Tag Archive for: resilience

Stop! Check this out before you make any more goals!

Don't be like everyone else; most people make their goals incorrectly. You know, like the guy down the street with the brand new jogging shoes and suit. You want to bet he doesn't make it from January to March?

The one goal that many people make is to get into shape. (A friend of mine told me, I'm always in shape, sometimes apple shaped, and sometimes pear shaped) Now be honest. How many years have you made that resolution?

With goals in hand, it's off to the gym we go!

You know it's one of those moments where you feel like you've been here before. It's time to clear the mind and hit the weights. You have a lot of toning-up to do so you walk over to the weights. And start your journey to body perfection. And by mid January you're so sore and tired you're ready to give up.

It's really bad when you start looking for excuses not to go to the gym. But hang on; a good excuse will be coming just around the corner! It doesn't matter what it is, like the man said "any old excuse will do." So yours comes and you stop going to the gym.

There's a better way than quitting!

The secret to success is not to set those big goals.

I know... everyone... and I mean everyone will tell you to write down your goals, that one big goal so you can keep it in front of you. You know the drill, put it on the refrigerator, bathroom mirror, beside you bed so it's the first and last thing you see every day.

Tell me the truth. Do you really look at those big goals once you start falling behind? After a few weeks of getting further behind don't you just avoid them like the strange people that live next door?

Are you ready for a better way?

You are!

Great!

Set small, achievable goals!

Don't do like they tell you; set a goal something like "I will lose 40 pounds in three months."

The problem here my friend is when you miss the mark on the goal, you get discouraged and quit. And this is not good. If you aren't careful you will create a habit of quitting. And a habit that is let go for too long is hard to break.

For a goal to be achievable it has to become part of your routine. And to be part of your routine, you must rewire your brain.

So we set small goals, get some victories and start reprogramming the mind.

Start with something like "I will exercise for 10 minutes three days a week."

After you get your brain reprogrammed to the exercise routine, then you make incremental increases to your workout set.

You will add one more rep to a work set, or another exercise routine. A simple progression with proper performance of the exercise and persistence wins in the long run.

Then one day you will look back and be amazed at where you came from... and you will know where you're going.

Just to condense it, start small, then do incremental increases to your workout set that you properly do, and be persistent. Don't give up.

Bob Beavil is an avid sports enthusiast who loves to SCUBA dive, kayak, sail, and lift a few weights. To read more on goal setting visit http://www.mastermusclebuilding.com/bodybuilders-goal-setting.php

There likely will be setbacks and occasional self-doubts on the road to maximizing your charisma. You're going to need patience and persistence. But it's important to keep moving toward your goal.

I'm reminded of a friend who had a life-changing experience in a cross-country ski race in Minnesota. He had moved there not long before. In an enthusiastic, if not realistic, effort to adapt to the local culture, he bought some skis, practiced a bit, and entered an advanced competition. He took off like a flash at the sound of the starter's gun. But after the first quarter-mile in near-zero temperatures, he knew he was in over his head, hopelessly outclassed by other competitors swiftly gliding past him. He was soon alone in a frozen wilderness, and his thoughts turned gloomily to fatigue and defeat.

He had initially hoped to finish in a couple of hours. But as the cold seared his lungs and the exertion weakened his arms and legs, he all but gave up on his goal. If there had been a way to surrender, he would have. But being in deep snow in the middle of the woods, his only way out was to ski out. So he pushed aside the pain and pessimism, and kept skiing.

He imagined a lodge with a roaring fire that might be just around the bend-but wasn't. He imagined a rescue vehicle slicing through the drifts to pick him up-which didn't. He even imagined a helicopter dropping down to whisk him away-but, of course, that never materialized.

So on and on he skied until, at last, he came to a sign: FINISH LINE, 1/4 MILE. He couldn't believe it! Energized, he sprinted that last quarter mile and finished in a time not far from his original goal.

My friend often repeats that story, the winds more frigid and his muscles more aching with each retelling. It's become a part of his self-identity, and the memory of his endurance and ultimate triumph has gotten him through other of life's difficult scrapes and struggles. The moral, as he sees it, is that if you keep slogging ahead, refuse to give up, and stay as positive as you possibly can, you'll accomplish your goal, or something very close to it.

I could hardly argue with that. So even if you have trouble imagining success, keep moving along that snowy path in the woods. And before you know it, you'll have success beyond your imaginings.

Dr. Tony Alessandra helps companies build customers, relationships, and the bottom-line. Tony has a street-wise, college-smart perspective on business, having fought his way out of NYC to eventually realizing success as a graduate professor of marketing, entrepreneur, business author, and consultant. Dr. Alessandra earned his MBA from the University of Connecticut---and his PhD in marketing from Georgia State University. He was inducted into the Speakers Hall of Fame in 1985

I've shucked and ducked "reality" more times than I care to share or admit, even to myself. It's a human reaction but it doesn't have to be our only mechanism for maintaining our mental sanity and emotional stability.

So it's one thing to set the goal, it's a whole other animal to actually finish; to cross the finish line ... Here are the steps to crossing the finish line:

By the time each of us has lived on this earth for fifteen years and above, something challenging, life threatening, integrity rubbishing, heart-rending, etc might have happened to us.

These kinds of things do not stop happening to us as the years go by either as a result of our great experiences in life or wisdom. Adversity, trials, temptations, heartaches, sicknesses, accidents and deaths of loved ones are intertwined with our very existence on this earth. Many of us start experiencing and suffering the impact of these at very tender ages and may live with such most of our earth life.

My father was a man who probably saw many of such in his life. He lived to be three score and thirteen years of age by our own guessing from the stories told of his age mates whose parents or senior siblings had western education and were able to keep a record of their dates of birth. He was fatherless at a young age and was persecuted by his father’s brothers. The last born of his father and mother who did not have the benefit of being supported by his father who died early in life, he was given up for someone who would turn up to no good.

One of the things we learned from our father is his excitement for having come thus far in life in spite of everything.

He was able to get married and had eleven of us by his one wife. Nine survived into adulthood, one died as a few days old infant while another died as a child.

Before he died, he did look back on his life and expressed gratitude for his achievements in raising children and securing the name of his father from extinction. He taught us many things in his conversations and counsels.

One of the things he repeated many times when he visited with any of us who were troubled and when he visited with sorrowing families who have lost a dear one is that “one does not get lost the year his goat got lost”.

In those days, this statement did not make much sense to me. But today with age, experience and personal desire and philosophy to help and support people to work through their life’s challenges as a life and personal development coach, I see the great point that my father was making as he counselled and supported us growing up and as he counselled with grieving families.

There is a popular saying that relates to this philosophy of my father - “It is not what happened to you that would hurt you, it is how you react to it.” When we react negatively to challenging situations in our lives, we get more impacted by the adversity. But if we would stop, think deeply (not worry) about what has happened to us, we would usually get insights that help us respond rather than react to the incident or situation.

The next time you face challenging situations, adversity, trials and temptations, it would be helpful if you would remember this philosophy of my father which means that you should not be destroyed by what has happened to you. If you would, you may, instead, follow the counsels contained in my book, “Growing From Your Experiences” to learn ways you could convert the life’s challenges, trials, temptations and adversity into opportunities for growth in wisdom and wealth.

Francis Nmeribe is a personal transformation teacher and industrial security practitioner from Nigeria. Contact Francis Nmeribe at  http://bit.ly/2hvoWAm

Pivotal stories - Carrot, egg or coffee bean

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her.

She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed that, as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen.

She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire.

Soon the pots came to a boil.

In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans.

She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes, she turned off the burners.

She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?" "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," the young woman replied.




The mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. She then asked her to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma.

The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water - but each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened!

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

"Which are you?" the mother asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I?




Am I the carrot that seems strong but, with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat?
Did I have a fluid spirit but, after a death, a breakup, or a financial hardship, does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavour. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.

When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?

What was the most challenging period of your life? What was the hardest, most difficult time in your journey? 

Is it possible that this event was the best thing that ever happened to you? 

Watch Jack discuss this counter-intuitive idea that can help you turn adversity into triumph.

Pivotal resilience - road

 

As you may have heard in that old but great movie Forest Gump, life can be like a box of chocolates. There are different flavours. You may not like all the chocolates in the box but you don't throw the box away, you decide what you would like to have.

There are a number of words to describe what happens when the result you want doesn't turn out the way you expect. Although the words "failure" and "obstacle" are often used, is that really what it is or could you look at it differently and use it as an experience to learn from?

There are bumps in the road of life for everyone. Nothing is absolutely perfect so it's important to your own well being to discover ways to handle any kind of setback if it happens. If there are no plans in place, fears creep in, overwhelm pops up it's head and stress takes over.

If everything was always smooth sailing you would not be very well equipped to deal with anything in life, especially when the outcome doesn't turn out the way you expected. The first rough patch and you would probably be carried off in a strait jacket.

Have you ever seen the hands of a construction worker? The palms are often thick areas of skin from working with equipment. Those calluses form so that next time his hands will be better prepared for the work.

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