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Tennis
The depressing thing about tennis is that no
matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as
a wall.
- Mitch
Hedberg
Nobody beats Vitas Gerulaitis 17 times in a row.
- Vitas Gerulaitis, on finally beating Jimmy
Connors
I enjoyed the position I was in as a tennis
player. I was to blame when I lost. I was to
blame when I won. And I really like that,
because I played soccer a lot too, and I
couldn't stand it when I had to blame it on the
goalkeeper.
Roger Federer
I used to cut guitars out of a piece of
cardboard to copy the Strat look. I used a
backwards tennis racket for a while and
graduated to the cardboard cutout.
Rick Springfield
If you can keep playing tennis when somebody is
shooting a gun down the street, that's
concentration.
Serena Williams
Ted Tinling,
on former WTA player Gabriela Sabatini...
"She looks like Marilyn Monroe and walks like
John Wayne."
Yannick Noah,
when asked what he thought was the best part of
his game.
"My beautiful legs"
"I threw everything and the kitchen sink at him,
so he went into the bathroom and got the tub"
- Andy Roddick after losing to Roger
Federer in the Wimbledon final 2004
… and today’s jokes
Too Much Tennis
You know you watch too much tennis when you
think about what every sport would be like with
a racquet.
You know you watch too much tennis when you can
impersonate every player.
You know you watch too much tennis when you can
name top 100 players but can't remember your
kids’ names.
You know you watch too much tennis when you keep
track of every statistic of every player, and
their ranking and ranking points but can't ace
Statistics in school.
You know you watch too much tennis when you name
your kids after pros.
You know you play too much tennis when you
overhead smash your kid brother.
You know you play too much tennis when you call
the line judge whenever there is an argument.
You know you play too much tennis when instead of
fighting someone who stole your girlfriend; you
challenge him to a pro-set match.
You know you play too much tennis when you are
sitting on the court right now with a laptop
reading this.
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A middle management executive has to
take on some sport, by his doctor's
orders, so he decides to play
tennis. After a couple of weeks his
secretary asks him how he's doing.
"It's going fine, " the manager
says. "When I'm on the court and I
see the ball speeding towards me, my
brain immediately says, 'To the
corner! Back hand! To the net!
Smash! Go back!'" "Really? What
happens then?" the secretary asks.
"Then my body says, 'Who? Me? You
must be kidding!'" |
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Q: What did one tennis ball say to
the other tennis ball?
A: “See you round.” |
Why should you never fall in love with a tennis
player?
To them, "Love" means nothing.
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Q: Why are fish never good tennis
players?
A: They don't like getting close to
the net. |
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A boy went up to his tennis coach &
said " I need a new racquet, this
one's really busted up".
The Coach said "yeah, that racquet's
got more chips in it than Mcdonalds". |
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Q: How many tennis players does it
take to screw in a light bulb? A:
“What do you mean it was out, it was
in!!!” |
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Q. Where is the first tennis match
mentioned in the Bible?
A. When Joseph served in Pharaoh's
court. |
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Q: What is the definition of endless
love?
A. Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder
playing tennis |
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