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Q. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
A: Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!
Q: What's a monster's favorite bean?
A: A human bean.
Q: Where did the goblin throw the football?
A: Over the ghoul line.
Q: When a goblin comes home from work what does
he say his wife?
A:"Hey pumpkin!"
There are three things I have learned never to
discuss with people: religion, politics and
the Great Pumpkin. ~ Linus Van Pelt in "It's the
Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown"
Q: Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
A: Because he is always a goblin.
Q: What do you call a goblin who gets too close
to a bonfire?
A: A toasty ghosty.
Q: What do you call two spiders that just got
married?
A: Newlywebbed
Q: What do you get when you cross a black cat
with a lemon.
A: sour-puss
Trip to Walmart
It was mid-October and I
was waiting for my wife, Julie, at the checkout at
Walmart supermarket in Worcester, Massachusetts, USA, I
noticed that someone had left behind their broom.
When no one came to
claim it, I went outside to search for a couple I
remembered seeing at the cashier's desk. I spotted them
getting into their truck and hurried over.
'Excuse me,' I said to
the young woman, 'but did you by any chance leave your
broom inside?'
'No,' she retorted quickly and with a smile, 'we came by
truck.'
Q: How do you keep a monster from biting his
nails?
A: Give him screws.
Q: Why did the headless horseman go into
business?
A: He wanted to get ahead in life.
Q: What's a monsters favorite desert?
A: I-Scream!!
Q: Riddle: the maker does not want, it the buyer
does not use it, and the user does not see it,
what is it?
A: a coffin.
A photographer goes to a haunted castle
determined to get a picture of a ghost. The
ghost he encounters turns out to be friendly and
poses for a snapshot. The happy photographer
dashes to his studio, develops the film
and…learns that the photos are underexposed and
completely blank.
Moral to the story: The
spirit is willing, but the flash is weak
Q: What do you call a monster who poisons corn
flakes?
A: A cereal killer.
Q: When do gholes cook their victims?
A: On Fry Day
Q: What's the ratio of a pumpkin's circumference
to its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi
Q: What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying
to quit smoking?
A: A pumpkin patch!!!
Jake: Why
couldn’t the ghost see its mom and dad?
Philip: I
don’t know.
Jake: Because
they were trans-parents!
Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
A: No, they eat the fingers separately...
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich.
What does a vampire fear the
most? Tooth decay.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A
hoblin goblin.
Two monsters went to a party. Suddenly one said
to the other, “A lady just rolled her eyes at
me. What should I do?”
“Be a gentleman
and roll them back to her.”
Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets?
Bootiques.
Why don't skeletons like parties? They have no
body to dance with.
What's the problem with twin witches? You never
know which witch is which.
What did the skeleton say to the bartender? I'll
have two beers and a mop.
Dale: What
do you do if you want to learn more about
Dracula?
Gayle: You
join his fang club.
What's
it like to be kissed by a vampire? It's a pain
in the neck.
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a
snowman? Frostbite.
How does a ghost say goodbye to a vampire? So
long, sucker!
What do you call a witch's garage? A broom
closet.
Wrong Name
One night of
Halloween, two guys who were going through the
cemetery perceived a tap-tap-tapping sound from a
tomb what made them very scared.
When they came closer
to the tomb warily, they saw that the noise was made
by an old man who was working skillfully with a
hammer at one of the gravestones.
They started to feel
much better and asked the man, "Why are you doing
this work in the middle of the night? You frightened
us for a moment."
The old man moaned
and complained, "What else can I do? Those idiots
spelled my name wrong!
Why do mummies have so much trouble keeping
friends? They're too wrapped up in themselves.
Why don't mummies take vacations? They're afraid
they'll relax and unwind.
Why do mummies make excellent spies? They're
good at keeping things under wraps.
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you
are on Halloween. ~ Erma Bombeck
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