,

Public Speaking quote from Henry Ward Beecher

It's such a lovely old-fashioned quote, isn't it? "Whip with a switch" from the days of horses and horse carriages. And I would think that if you used a switch without leaves it would certainly tingle, though these days we shudder a little at the thought of beating the poor animal.

Nevertheless, writing as he was, in his time, Henry Ward has made a timeless point - waffling does not drive home searching truths.

And there's another wonderful term "searching truths". Ah! If all the points I make when I speak cause my audiences to search their beliefs and themselves, I would be very happy!

I wish you (and me) speaking experiences that drive us and our points home ... in fine style!

How do I know if I have “Hurry Sickness”?

 

  • I typically drive 10 or more miles/hour over the speed limit.

  • I interrupt others and/or finish their sentences.

  • I get impatient in meetings when someone goes on a tangent.

  • I find it difficult to respect people who are chronically late.

  • I rush to be first in line, even when it doesn't matter (for example, getting off an airplane first in order to stand at Baggage Claim longer).

  • If I have to wait over a few minutes for service in a store or restaurant, I get impatient and leave or demand service. To me time is money!

  • I generally view as less capable those who may be slower to speak act or decide. I admire people who move at my speedy pace! I pride myself on my speed, efficiency, and punctuality.

  • I view "hanging out" as a waste of time.

  • I pride myself on getting things done on time, and will sacrifice the chance to improve a product if it means being late.

  • I often rush or hurry my children and/or spouse.

 

*You can find more on "Hurry Sickness" in the Bantam book, Time Management For Unmanageable People by Ann McGee-Cooper.

What is "Hurry Sickness?"

The hurrier I go, the behinder I get!" Ever have that overwhelming feeling of hopelessness? You go into work earlier, determined to get caught up, only to get hit with a deluge of crises, interruptions, and new projects. By the end of the day, you've worked as hard as humanly possible. Yet you marked nothing off your list while you added six big new responsibilities.

Sound familiar? Then you aren't alone because most people are experiencing the influence of downsizing, the acceleration brought about by new technology and the pressure to get more done in less time with fewer people and fewer dollars.

But Hurry Sickness is more than just feeling rushed and wanting to get off the "worry-go-round" of daily obligations, the corporate rat race, or relief from pressure cooker lives.

Just as Pavlov's dogs learned to salivate inappropriately, we have learned to hurry inappropriately. Our sense of urgency is set off not by a real need to act quickly, but through learned cues. Our 'bells' have become the watch, the alarm clock the morning coffee, and the hundreds of self-inflicted expectations that we build into our daily routine. The subliminal message from the watch and the clock is: time is running out; life is winding down; please hurry," says Dr. Larry Dossey in his book, Space, Time &Medicine. He continues, "The perceptions of passing time that we observe from our external clocks cause our internal clocks to run faster ... [Hurry sickness then is] expressed as heart disease, high blood pressure, or depression of our immune function, leading to an increased susceptibility to infection and cancer."

Another metaphor comes from the medical world, called fibrillation. When your heart begins fibrillation (a rapid beating), the blood is blocked rather than pumped through it. In Hurry Sickness, you begin to rush without noticing that you may be defeating your larger purpose. By rushing through a meeting, for example, you may "end the meeting on time" but fail to build the trust or gain the buy-in needed from all parties. If you rush through a phone call, proud of your efficient use of time, you may miss the hesitation in your client's voice, and lose the sale as a result.

Most important of all, you may rush through your life - be the youngest to become CEO, first to win the marathon, and first to earn your million - only to realize that, in your rush, you never quite had the time to enjoy your loved ones, or all the special moments that make life worthwhile. When a grown child tells you that you were never there for them, it can be too late to go back. However, it's never too late to hear the "wake-up call" of choosing to change and live life differently.

OK, so you've made your point! But how do I change when all my life I've been rewarded for rushing?

It's true. In school, you rushed to be first in line. You were rewarded for good work by being first to go to lunch. And the best student was described as being first in his/her class. So you must do lots of unlearning if you are serious about renewing your spirit, rediscovering your true effectiveness and enriching the quality of your life, work, purpose, and joy.

Here are some ways to begin:

  1. As you plan each day and look ahead to the week, plan windows of time to go off the clock.

  2. Take off your watch for the evening or weekend.

  3. Plan time to do nothing.

  4. Enjoy day-dreaming, doodling, snoozing, or coasting.

  5. When you evaluate your day, week or month, reward yourself for creating a balance of doing AND being, accomplishing work AND smelling the roses, being efficient AND being aware.

  6. Purposely plan silence into your life. Listen to your body, your feelings, and your intuition. The inspiration of genius rises out of silence.

Did you ever stop to notice the cars in the "Indy 500" race? Of all the cars that begin that race each year, less than half finishes the race! Not a great performance record for the most expensive, best engineered, and most carefully maintained cars with price tags of approximately $.5 million. What is the single greatest factor leading to their failure? They are driven at only one speed - and the faster the better!

If you have the courage to recognize your own Hurry Sickness and choose to balance this compulsive life style with a more nurturing and balanced blend of speeds (neutral, 1st gear, 2nd gear, and even reverse), you will improve your health, long-term effectiveness, and quality of life. You'll also become a far better leader and a positive role model for those who love, respect, and trust you.

Author:  Dr Ann McGee-Cooper

 

Talking to Yourself – A Sign of Sanity

Though we live in a noisy world, many people struggle with too much silence in their lives. They are either living alone or living with others who are engrossed in their own thing. (That's easy to do in the digital age).


 Sure you can always click on the TV, the radio, or your latest digital gizmo. But what happens if you're aching for a live person to talk to? To bounce ideas off of? To appreciate your accomplishments (big or small)? 


When you're feeling lonely, chances are you're neglecting to give enough attention to a very special person. One who is always there with you. Who's that? Why, you, of course. 

 


So, talk to yourself. Not just in your head. But out loud. 


Talk to yourself out loud? Doesn't that mean you're becoming daft? Losing it? Ready for the funny farm? 


Not at all. Talking with yourself not only relieves the loneliness, it may also make you smarter. 


Smarter? How?

It helps you clarify your thoughts, tend to what's important and firm up any decisions you're contemplating. 


Just one proviso. You become smarter only if you speak respectfully to yourself. I know one woman, a sane and lovely lady, who is not so lovely to herself. Her self-talk is a testament to everything she has done wrong. "You idiot!" is her hallmark headline, followed with a complete dressing down. "You should have done it this way; you should have been aware of that; you should have thought of it sooner." 


That kind of self-talk is worse than no talk at all. So if your style is like her style, cut it out ...right now. Begin talking to yourself like you are your own best friend. Which you are. Right? 


Here are four types of self-talk that will make you smarter and feel better about yourself: 


Complimentary Self-Talk: Why wait to get compliments from another? If you deserve them, give them to yourself. Besides most people aren't going to have the foggiest notion about the little actions you take that serve you well. Like the time you were tempted but decided to bypass the Carvel store because you honored your commitment to yourself to lose five pounds. 


Doesn't that deserve a shout-out compliment such as, "I'm proud of you." Or the time you finally accomplished a bunch of things that you've been meaning to do? Doesn't that deserve a shout-out "good job!" Kids hear that phrase incessantly while most adults never hear it. Let's fix that right now!


Motivational Self-Talk: 


You may not feel like doing boring or difficult tasks. Live with others and they'll give you a swift kick in the pants as a reminder to clean up your mess or tend to that tough task. But you can motivate yourself to get going with a much kinder voice. "Hey sweetie-pie, (that's you you're talking to). You've got time this morning to tidy up; how about it?" Or, "Hey, big guy, time to call your accountant before the IRS comes knockin' at your door." 


Outer Dialogue Self-Talk: 


Having trouble with making a decision? Should you stay or should you go? Speak up or stay silent? Buy this gift or that gift? Choices aren't easy. Indeed, because they're so difficult, we often don't really make a choice; we respond impulsively from habit or anxiety. It's much more effective, however, to create a dialogue with yourself so that you can hear what you think. 


"I want to stay because of xxxx but I want to go because of yyyy. I'm clearly ambivalent. Nevertheless, l need to figure out which decision to make. Time to have an interesting dialogue with myself and see which way the wind is blowing." Having such a dialogue can assist you in making a commendable compromise or a workable conciliation between your wants, your needs and others' expectations. 


Goal-Setting Self-Talk: 


Let's say you're trying to be better organized so the holidays are not so frenzied. Setting a goal and making a plan (i.e. what to do, when to do it, how to do it) can be a big help. Sure you can just make a list, but saying it out loud focuses your attention, reinforces the message, controls your runaway emotions and screens out distractions. 


Top athletes do this all the time by telling themselves to, "Keep your head down. Keep your eye on the ball. Breathe." It works well for them, why not for you? 


Whether you're living by yourself or living with others, you're always living with yourself. So, don't leave yourself out of the equation. Converse, chatter, communicate respectfully with yourself. It's not a sign of insanity. It's a sign of good health. 


Copyright © 2012: Linda Sapadin, Ph.D 
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist and success coach who specializes in helping people overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. If your life is one long disconnect between what you intend to do and what you actually get around to doing, check out my new book, How to Beat Procrastination in the Digital Age. 
SixStylesofProcrastination.com, you can take a personality quiz. View a chart that describes the thinking, speaking and acting modes of each procrastination style. Read inspirational quotes just for procrastinators. And if you're pleased with your accomplishments but recognize how much easier it would be with a tailwind at your back, explore my coaching services.

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The Potential of Change

I have found that in life and in business that if you are unable to adapt to change quickly, things will become very frustrating and you will find yourself lagging behind and eventually, become stagnant and quit. I find myself often reminding people that change is the only constant; and it honestly is a constant that you can count on and oftentimes, you have absolutely no control over when change occurs. So, instead of feeling like a victim of change, let's become masters of it!

 

The Potential of Change - Are You Watching?

Very rarely will things change suddenly. Most of the time change will start as a gradual process that will begin to gain momentum and eventually, become the new constant until it changes again. You see this in sports, fashion, food, music, cultural norms and in business. There are so many people who hate change and for the most part, if you ask them why, they have very little concrete reasons why. Many people will tell you that it changed suddenly! But, if we are honest with ourselves, we saw it coming a long time ago but chose to ignore it hoping that something would prevent it from happening. Guess what? change still came!

Let's try this next time; let's become more observant, let's keep an eye out for any changes that might be occurring. Whether it is in your department, in your organizational structure, leadership, business model, marketing strategies or staff. Let's decide to get ahead of it so we are not "caught off guard". Change is not a bad thing all the time, it is simply change. Look for it, embrace it and then, do something about it instead of trying to fight it. Being observant to ongoing or shifts in your particular niche' or vertical can mean the difference in becoming an industry leader or a "Johnny come lately". Change can really work to your advantage if you have the proper perspective. You just have to change your perception of change.

The Potential of Change - Change How You See Things

"What if it's a bad thing Dave?" "We do not want to embrace bad things Dave!" And you are absolutely right. But let's focus on the type of changes that pertain to our businesses and how we can change our perception of those changes. There had been many times when I thought changes in things like marketing for instance; inbound market sounded like making "Root beer" flavored potato chips and I don't think that will last long! But the truth of the matter is that inbound marketing is one of the best ways to market if you truly want to scale your business and keep and expand your repeat, loyal customers.

Look, there are so many business owners that try everything that comes down the pike and have very little ROI to show for it; so now, when they see or hear about a "proven" marketing tool, they pass. If you read one of my older articles called "You Can't Stop Marketing", you'll see that you can't do that. Things HAVE CHANGED and we need to learn how to adapt as business owners. So many small business owners are resistant to change and wonder why the own their job (they spend 12 or more hours a day and make very little progress).

There are few successful business owners that truly invest in themselves. Rarely will a small business owner to go to a business workshop, spend thirty to forty-five minutes watching a webinar or become involved in their local Chamber of Commerce. These examples are just a few things that we can do that has the potential to pay huge dividends in our businesses but, they will require you to change. I think that many small business owners believe that if they change, it equates to being wrong and they cannot admit to being wrong! Wow! That is a lot of pressure and pride working there. There is not a perfect person on the face of the earth! We learn from our mistakes (hopefully) and make the needed adjustments. Failure should never be the end, it should never cause you to throw in the towel. Learning from our mistakes and making those needed adjustments can be the difference in achieving success.

The Potential of Change - Change What You Do

Ladies and gentlemen listen, being resistant, adapting, overcoming, taking advantage of and looking for the next big thing to use to your advantage before anyone else does, is all a part of how we perceive change.

I really want you to be the best business owner that you can possibly be and to do that will require you to learn how to use changes to your advantage. I need all of you to be as innovative as you can possibly be. Innovation is the key! We have gone from rooms filled with one computer to desktops, laptops, and even tablets. We have gone from using telegraphs to calling the telephone operator directly, to dialing direct, to cordless, to pagers, to massive mobile phones, to phones that fit in your purse or your pocket.

Innovation is a term that the business sector uses in place of change. Invention, Revolution, Modernization, Improvement, and Advance are synonyms of innovation and each word has an element of change in them. Let's not shrink from change out of fear but be the innovators that move things forward! Let's be the ones that are the front-runners, even how we interact with each other. You realize that competition does not equate enemy. The pie is so big and we can actually benefit from strategic (legal) collaboration from time to time. (That's for another article to come). So, can you change? Can you embrace change and become the master of it? Can you be the innovator that I know you can be? Can you change?

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3900 Saturdays

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday morning. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the garage with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it:

I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind; he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whomever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles." I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say.

"Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. It's too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital," he continued; "Let me tell you something that has helped me keep my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles."

"You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years.

Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3,900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now, stick with me, Tom, I'm getting to the important part.




It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail," he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up 1,000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear.

Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life.

 

There's nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.

Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time.
It was nice to meet you Tom. I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. This is a 75 year old man, K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!"





You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter.

Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast."

"What brought this on?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. And hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles."

 

What I love about stories is that they can speak to our soul. This is only one of many great stories in my book, Charging the Human Battery...50 Ways to Motivate Yourself.   Sometimes, our greatest challenge is getting inside our own heads to determine...what makes us tick? That's what this book is all about!

Life’s Biggest Con

What scares you? What stories do you make up to con yourself into holding back? What would you do if you didn't con yourself into being scared?

I've done something that scared the heck out of me. But it also turned out to be the best thing I've ever done!

Two years ago, I discovered that my Dad needed a kidney and as soon as I realized I might be the answer he needed, the voices in my head began to resist and shout!

"NO WAY can I give up a kidney! Are you kidding me!? I need both kidneys! I can't do it!"

Fear struck me down in an instant. I had never given up a body part. For that matter, I had never even stayed in hospital.

Despite the fear, I mentally considered the idea ... and I the more I thought about it, the more terrified I became. What if I had kidney failure in the future? Would I be able to have kids? What if something went wrong and I had impaired health for the rest of my life? Don't we need both kidneys?

All the while, Dad never asked me or any other member of our family for a kidney. I decided to get tested on my own. I was the only one in my family that got tested and I felt isolated. I felt like Dad's health was my responsibility alone. The fear held an even firmer grip on my mind.


 

And to accelerate the mental spin I was already in, there were plenty of well-meaning people ready to offer up their unsolicited opinion to help build and fortify my "wall of fear."

These were just a few of the fantastic and ridiculous comments I heard:

· "I know someone who donated a kidney and they got really fat as a result. You might get really fat". (A young woman's worst fear!)

· "Will you be able to have children?"

· "You'll have to give up alcohol."

· "You'll have to change your diet, become a vegetarian."

· "What happens if your kidney fails and you don't have a spare?"

· "What if you're in a car accident and your remaining kidney gets hurt?"

· "What about the yin and yang and flow through your body that they refer to in Chinese medicine? Losing a kidney will interrupt that and ruin your health!"

In the midst of all that, I decided to move forward. Dad told me I could pull out at anytime and he wouldn't think the worst of me. But I had made up my mind and I began to rise above the fear, rise above my own con job.

 

By the time the day of the operation arrived, I was actually calm.

When I awoke from the surgery, the doctors had me on a drip line and added 7kg of fluid to my body - even my chicken legs were fat! And they had pumped my body cavity full of gas. My surgeons joked that I looked like I should be in the maternity ward!

But, guess what? That was the worst of it. Despite my fears and the warnings of well-meaning friends, there were no complications and my recovery was quick. I was only in the hospital for 4 days. It only took a week for the fluid to leave my body and a few short months for the swelling to deflate completely. I was dancing - albeit somewhat carefully - after just 2 weeks, and returned to work after 4 weeks.

Now, giving up a kidney should be pretty scary for anyone, right? It's an important body part and you can't get it back once it's gone. It certainly was a scary prospect for me! But I did it, and the truth is that it wasn't a big deal. It wasn't a big deal at all! It was only my thinking that made it so. It's sort of like bungy jumping. The scariest part is the fear you con yourself into believing before you jump. After you jump, it's exhilarating.

I realized that I was incredibly fortunate to have been given an opportunity to donate my kidney. With that realization, though, came an insightful question that stopped me in my tracks:

If I could give up a kidney ... if it really wasn't such a big deal ... then what else could I have done if I hadn't let fear get in the way?

I could ... I CAN ... do so much more! I got it! I wasn't living up to my potential and I was 100% responsible. The only thing holding me back was me! I have since decided that I am not going to waste another minute. I LIVE, not exist. I've got massive goals and thoroughly ENJOY every moment of my life.

It's been over two years now and I'm delighted to report that Dad hasn't rejected the kidney. My gift has given Dad a far superior quality of life, has had zero adverse effects on my health, and the whole experience has undoubtedly brought Dad & I closer. I have realized that the joy is truly in the giving.

And I understand that fear is simply a con game we play on ourselves. It is all in our mind.

By acting in the face of fear and giving up my kidney, I received the greatest gift imaginable. I feel fantastic! My life is utterly different now, I LOVE it! From this experience, I've acquired a massive desire to wake people up, to let them know that they should never let fear hold them back, to inspire them to live NOW ...and to make the world a better place.

I'm up for big stuff ... and I'm going for it.
What are you up for? You'll only discover what you're capable of doing if you are willing to do it afraid!
Adrienne Rich
Auckland, New Zealand, Current Member - Bob Proctor Coaching Program
For more information on Bob Proctor Coaching programs or to comment on today's story, please email: bob@bobproctorcoaching.com