Pivotal Friday Fun Fortnightly

All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
Charles M. Schulz

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
Groucho Marx

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'Rourke

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.
Bill Cosby

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
Fran Lebowitz

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin

… and today’s jokes

The Son’s Gift- A Bible joke

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.”

The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”

The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He’s one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it.”

Soon thereafter, mom sent out her letters of thanks:

“Milton,” she wrote one son, “The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house.”

“Gerald,” she wrote to another, “I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!”

“Dearest Donald,” she wrote to her third son, “You have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious.

Is she feeling any better?

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?

Nurse: No change yet.

The train and the tea kettle

An old man who’d lived all his life back up in the hills came to visit a childhood friend. Now he’d never laid eyes on a train or the iron rails on which they run.

Standing in the middle of the tracks one day, he heard a distant whistle… WOOOO–ooo—OOOOO! but didn’t have a clue as to what it meant or his impending danger.

Predictably, the old boy is hit — fortunately it’s just a side swipe, and he’s thrown, head over heels off the tracks, get’s off with minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

After weeks in the hospital recovering, he’s at a friend’s place for dinner one evening. Standing in the kitchen, he hears the rising whistle of the family tea kettle wooOOO….

Springing into action, he grabs a rolling pin and mercilessly bashes and smashes the once merry kettle into a useless, shapeless hunk of copper.

His friend, hearing the fuss, rushes into the kitchen, sees what’s happened and asks his friend, “Why’d you wreck our lovely tea kettle?”

The mountain man replies: “Man, you gotta kill these things when they’re small.”

………………………………………………………………………………

Tired of being turned down for promotions? You can change all that!

Revolutionary new self-study course, "How to Lead” teaches you life-changing leadership skills. Learn what leadership really is—and what it isn’t. Learn to use your own unique qualities to motivate. Find out how to create a vision for the future and gain buy-in from others. Discover how to build high-achieving teams. Go to http://www.consultpivotal.com/Amind_leader.htm, order “How to Lead” today and start leading tomorrow!

…………………………………………………………………………………...

Subscribe to Pivotal Fortnightly Fun … just send an email to bronwyn@consultpivotal.com

Unsubscribe.

Bronwyn Ritchie’s Pivotal Network

Resources to use when you pivot - change direction, towards a better you, a better tomorrow.