Tag Archive for: thought

Have you ever truly felt "Approved"?

I won't be surprised if you answered "No" to that question. Because most of us don't feel "Approved" enough to cause us to believe it. And as a result we go through life feeling "wrong", "insecure" and "rejected" thereby losing our self-confidence and developing low self-esteem. 

In fact, not feeling approved can leave us so empty and hungry inside that we may eventually seek to satisfy ourselves by doing things we think will cause others to like us, affirm us and approve us, thus becoming an "Approval Addict"! 

 I am sure you would agree that trying to impress others is exhausting! It minimizes your own importance and individuality, which could be very damaging to you in the long run. 

The good news is that you no longer have to continue to find worth, validation or value in other people's approval. You don't need to suffer any longer with insecurity or rejection. You don't have to strive to please others while feeling miserable yourself. 

There is a cure for the approval addiction. Here are a few quick and easy steps to get you started!

If you are not seeing the remainder of this article, that is because it is material for members only. So if you are a member, you need to log in (top right of the page), if not, join now, it's free. Just click here ...

 



"A true leader always keeps an element of surprise up his sleeve, which others cannot grasp but which keeps his public excited and breathless." - Charles De Gaulle

Michael Chang is in the record books as the youngest winner (17) of a grand slam, but his French Open triumph in 1989 is largely remembered for one extraordinary game changing moment against the top ranked player in the world, Ivan Lendl.

Injured and exhausted, near the end of the match, Chang broke two of the most basic commandments of winning tennis.

First, in a sport where powerful overhand serving is usually the key to winning, Chang served UNDERHAND, and the confused Lendl's returns went into the net.

Second, on the match-point, facing Lendl's 120+ mph serve, Chang moved CLOSER to the net and stood at the line of the server's box.

The bewildered Lendl double-faulted, producing one of the most memorable upsets in tennis history.

Challenging the conventional wisdom on these previously sacred aspects of the game - serving and returning serves - Michael Chang radically changed his strategy, surprised his opponent - and elevated his standing in the tennis world.

ACTION

As you prepare for the coming week, ask yourself...

"How can I use the element of surprise to break the rules of conventional thinking in order to make a breakthrough?

Think of every business and personal commitment you have in place for the week and determine how you can use the element of surprise to blow a few minds, and as Charles De Gualle so beautifully stated...

"keep your public excited and breathless."

Everything Counts!

Gary Ryan Blair

Gary Ryan Blair is a visionary and gifted conceptual thinker. As one of the top strategic thinkers in the world he is dedicated to helping his clients win big by creating focused, purpose driven lives.

Pivotal Books - Tiny Buddhas 365 tiny love challenges



From the founder of the popular online community Tiny Buddha.com comes a daily inspirational guide of simple and creative challenges to help you actively spread love to those around you.

Tiny Buddha's 365 Days of Tiny Love Challenges is a simple guide to help readers pursue happy, connected lives and bring greater love into the world. 

Each week begins with an inspirational message written by members of the TinyBuddha.com online community, followed by seven days of short challenges that focus on self-love, giving and receiving love in relationships and friendships, and spreading love in the world, such as: 

* Write a list of three things you appreciate about yourself and place it somewhere in your home where you'll frequently see it throughout the day 

* Compliment someone who serves you in some way (for example, a waiter, barista, or bus driver) on how well they do their job 

* Keep an eye out for someone who looks sad-a friend, coworker, or even stranger-and say something that might make them laugh or smile. 

By using the book each day throughout the year, readers will learn to develop closer bonds in relationships, let go of anger and bitterness, better understand themselves and their loved ones, and turn strangers into friends.

Lori Deschene is the founder of tinybuddha.com, a community of thousands of people interested in sharing wisdom for a happier life. She is a regular speaker at Wisdom2.0 and a freelance writer whose work has appeared in national magazines. This is her first book.

BUY THE BOOK ...Book Depository,  Amazon.

 

5000 years ago, a set of books known as "The Pentateuch" called it "zeal." 2000 years ago, another set of books known as "The Bible" called it "faith." 70 years ago, clergyman Norman Vincent Peale called it "positive thinking." 20 years ago, psychologist Dr. Martin Seligman called it "learned optimism." Two years ago, professor Shawn Achor called it the "happiness advantage."

But when you do a Google search on these terms, most people seem to lump them together and simply refer to them as "attitude," "positive attitude," or "positive thinking." There seems to be a general feeling ... that whatever you call it ... these terms have a lot to do with success in life and success at work. And they're absolutely right. As Achor writes, "Recent discoveries in the field of positive psychology have shown that ... when we are positive, our brains become more engaged, creative, motivated, energetic, resilient, and productive at work." The fact is ...

If you're not a positive thinker, if you don't have a positive attitude, you're in trouble. 

Without this quality or passion, life and work become quite drab. Most everything becomes a "have to" instead of a "get to." For example, the person who doesn't have a positive attitude says such things as: "I have to go to work today ... I have to call on another customer ... I have to clean the house ... or ... I have to pay my taxes."


By contrast, a person of passion says, "I get to go to work today," because he knows that work is so much better than not having any work. A person of passion says, "I get to help another customer," because she knows without her customers she wouldn't have a business. A person of passion says, "I get to clean my house," because he is thankful to have a place to live. And a person of passion says, "I get to pay my taxes," because she is grateful that she makes enough money to even qualify as a tax-paying citizen.

The truth is, if you're not a positive thinker, if you don't have a positive attitude, NOTHING can make up for it.

Education can't. According to historians, some of America's worst presidents were supposedly the smartest and best educated. And some of the greatest Presidents, such as Abraham Lincoln, had very little formal education. A resume may get you through the door, but that's as far as it will get you.
Talent can't. The world is filled with talented people who never achieve personal or professional success. Watch a season or two of "American Idol" or "America's Got Talent" and you'll know what I mean. Talent that isn't fueled by the proper attitude tends to fizzle out before the race is over.
 
Opportunity can't. An opportunity may open a door for you, but without positive thinking you won't make the most of your opportunity. In fact, it may never come to life. As professor Howard Hendricks said, "You don't put live eggs under dead chickens." But that's exactly what negative thinkers do.
Other people can't. It is very difficult to be successful without the help of other people ... or at least be surrounded by the right kind of people. But even that won't guarantee your success. A team with no heart ... no attitude ... and no passion ... will not go very far.
 
There simply is no substitute for a positive attitude. It keeps you going when others quit. It releases an abundance of energy ... an energy you don't even know you have ... and gets you through the toughest times. As novelist Karen Traviss puts it, "Faith keeps you going when there's no logical reason to. In its way, it keeps life going."
 

Bottom line? A positive attitude is the difference maker. So how can you get this difference maker in your life and in your work? Here are a few tips I recommend...





1. Keep your attitude stimulated. 

You may know some people who say they've lost their interest in life. Not much if anything turns them on anymore. It's just another day and another dollar. Chances are they're doing very little to stimulate their attitude.


Other people think they've grown past the enthusiasms of their youth. They're too old to maintain a positive attitude. Or they just don't feel all that well. But chances are, once again, they're doing very little to stimulate their attitude.

In reality, a positive attitude has no connection to age. At the age of 76, General Douglas MacArthur said, "You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair. In the central place of every heart, there is a recording chamber; so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer and courage; so long as you are young. When the wires are all down and your heart is covered with snows of pessimism and the ice of cynicism, then and only then are you grown old."

Your attitude acts very much like a muscle. If you don't stimulate or exercise a muscle, it atrophies. It weakens and eventually dies. And the same goes for your attitude. If you don't stimulate it, it dries up.

If, on the other hand, you keep an active interest in life, you will maintain a powerful, effective, happiness-inducing positive attitude. I found that to be true with my Grandma Grace. Whenever I went to visit her, I would always ask if she'd like to get out, take a ride, go somewhere, see something, or do something ... because I knew she was confined to her apartment, due to her age and physical limitations. Invariably, her response would be "No, I'm not feeling that well ... or ... No, I don't really want to go anywhere."

However, with a bit of persuasion, I always got her in the car, and her attitude changed almost instantly. She wanted to see as much as possible and didn't want to miss a thing. I even persuaded her to accompany me on a trip to Norway at age 88, despite the fact she used a walker to get around. Her passion for life began to soar, and with her renewed interest in life and her positive thinking on the rise, she spent the entire trip walking without her walker.

To keep your attitude positive, keep your attitude stimulated. Keep on learning about the world, the people, and things outside of yourself. Get in the habit of looking forward to each day, wondering what new adventure will come your way.

And then...

2. Let your attitude play make believe. 

I know; it sounds childish. But the most successful people use this technique and swear by this technique.


Muhammad Ali, the world champion boxer, says, "To be a great champion you must believe you are the best. It you're not, pretend you are."

And Donald Trump, the world champion real estate developer, tells people, "Even if you haven't encountered great success yet, there is no reason you can't bluff a little and act like you have. Confidence is a magnet in the best sense of the word. It will draw people to you and make your daily life, and theirs, a lot more pleasant."

So I advise you, picture yourself as being competent, effective, and successful. Hold that image firmly in your mind and do not let any self-doubt erase it. Soon, your mental picture will become your new reality.
You can do that if you...





3. Tie your attitude to a long-term value rather than a short-term emotion.

When I'm speaking to salespeople, I often tell them to "act" their way through a tough situation. If they're in the midst of a sales presentation on a late Friday afternoon, for example, and don't feel enthusiastic, they still need to "act" enthusiastic. They need to "act" like this is the most important sale of the week.

Of course, someone in the audience will always say, "Are you asking us to fake it? You just told us to be honest, sincere, and genuine in all our dealings with our customers. And now you're telling us to 'act' enthusiastic whether or not we feel that way. I don't get it. There's seems to some kind of contradiction going on here."

No there isn't. There's no contradiction whatsoever ... if you tie your attitude to a deeply-held commitment rather than a passing emotion.

It's what one clergyman had to learn. He wrestled with how he could stand in front of his congregation and speak about peace, joy, love, hope, and faith when he didn't feel very enthusiastic at the moment he was speaking about those things. He didn't feel authentic. And yet he realized, if he yielded to his immediate feelings, if he let his sagging emotions influence his professional conduct, he could not inspire or motivate the people he was called to serve.

The clergyman resolved his supposed "contradiction" by making an authentic choice. He chose to adhere to his calling rather than his personal emotions. He tied his attitude to something bigger and more important than his momentary feelings.

You need to do the same thing ... whatever line of work you may be in. To get and keep a positive attitude, tie your attitude to a long-term value. If you're in sales, tie your positive attitude to the quality of your product and the way it helps your customers. If you're in leadership, tie your positive attitude to your belief in growing people. Tie your attitude to doing what is right and good, no matter what job you have. That way you can "act" genuinely enthusiastic and "be" thoroughly positive ... no matter what you're feeling.



Finally,

3. Cancel any negative thoughts that interfere with your attitude.

Getting and keeping a positive attitude is a not a once-and-for all proposition. It takes daily practice ... but fortunately less and less practice as you master these skills.


Nonetheless, you still need to deal with the negative thoughts that come into your mind. Cancel them out. As Dr. Norman Vincent Peale taught, "Whenever a negative thought about yourself and your abilities comes to mind, immediately cancel it out as unworthy, untrue, and unrealistic. The more vigorously you cancel it out, the weaker it becomes, until it disappears altogether."

Don't give your negative thoughts too much attention. And don't put yourself down as being too small or too weak. As Bette Reese notes, "If you think you're too small to be effective, you've never been in bed with a mosquito."

Willie Nelson is right. Replace your negative thoughts with positive ones and you'll start getting positive results.

Action:

Select two long-term values that are deeply held by you and tie your attitude to them.


As a best-selling author and Hall of Fame professional speaker, Dr. Alan Zimmerman has taught more than one million people in 48 states and 22 countries how to keep a positive attitude on and off the job. In his book, PIVOT: HowOne Turn In Attitude Can Lead To Success, Dr. Zimmerman outlines the exact steps you must take to get the results you want in any situation. Go to Alan's site for a Free Sneak Preview.

It's a wise custom to end an old year and begin a new one with serious self-reflection. 

What did you learn this year that could improve your life and make you a wiser and better person?

 



If you want to have a successful and fulfilling New year, start by examining the way you think and feel about your job, your relationships, and yourself. After all, the single most important factor in personal happiness and your impact on others is your attitude.

In the geometry of life, the axiom is "positive attitudes produce positive results." They make success more likely, failures less harmful, pleasures more frequent, and pain more bearable. Some people tend to bring warm sunshine wherever they go; others bring cold chills. What do you bring?

To find out where you can improve, take an inventory of your predispositions, the attitude you're most likely to start with:

Are you generally optimistic or pessimistic?

Do you tend to assume the best or expect the worst of people?

Is your first instinct to be empathetic or judgmental?

Is your first instinct to be supportive or critical?

Do you send the message that you enjoy life or that you're barely enduring it?

Do you come across as the captain of your own ship or simply a passenger?

Wherever you are on the positive-attitude spectrum, think how much better things could be if you were more consistently and self-consciously optimistic, empathetic, supportive, grateful, enthusiastic, hopeful, and cheerful.

So why not resolve to think, act, and speak more positively about yourself, your family, your coworkers, and everyone else in your life?

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.


Michael Josephson
www.charactercounts.org

"I look at that family, that car, that house and that job and I think, what a dream..."

I confess that years ago I gazed longingly at luxury cars. I dreamed of owning one, brand didn't matter, I wasn't picky, any one would do. I continued living in this dream world until one day I came to a simple yet powerful realization...that at one point in time a luxury car was a dream for the person who now drives it. With few exceptions, he or she didn't always have the skill or education to earn the money to buy that lavish ride. It was a dream for them...one that came to fruition through hard work and focus. I guess one could say that today, they are living a dream world?

Over time I thought more about 'living a dream world' and bringing dreams to reality, until finally I arrived at a staggering yet unmistakable conclusion that it is all a dream. In the past I glanced at a Lexus or Mercedes and thought that person is 'living in a dream world.' Over time I have expanded my thoughts to conclude that everything we see, use, consume or have is a result of a dream...let me explain.

The technology in the computer I type on at this very moment was a dream of many scientists years ago. The computer that now sits on my desk was made by a company that just a few short years ago called a garage their world wide corporate headquarters. What began as a dream of an energetic entrepreneur is now a worldwide fortune 500 company. The parts and assembly for this computer are the careful work of many hands, people who thought they would probably not be assembling computers for a living. Yet, this work lets them foster their dreams of providing a nice living for their family, an education, a new television, a daughter's wedding or a car for their teenager.

This computer now rests on my desk, one that I dreamed of having in a study that I imagined years ago. I call my study 'the room of knowing.' Its walls are lined with articles I have published, book jackets from books I have written and some awards that I have won, accomplishments I only dreamed of years ago. It is called 'the room of knowing' because I now know I can accomplish my dreams if I set my mind to it, this room reminds me of that. It could also be called the 'room of dreams,' after all, that's where it all started. I guess one could say that as I type...I am working in a dream world, a world of my dreams (the study) and others (the computer)...

As I drive to work this morning, I realize that I can run through the same 'dream' drill with my car. It was made by a company that started small...a dream. Engineers with a vision (or dream) designed it. Workers who are working a dream job because it provides for and creates their dreams assembled it. I can run the same dream drill with the STOP sign at the intersection by my home. It was put there by a crew who dreamed of working outside. In a subdivision that was a dream of a developer. Ordered by local, county and state laws, laws passed by people who dreamed of serving their community and country. The sign is in Cole County, Missouri, one of 50 states that make our great country, a country that began in the hopes, hearts and dreams of our forefathers.

I could run through the same dream thought process as I pass the local McDonalds restaurant, my CPA's office, the public library or the state capital. I could do the same with the water at my tap or the road I drive on or the Green Tea that I quietly sip but that would be redundant, you get the point, each and everything around us is part of a dream that has reached fruition. This reality proves dreams do come true. That anything we touch, have, hold or use is a result of the hopes, energies and imaginations of the ones who create it...it is part of a dream world. Focus on 'a dream world' for just five minutes today and you will realize an appreciation, astonishment and empowerment that you have not felt before...you will literally be opening your eyes, for a first time, in a dream.
"I look at that family, that car, that house and that job and I think, what a dream..."


Matt Forck
Matt Forck is a dad, husband, writer and speaker. Matt has published numerous articles on a variety of topics, and has authored several books. You may check out Matt's books or reach him through his web site: www.thecallproject.org

Parents Love - Emotion Fades Through Time, But Love Is a Choice.