As a high school teacher for the last few decades, I found that the Bible reference that says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs that it may benefit those who listen," was totally relevant with regard to what teenagers need.
Having a bit of a temper tantrum, whether at home or in the classroom, is pretty well as unwholesome, detrimental and harmful as you can get and only serves to discourage, exasperate or rile your teenagers. (Ask me how I know this.)
"Unwholesome talk" can also be a quiet word of criticism. Once when I was supervising a junior Maths class, I noticed a worksheet on the floor next to a student's desk. It was crumpled in one corner and not many of the exercises had been completed. I pointed out both these shortcomings to the student and it was almost as if I could see the shutters come down on six month's worth of rapport building.
The words came out before I had my mind in gear and I knew as I was talking that it was the wrong thing to say. Normally I would have said "Would you like a new sheet?" or "How can I help you?" or "This is a good start, now let's see how much you can get done in the next 10 minutes." Cajoling is always better than criticism.
My experience, when I'm criticized (even if I know I'm wrong), is to become defensive - and I'm all grown up! Imagine what it's like for teenagers.
What they really need at this stage in their lives are words that build them up according to their needs that it may benefit them - that is, words of encouragement, affirmation and a good deal of praise. The benefits to them and us as parents and teachers are quite amazing - harmony not discord, peace not battling for supremacy and love not war.
When I left my last school where I had been a casual (sub) for eight years, I received "thank you" notes from the students. I think these notes illustrate what teenagers want and need from their parents and teachers.
Some of the notes mention kindness, patience, thoughtfulness, encouragement and fun. Teenagers value these qualities and what I found was that the more I relaxed and enjoyed their company, the less I had to discipline them.
Below I've included a few excerpts from the notes to let the kids speak for themselves. These are teenagers speaking from the heart and show what, according to teenagers, they need and value.
Each note began, "Thank you for..."
• making each student in the school happy
• putting up with us every time you get us (i.e. having patience)
• Always giving every student a chance and treating everyone like an adult giving lots of merits and making every lesson fun and enjoyable
• Being very kind & for giving me lots of (merit) stickers
• You make working be fun
• Being a patient and thoughtful teacher
Patience is needed as well as kindness, thoughtfulness, a sense of humor and fun and the ability to listen more than talk.
When we praise and value our teenagers, the results are nothing short of miraculous.
Philip S. Baker B.A. Dip. Ed invites you to find out more about positive teaching and parenting of teenagers at http://christianteachingtoday.com. His book, "Sunshine in the Classroom Makes Them Happy," will show you what teenagers need and respond to using basic Christian principles. See his story by going to http://christianteachingtoday.com.
Tag Archive for: parenting
Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother
by Amy Chua
Witty, entertaining and provocative, this is a unique and important memoir that will transform your perspective of parenting forever. => http://bit.ly/hrjmsg
The Finnish Library Association celebrates its 100th anniversary in 2010. On the occasion of the anniversary The Finnish Library Association wants to promote the important role of the libraries in cultural upbringing. The short film ‘Like Father, Like Son’ was originally produced for television but the Finnish and English versions are free to be diffused on the Internet.
Originally posted here...http://bit.ly/h6Fqr5
From Pivotal Families
Do you ever wish that you could be young again like your teenage son or daughter? They are full of energy and life! But all too often they are also full of sleepiness.
Read more => http://bit.ly/9oXeBc
We all go through stages of our lives that we lose interest in some thing that we once enjoyed. There can be many reasons for the lose of interest. After all, we all go through changes in our lives that may cause this sudden disinterest. For many of us the lose in interest is only temporary. We regain our interest within a rather short period of time.
What makes our children any different than us? Don't they have the right to lose interest in some thing that they once enjoyed? Of course they do! It is the amount of time that they lose interest that can be concerning. We must determine why they have lost interest. This not only pertains to a lose of interest in reading, but many of the other things in life that they once enjoyed to do.
Did they lose interest in reading in the summer time? This is perfectly natural reaction after a long 9 months of school. A short break of one or two weeks at the most is absolutely understandable. If it becomes any longer, then we must regain there interest. The best way to regain their interest is to get them reading again. Make it fun for them by letting them chose their own reading material. A family trip to your local book store not only gives them a multitude of choices, but it is also good for family bonding.
It could also be a case of they are having trouble in school and decided it was just too hard. Even the most attentive parents many not be aware of the difficulties they are having in school until weeks later. If it is available to you, keep in constant contact with their teacher(s). Many teachers will provide you with their email address at the beginning of the school year. Keeping in contact will give you a head start if there is an academic issue. Then you will be able to tackle the problem before it gets out of hand.
Many kids just want to get noticed. They may have the lose of interest just to capture some attention. Children need constant attention and some times negative attention is just as good as positive attention. Praising and complimenting your child can go along way. Even if we think it is not a big deal, it is to them.
Author Scott Constable: I realize that there are thousands upon thousands of children's books to choose from out there. We try our best to offer books that will most aide in a child's development. I am a father of four children.
http://www.childrensbooks2u.com
http://sconst71.wordpress.com
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success
by Carol Dweck
World-renowned Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck, in decades of research on achievement and success, has discovered a truly groundbreaking idea-the power of our mindset.
Dweck explains why it's not just our abilities and talent that bring us success-but whether we approach them with a fixed or growth mindset. She makes clear why praising intelligence and ability doesn't foster self-esteem and lead to accomplishment, but may actually jeopardize success. With the right mindset, we can motivate our kids and help them to raise their grades, as well as reach our own goals-personal and professional. Dweck reveals what all great parents, teachers, CEOs, and athletes already know: how a simple idea about the brain can create a love of learning and a resilience that is the basis of great accomplishment in every area.
“A good book is one whose advice you believe. A great book is one whose advice you follow. I have found Carol Dweck’s work on mindsets invaluable in my own life, and even life-changing in my attitudes toward the challenges that, over the years, become more demanding rather than less. This is a book that can change your life, as its ideas have changed mine.”
From Publishers Weekly
Mindset is "an established set of attitudes held by someone," says the Oxford American Dictionary. It turns out, however, that a set of attitudes needn't be so set, according to Dweck, professor of psychology at Stanford. Dweck proposes that everyone has either a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. A fixed mindset is one in which you view your talents and abilities as... well, fixed. In other words, you are who you are, your intelligence and talents are fixed, and your fate is to go through life avoiding challenge and failure. A growth mindset, on the other hand, is one in which you see yourself as fluid, a work in progress. Your fate is one of growth and opportunity. Which mindset do you possess? Dweck provides a checklist to assess yourself and shows how a particular mindset can affect all areas of your life, from business to sports and love. The good news, says Dweck, is that mindsets are not set: at any time, you can learn to use a growth mindset to achieve success and happiness. This is a serious, practical book. Dweck's overall assertion that rigid thinking benefits no one, least of all yourself, and that a change of mind is always possible, is welcome
The book is available in the latest edition at Amazon
and yes that's an affiliate link. I will earn a few cents if you buy through it. Thank you!
Are you into "natural parenting"? Do you parent according to the principles of "attachment parenting"? Regardless of your label of choice, deciding to embark on a non-mainstream parenting lifestyle means making yourself vulnerable to all of its one hundred and one challenges.
- When you choose to use cloth diapers, co-workers will call you "strange."
- When your two-and-a-half year old son is still nursing, your dentist will refer to it as "bad."
- Forbid your child to eat candy, and your neighbor may accuse you of "taking away her childhood."
- When your four-year-old is still sleeping with you and your spouse, friends will tell you that "it's going to ruin your marriage."
I have not been a "natural parent" for very long; just a little under three years as I write this. But in that short space of time, I have learned some important lessons that I would like to pass on to anyone who feels at all overwhelmed by trying to do the natural parenting thing "right."
With that in mind, here are four natural parenting tips that will help you to maintain your sanity.
- Prioritize.
Accept the fact that you can't do everything.
Do you homeschool three kids and try to make all your food from scratch as well as wash the laundry by hand? Are you miserable in the process? I give you permission to buy a washing machine. And/or to feed your family a "healthy" convenience meal (such as whole wheat spaghetti with jarred organic pasta sauce) two or three times a week.
- Be a diplomat.
I've learned that certain answers to certain questions will provoke criticism. And I've learned that if I get defensive, I could cause strain in my relationships. So I answer in as courteous, yet vague, way as possible.
For example, When someone asks you, "Is your baby sleeping through the night?", simply reply, "We're all getting plenty of rest, thanks for caring!" Or, if someone asks you, "Wow, three kids and your pregnant a-gain? How many you planning to have, anyway?" make them laugh: "Well, as soon as my husband and I figure out how all this works, we'll let you know."
- Don't major on the minors.
Say your mother started you on solids when you were five months old and wonders why Junior, at seven months, is still exclusively breastfeeding. You could do one of two things:
- Spend the next several months arguing back and forth, getting defensive, and hurting your relationship, or
- Send her links to relevant online articles and tell her you're doing the best you can given the current scientific research, just as you are sure she did for you when you were a baby. And then drop the issue.
- Delegate.
If you have children older than four years old in the house, they should be helping with the household chores on a daily basis. If you have at least two kids over the age of eight in the house, you should be free of at least half of the housecleaning tasks. If you do and you're not, start training them now. As a veteran schoolteacher, I can promise you that children are more capable than we give them credit for.
Parenting is hard enough. Let these four natural parenting tips ease you of some of your burden, and help you find more peace in your day.
As a wellness coach, Emily Jacques' passion is to help you optimize your health in every way as naturally as possible. She shares her knowledge of natural health and green living on her blog at http://thecrunchycoach.com/blog.
Would you like to have someone cheer you on as you take steps to improve your health and well-being? Sign up for Emily's newsletter athttp://thecrunchycoach.com/healthy-living.html. You will receive your copy of her free report, "From Atkins to Raw: How America's Diets Are Failing Us," as well as ongoing tips, resources and encouragement to help you become the healthy, happy person you were designed to be!
Tif at Tif talks books is celebrating all things literacy with Share-a-Story, Shape-a-Future!!
She has answered the questions
What is the book from your childhood you can't wait to share with a child and why?
Who is the person who influenced you most as a reader?
Do you have any special reading-time rituals for reading aloud with kids?
and it makes a great post - beautiful!
Tim was disappointed that his father didn't attend the last soccer game of the season, but he wasn't surprised. Tim was a mature 10-year old and he understood that lots of clients dpended on his dad, a lawyer, who had to work most nights and weekends. Still, it made him sad, especially since this year he won the league's most valuable player award.
One evening Tim got up the nerve to interrupt his father's work at home to ask him how much lawyers make per hour. His father was annoyed and gruffly answered, "They pay me $300 an hour."
Tim gulped and said, "Wow, that's a lot. Would you lend me $100?"
"Of course not," his father barked. "Please, let me work."
Later, the father felt guilty and went to Tim's room where he found him sobbing. "Son," he said, "I'm sorry. If you need some money, of course I'll lend it to you. But can I ask why?"
Tim said, "Daddy, I know your time is really worth a lot and with the $200 I've already saved, I'll have enough. Can I buy an hour so you can come to the awards banquet on Friday?"
It hit his father like a punch to the heart. He realized his son needed him more than his clients did. He needed to be there for his son more than he needed money or career accolades. He hugged him and said, "I'm so proud of you, nothing could keep me away."
Lots of parents are stretched to their limit trying to balance business demands and family needs. It's always a matter of priorities. But if we don't arrange our lives to be there for our children, they will regret it - and after it's too late, so will we.
This story is derived and adapted from one that was circulated on the Internet without attribution. The original source is unknown.
Michael Josephson
www.charactercounts.org
