Tag Archive for: listening

Effective Listening: Listen Up: Remove the Barriers; Hear the Words…

The second in a four-part series on effective listening.
By Kellie Fowler

In the last issue of the Mind Tools newsletter, we discussed something that some might believe to be obvious: That listening well is one of life's great challenges.

We saw how important it is possess and project a true desire to hear the messages that other people are sending us, to listen carefully, and to take the time to clearly reiterate the message before walking away. And we saw the importance of active listening, rather than the combative or passive approaches to listening which lie behind much failed communication.

Sure, this may sound like hard work, but remember that listening, really listening with our whole being, is a skill and one of the most important compliments we can give another human being.

To do this, you should know that there are different levels of communication. Now, you should also know that the different types of interaction or the levels of communication might also contribute to the level of difficulty or misunderstanding, or impede the true hearing of any message.

Three different types or levels of communication are:

  1. Facts
  2. Thoughts/Beliefs
  3. Feelings/Emotions

As listeners, we tend to “tune-in” to the level we think is most important. However, we may have no idea what the speaker thinks is most important, and this can create misperceptions or crossed wires, which yield the most undesirable results.

Sure, the purpose of the conversation and even the relationship you have with the speaker will influence what levels are used for the interaction. Even so, these will still vary. To best understand this, consider the differences in these verbal communications:

  • You are lost and ask a gas station attendant for directions.
  • Your spouse or loved one is being affectionate and playful.
  • Your boss is reprimanding you for a costly mistake you made.
  • Your child falls down and is injured and comes running to you hurting and crying for your help.

Considering these, it is easier to see that if you do not hear and address the appropriate elements of the communication, the situation can quickly worsen: A factual response to your child’s pain would seem cold and uncaring. And a belief-oriented response to the gas station attendant would probably be seen as peculiar!

Thus, it is important to consider all that goes into the message you are hearing, as well as the words themselves.

While seemingly elementary, there are quick and easy steps you can take to ensure that you hear the words, factor in the situation and even consider the sender’s motivation and desirable outcome. These include:

  • First and foremost, stop talking! It is difficult to listen and speak at the same time.
  • Put the other person at ease. Give them space and time and "permission" to speak their piece. How we look at them, how we stand or sit, makes a huge difference: Relax, and let them relax as well.
  • Show the other person that you want to hear them. Look at them. Nod when you can agree, ask them to explain further if you don't understand. Listen to understand them and their words, rather than just for your turn.
  • Remove distractions. Good listening means being willing to turn off the TV, close a door, stop returning emails or reading your mail. Give the speaker your full attention, and let them know they are getting your full attention.
  • Empathize with the other person. Especially if they are telling you something personal or painful, or something you intensely disagree with, take a moment to stand in their shoes, to look at the situation from their point of view.
  • Be patient. Some people take longer to find the right word, to make a point or clarify an issue. Give the speaker time to get it all out before you jump in with your reply.
  • Watch your own emotions. If what they are saying creates an emotional response in you, be extra careful to listen carefully, with attention to the intent and full meaning of their words. When we are angry, frightened or upset, we often miss critical parts of what is being said to us.
  • Be very slow to disagree, criticize or argue. Even if you disagree, let them have their point of view. If you respond in a way that makes the other person defensive, even if you "win" the argument, you may lose something far more valuable!
  • Ask lots of questions. Ask the speaker to clarify, to say more, give an example, or explain further. It will help them speak more precisely and it will help you hear and understand them more accurately.
  • STOP TALKING! This is both the first and the last point, because all other tools depend on it. Nature gave us two ears and only one tongue, which is a gentle hint that we should listen twice as much as we talk.

Becoming an effective listener is not a lengthy or particularly challenging process. Even poor listening habits can be easily changed and in the final two articles in this four-part series on listening, we provide proven tips and techniques that you can use to become a more effective listener. More in our next issue!

Reproduced from the Mind Tools Newsletter.  ã http://www.mindtools.com  To subscribe to the newsletter, send a blank email to: join-mindtools@atomic.sparklist.com.

 

Managers Who Listen Achieve Sustainable Results

We’ve all read those statistics that reveal the number of employees who leave their jobs due to management. A recent study of 7,200 employees found that 50% of them left a job because of their manager. These statistics have a negative effect on talent retention and just spikes attrition. But what if those statistics can be used to boost managerial performance instead? Managers who actively prioritize time to listen to their employees have the opportunity to boost business in a number of ways.

Employees Are Empowered to Feel Like A Valuable Part of the Team

Companies who have support from their employees have a better chance of reaching their goals. In the case of Xerox, the company even managed a dramatic turnaround thanks to the efforts of its CEO. This and other success stories all have a common thread - employees are part of the decision-making process.

  • Employees who buy into the plan will welcome change - one of the toughest situations businesses face is change management. There are a number of reasons employees feel ill at ease with change and these include: a lack of understanding, inability to see how it affects the bigger picture, and a shortage of skills or staff to manage current tasks. Those who are part of the journey from the ground up will respond better to change.

  • Employees are better able to motivate their peers - It’s easy to assume that motivation is only needed at a managerial level. Real motivation filters through to other staff members, who will have a positive effect on their colleagues. This promotes teamwork and better facilitation of projects.

  • Employees will feel like they’re part of something special - One of the biggest reasons employees hate their jobs is the feeling that they’re not valuable collaborators.

How To Knuckle Down and Listen to Employees

Managers often avoid listening to an employee because they assume it will involve a cup of coffee and they then proceed to tell their whole life’s tale. However, this is not the case. When employees speak, it’s important for managers to listen with the intention of understanding their situation.

Managers need to be aware that listening to someone is about giving them more than just a platform to speak. They also need to know that their input is valuable. This means that they can’t share the floor or compete with other people or devices. This is about fostering good relationships overall. Managers can take a queue from their personal relationships in this regard. If it doesn’t work at home it also won’t work at the office. These include:

  • Using an electronic device, replying to messages, scheduling appointments, etc. while an employee has the floor.

  • Don’t take it personally. The employee is merely conveying things that are important to them. If they’re being disrespectful or disruptive, rather call them aside and deal with them personally than in front of the group.

  • Use the opportunity to grow. Nothing spells leader more than the ability to take criticism without getting offended.

Fostering good - yet professional - relationships with staff will involve learning a bit more about them as people. Remember the things that are important to them in order to build a relationship of trust. After all, Sir Richard Branson once said “If you look after your staff, they’ll look after your customers. It’s that simple.”

 

From contributor, Jackie

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[Quick public speaking tip] 3 Ways you need to use listening if you are speaking to persuade

It's not just speaking ... when we speak to persuade.

Successful persuasion also lies in the ability to actively listen, even, and especially, in the field of public speaking.

 

listening_persuade

 

Successful speaking to persuade relies on knowing your audience.

What are their needs and wants?

How are they thinking about your proposal?

What are they likely to favour about it?

What is going to stand in the way of them being persuaded?

What are their doubts?

What are their objections?

What are the obstacles to them moving forward with your suggestions?

Listen to them - before the presentation - survey them, talk to them, ask the event organiser about them - and listen.

Listen to them - during the presentation - ask them questions - and listen.

Successful speaking to persuade relies on seeing moments where you can gain agreement - maybe a comment or question from your audience, a situation from which you can draw an analogy, maybe a report back from a group discussion.

Listen for those and keep a line of thinking open that will allow you to use those moments to really amp up the energy of your speaking response.

Successful speaking to persuade relies on your being adaptable. It's one of the lessons I teach in my workshops and seminars on PowerPoint. Be prepared to change the course or direction of your presentation. If it seems that your audience puts value on one point or discussion over another, or if the feedback, comments or discussion suggests that a different direction would work best, then be prepared to change the structure of the presentation that you had prepared in advance.

This means that not only is your structure working for you. It also means that you are building trust. You care enough about your audience to change direction for them and you are confident enough in your material and your beliefs to change direction for them.

Listen, then, to their comments, to their suggestions and the tone of their discussions.

So I have covered three areas of listening that will build the success of your persuasive speaking - knowing your audience, watching for opportunities to ramp up the energy and being adaptable.

Do you use any other listening techniques to successfully persuade?

 

 

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Audience feedback!

We learn what we have said from those who listen to our speaking.

Kenneth Patton

Seven Ways to Be a Better Listener

Pivotal Behind the Magic

Most people have had a phone call or even been in someone's office to discuss an important topic and have left the conversation feeling like they were not heard at all. What was it about that experience that didn't work? The person you were talking to was a bad listener. We've all been there - distracted, busy, uninterested... there are a million reasons that we make up for not listening to another person. It's time to ditch the excuses and become a better listener.

Why do I need to be a better listener?

1) Opportunity to hear new ideas that may spark innovation and new ways of thinking

2) Respect for the individual in front of you whether it's on the phone or in person

3) Great leaders listen to others because they know that a basic human need is to be truly heard

Ready for the good news? Effective listening does not mean long drawn out conversations! It's not about the length of the discussion (time); it's the quality of the interaction that is most important. Regardless if the conversations you participate in are scheduled or impromptu, you can be a better listener by actively applying the following seven steps.

1) Stop what you're doing - When someone asks for your time and you agree to give it to them, stop whatever tasks you were in the middle of doing and get ready to listen.

2) Resist the urge to multitask - IMs popping up on your screen? Emails flowing in like a waterfall? If you're on the phone, turn your back on your computer and turn your Smartphone upside down and ignore it. If you're in person, you can still turn away from your computer or better yet, if possible, close your laptop.

3) Don't interrupt over and over and over (WAIT) - Remember to WAIT when speaking with others (Why Am I Talking). If they can't get a word in edgewise because you're sharing your knowledge and experience, asking a ton of questions like a firing squad, or giving direction, the person you are speaking to will not feel heard because they could hardly get their thoughts out.

4) Get out of your own head (stop the internal dialog) - When you catch yourself going over your next point in your head, or going over your grocery list or anything else for that matter - STOP. Listening is about hearing the other person and you can only do that if you're really focusing on what they have to say.

5) Ask questions - Seek to understand! Confused on a point? Ask questions for greater clarity. Unsure of the objective? Ask what they want to see happen. Your questions will not only keep you actively engaged in the conversation but will also help the speaker clarify and get value from your conversation as well.

6) Playback - Summarize the feeling and content of the conversation. It will serve to ensure you're on the same page and to give you an opportunity to keep the discussion moving forward. Try phrases like: "What I hear you saying is..." "It sounds like..." "Is this a fair summary of what's you're saying?" "I can really hear your passion around this topic"

7) Confirm any action points - If there are action items for either one of you, make sure that they are explicitly restated at the end. Others will appreciate that you know where things are heading and you're on board.

The path to becoming a star listener will take some time but those that interact with you will reap the benefits and in the long run, so will you.

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Alli Polin is the founder and president of Break the Frame, LLC. She works with leaders to create stronger and more intentional cultures and truly great places to work through change management and organization and leadership development. Alli is driven by the knowledge that leadership confidence, competence, creativity, innovation, and inspiration can transform any individual or organization and successfully propel them into the future. For more information please visit http://www.breaktheframe.com or contact Alli at alli@breaktheframe.com.

Self improvement exposed


byPersonal
Success Secrets



Includes  such topics as
:

Helping Yourself With Bio-Feedback,  Anger Management Tips,
Manners At a Movie Theater (And Other Public Places), Are You in
Charge of Your Life?, Tips to Handle Daily Pressures,
 The Power of Words - the Art of Speaking

How to listen so that you handle the Q&A session effectively

In this excellent article, John Zimmer looks at the question and answer period in terms of listening.  He comes up with 9 excellent ways to handle this sometimes difficult part of a presentation, and covers listening as well.

An important aspect of public speaking occurs, paradoxically, when it the speaker’s turn to stop talking and listen to questions or comments from the audience.  These moments are to be welcomed.  They show that the audience members are engaged and they afford the speaker an opportunity to interact more closely with them.  To make the most of these moments, a speaker must listen actively.

Listen

Photo courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Active listening means listening for the meaning and feeling of what the other person is saying.  It means paying attention to what is being said and thinking carefully about how to respond.  This might seem like common sense, but as Mark Twain once said, “Common sense isn’t so common.”  So how we listen actively? Here are some points:

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The single most powerful way to increase your charisma–and audience connection

Nick Morgan writing at his best ...

What is the single most powerful way to increase your persuasive connection with an audience – and your charisma at the same time?


Listening.

When you listen with your whole body, using your intuition or unconscious to read the emotions of those with whom you’re communicating, the result is a connection with the other people in the room that they experience as engaging, fascinating, and indeed charismatic

There is so much more to this amazing post that you'll want to read it all ...