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Friday 29th January 2009
I am home from a small piece of surgery in
hospital, so to cheer me up and for your Friday
fun today, Ive collected humour about
hospitals.
Todays quotations
A hospital is no place to be sick.
Samuel Goldwyn
Getting out of the hospital is
a lot like resigning from a book club. You're
not out of it until the computer says you're out
of it.
Erma Bombeck
After two days in hospital,
I took a turn for the nurse.
W. C. Field
Hospital rooms
seem to have vastly more ceiling than any rooms
people live in
Bertha Damon
The best doctor in the world is the
veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is
the matter-he's got to just know.
Will Rogers
My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope
they're in August.
Ronnie Shakes
If you trust Google more than your doctor than
maybe it's time to switch doctors. Jadelr
and Cristina Cordova
and todays jokes
Allergy
As part of the admission procedure in the
hospital where I work, I ask the patients if
they are allergic to anything.
If they are, I print it on an allergy band
placed on the patients' wrists.
Once when I asked an elderly woman if she had
any allergies, she said she couldn't eat
bananas.
Imagine my surprise when several hours later a
very irate son came out to the nurses' station
demanding, "Who's responsible for labelling my
mother 'bananas'?"
Mechanic v Doctor Story
Allan, a mechanic, was removing a cylinder head
from a Harley-Davidson motorbike, when he
spotted a world-famous heart surgeon in his
garage. The heart surgeon was waiting for the
service manager to come and take a look at his
bike.
Allan shouted across the garage, 'Hey Doc can I
ask you a question?' The famous surgeon, a bit
surprised, walked over to Allan. Allan
straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and
asked, 'So Doc, look at this engine. I also can
open hearts, take valves out, fix 'em, put in
new parts and when I finish this will work just
like a new one. So how come I work for a
pittance and you get the really big money, when
you and I are doing basically the same work?'
The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over and
whispered in Allan's ear, 'Try doing it with the
engine running.'
Keep Taking the Medicine
Patient: It's been one month since my last visit
and I still feel miserable.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the
medicine I gave you?
Patient: I sure did - the bottle said 'keep
tightly closed.
Beware of Your Doctor Uttering These Phrases
During Surgery
1.
Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!
2.
Better save that. We'll need it for the
autopsy.
3.
Wait a minute, if this is his spleen,
then what's that?
4.
Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
5.
...and could you stop that thing from
beating; it's throwing my concentration off
6.
Anyone see where I left that scalpel?
7.
Orthodox medicine has not found an answer
to your complaint. However, luckily for you, I
happen to be a quack.
8.
FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
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