll be relaxed and confident because you've done it before in your mind and you know it's going to work.
It's also important to recognize that fear is contagious. You can be infected by other people's fears. Sometimes these people are fearful because they genuinely want to protect you; other times, they express fear that they hope will stop you because they are afraid your success with reveal their own shortcomings. In either case, you need to give yourself a mental vaccine to protect yourself from other people's fears.
Unfortunately, for most of us conquering fear is not a one-time thing that we can do and then never have to deal with again. Fear is a normal emotion that you will experience over and over. The key is to not let fears scare you into inaction but to use them to prepare yourself to reach your goals.
Jacquelyn Lynn (http://www.jacquelynlynn.com) is a business writer based in Orlando, Florida, and the author of Entrepreneur's Almanac (Entrepreneur Press Nov. 2007); Online Shopper's Survival Guide and co-author of Make Big Profits on eBay (with Charlene Davis). She is also the host of Doing It Right Radio® (http://www.doingitrightradio.com).
What is Self-Doubt?
I am very familiar with self-doubt. I lived with it for many years, buying into my inner critic and making way for fear to take over. Even though I was told by my parents and mentors how capable I was, the self-doubt kept me paralysed, afraid to even make an attempt at something. I often felt not smart enough, or good enough to even take the first step. I even believed that success was not meant for me. I look back on all the opportunities I missed out on and it is for this reason I write this article in hopes that you the reader can realize how illogical and damaging self-doubt can be.
Self-doubt should be synonymous with paralysis. It is immobilizing and disables the sufferer, preventing him/her from making strides in life. Think back to a time when you felt enthusiastic about a goal and as the time approached for taking that first step, the momentum began to slow down. That little voice inside you head began to say:
- Are you sure you can do this?
- What happens if you mess up?
- Maybe you need to wait - maybe you're not ready
As the days went by you began to doubt your ability to get the task done and before long things were moving in slow motion. You felt stumped, pressured, like all eyes are on you. Then you quit.
When feelings of doubt are allowed in our lives, we are unable to achieve our goals or even conceive them. Doubt is that inner voice that often lets us know how incapable we are of accomplishing something. When we are confident we can drive away the doubts. However, when we are not, the doubts will continue to dominate our thoughts, leaving us to feel inadequate. That's right our thoughts! The thoughts take over and before long we begin to believe that no matter what we attempt it wouldn't amount to much, so why even bother? Over time this mentality begins to define us and we fade into the shadows.
It all begins with a thought followed by an action or behaviour. When we allow doubtful thoughts to control our thinking process, we can miss out on many important opportunities in life. The doubts enable a pessimistic outlook and the ability to focus on the positive things in our lives is lost. Then the capacity for learning and growing is slowed down. Many become cynical, depressed, or anxious and a life of mediocrity emerges with little hope for the future. Now, I'm sure this is not the life you plan for.
Is self-doubt consuming you? Are you unable to stop the doubtful thoughts? Is it interfering with your ability to achieve? Begin to recognize these episodes and how frequent they are. Become more aware of what the doubts say and write them down.
What Causes Self-Doubt?
We are born into societies where there are so many expectations we all have to live up to.
- There are certain developmental stages and levels each of us are expected to reach from birth. If not we are considered underdeveloped or slow
- We enter into the school system and expected to complete elementary, middle, and high school. We receive more popularity and recognition when we excel
- Our parents have their own set of expectations for us
- Our teachers have their expectations for us
- After high school we are expected to make a decision for a career and decide where we plan to acquire that skill - what school we will attend, what level of education we want to have, what job title we want to hold.
- Once we are ready to enter into the business world there are more expectations and successes to attain
- Then there are the expectations by society, the status, prestige, material possessions. Our society today measures success and achievement by one's net worth.
In order to be considered functional or successful in modern society the above standards are expected to be met. Children are hardly allowed to be children to run around freely with little fear. Instead they feel scared to make mistakes. We live in an age of high motivation and enthusiasm and where everyone seems to have an image of success. Image is what's important, and some even promote that you fake it till you make it. Many of you feel pressured to live up to these expectations and may feel as if you are letting down yourself or your family if you don't. So from that very first grade you receive in elementary school you feel as if you are a specimen under a microscope afraid to mess up and where a pressure to perform or a fear of rejection constantly looms overhead.
True the expectations set for us enable us to become high achievers and attain soaring levels of accomplishment and satisfaction in life. However, for many this can have the reverse effect. When one lacks self-confidence these standards set by society or families can lead to doubt and fear. When one has self-doubt, their limitations are exaggerated to the point that it takes over the thought process and distorts the belief system.
Doubt can be caused by some of the following:
- Believing that your emotional security depends on someone or something.
- Feelings of inferiority
- Low self-esteem
- Feeling a lack of control over your life
- Believing that you are not good enough or smart enough to even attempt the smallest of tasks.
- Anticipating failure even before you begin
- Unresolved psychological trauma
- Depression
- An environment that breeds doubt and negativity
- Rejection
Fear, the Accomplice
Doubting oneself is an indication of a greater fear. You know you feel fearful but it's difficult to identify what it is you are afraid of. It could be fear of failure, pressure to perform, or even fear of success. The doubting thoughts begin to take over and the inner critic is eager and ready to help you rationalize your doubts.
Fear is the accomplice of your doubts. The moment the doubts arise, fear moves in and takes over. Fear lets you compare yourself to others and keeps you focused on what you cannot do rather than what you can do. I recall when I returned to college at 30 how doubtful I felt at first. I saw all the energetic, enthusiastic students, fresh out of high school with their minds intact and ready for learning and I saw myself as old and less capable. My doubts turned into fear and at some point I wanted to quit - to give up and not even try. My fears had such a hold on me that I was willing to throw away a hopeful future. I became frustrated, sarcastic, and closed off from the world. Luckily, my parents and my mentor recognized my fears and countered them, encouraging me to take the first step forward.
Self-awareness is a critical step to overcoming fear and removing doubt. When fear is allowed to dominate, all hope is lost. Sadly, we cannot even recognize our fears and doubts thus they continue to control our lives. This is why having mentors, coaches or people close to us are an essential part of achieving success. The more we know about ourselves, the more in tune we are about what holds us back. The more aware we are the more empowered we are to do something about it. We can begin to identify the source of our fears. Is it coming from a past trauma, the way you were raised, or is it a perception of the present or future? Is it a lack of confidence? With becoming more self-aware, we are quicker to admit our fears and handle life in a more productive way. Self-awareness triggers acceptance, which opens up the door for healing. This allows us to seek the help we need to deal with our fears and let go of doubt.
Do you know your fears? Are you aware of what holds you back? Take this time to look inside. Be true to yourself. This begins the process of letting go of doubt. If not, allow a mentor or a coach in to give you the insight you need to move forward.
Letting Go Of Doubt
We all have moments throughout our lives where we doubt ourselves. Many can let go of them and not allow them to take over, while others fall victim to the intrusive thoughts that undermine your ability to succeed. And remember they are all thoughts. So who keeps the thought in your mind? You do! Let's take a look at how to let go of doubts.
The best way to let go of doubt is to build your self-confidence. This means feeling better about your own abilities. When you feel incapable and begin to doubt yourself, fear is right around the corner just waiting to move in and reside in your psyche. Once fear enters the subconscious, the negative talk begins, the self-criticism emerges and the vicious cycle continues. Here are some ways to build your confidence.
- Educate yourself in whatever it is you are trying to accomplish. Take a course, attend seminars, workshops, meet people in that field and network. The more you know the more empowered you feel and empowerment removes doubts.
- Associate with positive people who recognize your abilities and encourage your efforts. Get their feedback about your ideas - most likely it will be more objective and beneficial. Avoid the negative folks. Negative people are also full of self-doubt and will work to bring you down to their level of insecurity. They will inject more doubt in you and your efforts can seem futile.
- Set realistic goals. Someone once said "when in doubt take the next small step." Taking realistic steps ensure that you will be capable of accomplishing the task and build your confidence in the process. If you set unrealistic goals you most likely will fall short and this adds to level of self-doubt. With the accomplishment of each realistic task, your confidence will improve, your fears will subside, and your self-doubt will diminish.
- Learn to handle setbacks. In life there will be successes and setbacks. Of course you want to hope for the best outcome but when disappointments arise or things didn't go as planned you have to see this as part of the game of life. Use the setbacks as an opportunity to learn and improve your game plan. This is not the time to sulk and doubt your efforts. Get some feedback from an expert in the field, make the necessary adjustments and keep moving forward.
- Introduce more positive self-talk. Talk to yourself as if trying to encourage a doubting friend to feel better. Remind yourself "you can do it." Feed positive affirmations to yourself throughout your day until it becomes a habit. These affirmations have a tendency to replace self-doubt.
- Learn to handle criticism. In life there are always going to be people who will try to put you down or reject your efforts. Rejection is a terrible thing and can be easily filtered through our thoughts in the form of doubts. I have seen clients who receive enormous praise for their efforts but when one person criticizes them it destroys all they good they have done. Think about how illogical this is and don't allow other people to destroy your efforts. Please click here to learn how to deal with criticism.
- Find a coach or a mentor. At times we cannot recognize our vicious cycle of self-doubt. Others can see it but we can't. A coach or mentor can help you to identify unhealthy beliefs, doubts, and unrealistic expectations that undermine your performance. They can also help you determine the sources of doubt and resolve them. This kind of guidance can move you light years ahead in achieving your goals.
Begin today to lose the self-doubt. Take a look at what scares you the most and begin to address them. Don't continue to allow your doubts to control your destiny. It's time to look within and free yourself of doubt so you can live your full potential.
Audrey Marlene is an expert professional life coach whose life experiences give her more insight into playing the game of life. Her success in coaching and mentoring individuals from the impoverished to top executives has given her the leading edge in coaching.
If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me “I can’t believe you could do that”, I’d be standing on a pile of money.
I can’t believe you can stand in front of an audience and not get nervous, I can’t believe you can feel that comfortable about cold calling business, I can’t believe you can ride that zip line, I can’t believe can walk into that room full of executives and not be intimidated, I can’t believe you can return to study at your age, I can’t believe you can travel overseas by yourself…and on it goes. What I’ve found most interesting about these comments is that to me, none of these actions are really a big deal. Nor are they for some others either I know, but after hearing comments like this enough times, I have realised that acting without fear isn’t easy for a lot of people.
After consideration, I realised that the confidence I have to take on activities that many people find frightening, has been developed and nurtured. And anyone can do the same. I realised rather than talking myself out of doing something and finding reasons, why not, why I can’t, I now automatically start to think how can I…what do I need to do to make that work? Now, fortunately most things come easy, but it has taken work to get to a place where I feel confident in just about any situation.
When Franklin D Roosevelt famously quipped “We have nothing to fear but fear itself”, he was on the money.
What enables a person act without fear in a situation? I believe there are three behaviours that must become intrinsic to shift a mindset from fearful to confident.
Number One: Take a Risk
Next time you have an opportunity to do something that scares you, just say yes instead of over thinking reasons why you can’t. Evoke Neales Donald Walsh quote “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone” to inspire you to take risks to delight in all life offers.
Number Two: Learn a Skill
Continually learning new skills means you open yourself to new ideas. Every time you do something you haven’t done before, you allow yourself to expand your experience and shift your perspective. Consider what new activity/skill you have always wanted to accomplish and begin.
Three: Become Proficient
It makes sense doesn’t it? If you can do something well, you will be confident doing it. If you want to have the confidence to speak from stage then you need to not only obtain the skills, you also have to practice, practice and practice some more. To speak well and with confidence on a subject you need to be well rehearsed. Every time you stand in front of an audience you will be less nervous until you will eventually feel confident to enough you can address any problem that might arise. The same goes for any fear you want to overcome.
When you live without fear, your stress levels are reduced all the “good hormones” work effectively in your body and can cope with real problems more effectively.
Principal Trainer and Director of Shifting Visions, Janeen Vosper, typically works with Sales Teams, Small Business Owners and Entrepreneurs to overcome their fear of selling and cure cold calling reluctance. She assists people to identify and crush hidden fears that block their potential as presenters to learn how to make speeches with ease and confidence…and also offers easy techniques to conquer Fear of Failure that affects many components of life. You can view Janeen's profile here => http://bit.ly/16p0UH9
[Inspiration] Those who win …
"There are no guarantees. From the viewpoint of fear, none are strong enough. From the viewpoint of love, none are necessary."
-- Emmanuel
Can you imagine getting rid of absolutely ANY fear or phobia...
... In just 10 minutes?
Scientists have just given the official nod to a brand new NLP-based system that enables you to literally "erase" old fears and phobias - in a matter of minutes.
Fear of public speaking, fear of spiders, fear of death, fear of failure - whatever it is - it can be permanently deleted.
In this movie the Argentine, Verónica de Andrés explores the link between love, fear and success.
Why do we use fear? And what happens when fear meets love?
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." - Franklin Delano Roosevelt, 32nd president of the United States.
If you're an American, you've heard this quote before. Probably most people in English-speaking countries have heard it as well. Have you ever really thought about it, though? I mean really took the time to analyze the message, dig some deeper meaning, find the truth in it? Probably not. This quote is absolutely 100% fact. There is nothing to fear.
Fear is a paralyzer to action. Fear is the ultimate demotivator. Fear really is the only thing to be afraid of, because fear is the only thing that keeps us from doing the things we want to do.
You want to go hiking in the mountains, but you're afraid of heights. You want to walk through the woods, but you're afraid of snakes, or spiders. You want to travel the world, but you're afraid to fly. You want to live out your dreams, but you're afraid of going broke (even though you already are). You want to hit on that girl or guy, but you're afraid of rejection. Don't be.
The feeling of achieving the pinnacle of that mountaintop far outweighs the fear you feel when you look down over the world. Nature is more scared of you than you are of it. Planes are statistically safer than cars. Money isn't real. Most people aren't scary. But you're letting your fears outweigh your confidence. Hopefully, once you've finished reading this article, that won't happen any more.
Have you ever watched an illusionist (magician who uses tricks of the eye to perform "magic") perform? Most of us are very inspired, and shocked, by the acts they perform, because what we believe we see them doing is perceived by us to be dangerous and scary. So then why don't the magicians ever appear to be scared? Because they've no reason to be. The things they do could be done by any human being on earth, "magician" or not. Their acts look scary, but in fact have very little danger involved at all. And most things tend to follow this pattern.
The way you perceive the world has more impact on how you live your life than any actual circumstances or situations you find yourself in. If you're getting mugged, with a gun stuck in your face and a hand out waiting for your wallet, what do you do? If you're fearful, you fumble around for your wallet, produce it, and as soon as the mugger turns around, you run your ass off in the other direction.
If the guy really wanted to shoot you, though, wouldn't he have just pulled the trigger and robbed your corpse? Doesn't that seem a little easier? Do you think he WANTS you to put up a fight? No. He wants your money; he just doesn't know how to ask properly. So he threatens you for it. And if you're intimidated, he gets what he wants and learns nothing. But if you ask him, "hey, how come you didn't just shoot me and rob my dead body? What do you need the money for?" you'll probably get an answer. People are nicer than you give them credit for. Even most muggers.
The problem with them is they just never learned what it means to connect with people. They know that killing is wrong, which is why they didn't just shoot you right off the bat, but they don't know how to approach or interact with people without being threatening.
So what do you do with these misguided souls? You talk to them. Find out why they need your money. Are they hungry? Would they like to go get a bite to eat instead of robbing you? Are they homeless? Would they like some help finding a warm bed, instead? Would they like to go to the bar and get a drink? Most people who are criminals aren't crazy (though of course there are some who are); they're just scared. They're scared of starving, scared of freezing to death, scared of alcohol withdrawal. The money in your pocket isn't going to help them, and they know that, but I really think that in most cases, they're not looking for your money. They're looking for someone who will give them a chance, let them prove themselves, help them connect with people and guide them to being a person worth befriending. People have an innate need to be liked and loved. It's been proven time and time again that almost no one WANTS to be hated. "Love and Belonging" is the third of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, right after eating and breathing, and then security. It is a NECESSARY aspect of life for a human being to achieve their true potential, and if you look at that chart, self-confidence comes AFTER love and belonging.
So show these people some love. Take them out to the bar; find out their story. Befriend them. Introduce them to your friends and family; take them under your wing. If you put some faith in them and show your own confidence when you're around them, it will rub off. But if you fear them, they'll fear you, and the rest of humanity as well. Nature is funny that way.
Are you scared of dogs? If so, then you've probably noticed that dogs act funny around you. They're either shy, with their tail between their legs, hiding behind their masters, or they're mean and vicious toward you; it depends on how the owner treats them. How did I know that? Well, I've owned a lot of dogs, and believe it or not, they're a lot more like people than you'd think. Have you ever heard that animals can smell fear? Well, it's partially true, as fear in people can release certain hormones, and most dogs' noses are good enough to smell it. But the real reason it seems that animals "smell" fear is that it's a natural reaction for an animal, or a person, to reciprocate whatever feeling another being is putting off.
If you show fear, people will panic with you. If you show anger, people get angry. If you're depressed, you depress whomever you're hanging out with. If you show kindness and compassion, people show it back. If you show confidence, you can inspire people to be confident.
Obviously, there are those times when people are inconsolable, can't be reasoned with; their emotions have a deathgrip on their mind and they can't be set free. But these times usually last no more than a few hours, maybe a few days at most. Most of the time, your feelings and your personality, depending on its traits, will rub off on the people you socialize with, as theirs will rub off on you. But one trait that never rubs off is lack of confidence.
A lack of confidence is like being a ghost. You can occasionally show people that you exist by flicking a light, or making a barely-audible noise, but for the most part you go unseen and unnoticed. And your problem is NOT that other people think you're unattractive, or think you're boring, or think you're worthless; it's that YOU think those things. Other people are just naturally reciprocating YOUR feelings. Which makes you feel more insecure, which makes them find you more unattractive, which makes you feel more insecure, which makes you more unattractive, and so on and so forth.
I had a rather large girl (not my type, but pretty enough, all the same) hit on me at the bar last night. She asked me to come sit and talk with her, and I agreed; I'll talk to anyone about anything. But once I got over there, she lost all confidence. She stared at her cell phone for 15, 20 minutes at a time, not saying a word. When I would bring up something to talk about, she'd listen, and respond appropriately, but she never brought up any conversation topics of her own. So I talked about my interests; the Fed, how I want to start a revolution, about my ex-fiancee, about judgement, and greed, and zombies. Then I asked what she was passionate about.
She said horses. I asked if she owned one, and she said no, because she didn't have enough land for it. I asked if she had ever worked on a horse farm, and again she said no. And when I asked why, she told me "because who would want ME to work on their horses?" Wow. We live in an area where there are TONS of farms, most with horses, but NOBODY would want to hire this girl? No way. This girl's problem was not that she wouldn't bust her butt to take care of someone's horses, but that she was too afraid to go ask someone if she could. She's so afraid of rejection that she doesn't even want to TRY to follow what she's passionate about. People do this far too often, and it makes me very sad.
Do you love your job? Does it make you happy to walk into the doors of your office every day? A few people are answering yes; but for most of you, the answer is a big, resounding HELL NO. Why? Shouldn't you love what you do for a living? How can you be really good at something you don't like doing? You can force yourself to complete your daily tasks, of course, but then you waste so much energy doing what you DON'T want to do that when you get home you're too tired to focus any energy toward your real interests. Hence, part of the reason the divorce rate is so high now. This is also part of the reason more and more kids are little assholes these days; with a big mouth full of cuss-words, and a serious sense of self-importance.
People are too drained from forcing themselves to slave away for money at a job they don't like to actually do any parenting, or love-making. So why keep doing it? For God's sake, go do something you like so when you get home you can tell your wife and kids all about your day without sounding like a damn half-asleep robot. Do what you're PASSIONATE about. Fear, like money and the federal government, only has as much power over you as you allow it to. If you don't live your life with confidence, then you'll never truly live your life. If you allow the fears of being broke, or being injured, or being rejected to control you, then they will. And if you don't, they won't.
When you get scared of doing something, always ask yourself "what's the worst that could happen?" You can come up with all kinds of wild-ass theories and hypotheticals, but 99% of the time, none of these things will happen. And 99% of the time, you're overanalyzing, letting your fear be your security blanket, so you don't have to deal with any potential consequences. But you won't fall off the mountaintop; you won't get a deadly spider bite; your plane won't crash; you won't starve or freeze from being broke; and you won't get utterly shut-down by that cute girl/guy at the bar. Because people are better than that. YOU are better than that, smarter than that.
If you really analyze your actions, you will see that fear is always what keeps you from acting. I can't do this because I'm afraid of _______. But there's nothing to fear. "The worst that could happen" almost never comes to pass. And if you're passionate about something, you'll encounter hardships and strife, but when all is said and done, you'll still be doing something you love, and you'll be driven to figure out how to do it again without the hardships. That's the beauty of the human mind.
We can always fix any problems we have, but not if we're too scared to find or face the problems in the first place. Be fearless. Do what you want to do instead of what you're told you should be doing. You can always find 10,000 reasons that something can't work, but it only takes one solution. Be fearless.
Author: Jeremy Blackbird http://forthegreatergoodblog.com