Public speaking - Pivotal

Um, How to Eliminate your Filler Words

This is a guest post from Kwesi Millington.

Kwesi is a public speaking, storytelling & confidence coach, teaching you to speak, share, serve and live with greater confidence. Check out his website at www.CommunicateToCreate.com and do watch his periscopes. He shares some very practical tips on speaking and story.

When you speak, are your phrases littered with "um's" and "ah's"? Do filler words fill your speeches?

When I first started speaking, I HATED silence. I used to do anything to fill those silences. And when I didn't know what to say next, I filled them with the non-word no-no's that most people often use in conversation. The “Um's”, “Ah's”, “Likes” and “You knows”. It's not that the audience did not understand my speeches when I used these words, but I appeared nervous, unprepared, and less professional.

I devoted myself to working on my delivery, and once I started to eliminate these filler words, I started to be told that my messages were more powerful, and that I was a pretty good speaker!

The thing is, the messages did not change to cause improvements; I literally TOOK AWAY words to make my speeches better, instead of adding them.

Let's look at 5 strategies you can use starting now to become a, um, better speaker. These are easy to apply steps that will improve your communication and make you appear more confident. It's as easy as one word: PAUSE.

P – Practice

Rehearse Your Speech. I have heard people say they can “wing it” or that they sound staged when they prepare beforehand. If that is you, fine, but from experience, complete practice leads to calm performances. People add fillers to make up for spaces in a speech that they are not prepared for. When you practice your speech, you get to know your material inside and out. This way, if you forget a part, you can pause and let it come back to you (because you have practised), or simply move on because lets face it, YOU are the only one who knows what you forgot anyways. How do you practice? See my article on the 5Ps of Perfect Practice for more.

A – Answer

When you ask your audience a rhetorical question to your audience (ie: Have you ever had a time when...?), take a moment to quickly answer the question in YOUR mind before continuing to speak. This does 2 things: firstly, it allows the audience to absorb your question, showing that you respect them and actually want them to think about it. Secondly, it forces you to pause, in a spot that you may have otherwise used fillers. The pause makes you look more polished and professional, and then you can continue speaking at your next sentence/thought.

U – Use Everyday as Practice

I once read of a question asked of high school students. They were asked to describe a situation in 2 ways: firstly, how they would tell a police officer the situation, and secondly how they would tell their friends. In the first instance, the verbiage was very proper, and in the second it was casual with fillers and broken English. Though I do not always believe in the following statement, I do believe it applies here: The Way You do ANYTHING, is the Way You do EVERYTHING. So from now on, get in the habit of NEVER using filler words, even when talking to your family and friends. Just like an athlete spends more time practising than in the game, most of your conversations are with people you know, and a very small percentage of your life's speaking is on a stage, no matter how much you speak. So watch for filler words like um, ah, and like whenever you speak to ANYONE. Reduce then eliminate them in your daily life, and you will see that transfer to the stage.

S – Stop

When you speak, think of how you write. You add commas, semi-colons and periods in your writing. When you speak, deliberately pause where you would at these punctuation points. Many speakers are so focused on their next thought, they forget to let the last one sink in. Most people are visual learners, which means they form pictures in relation to what you say. Give them time to make those pictures, and to re-live your stories with you, by pausing at your punctuation points.

E – Enjoy Yourself

Finally, enjoy the process of speaking. You've practised, you know your material, and you have a message to share. Once you forget about being perfect and remembering everything that you want to say, you can enjoy your time on stage, SLOW down, and savour the moment. Don't worry about the time or think about getting to your next point. Enjoy the NOW, and just deliver your speech one thought at a time!

At the end of the day, as Speaker Craig Valentine says, don't look for perfection, look for connection!

[Quotation about public speaking] The first sign of greatness

“The first sign of greatness is when a man does not attempt to look and act great. Before you can call yourself a man at all, Kipling assures us, you must "not look too good nor talk too wise.”
― Dale Carnegie,
The Art of Public Speaking

first_sign650

Public speaking, words

The KISS of life for your speeches

This is a guest post from Kwesi Millington.

Kwesi is a public speaking, storytelling & confidence coach, teaching you to speak, share, serve and live with greater confidence. Check out his website at www.CommunicateToCreate.com and do watch his periscopes. He shares some very practical tips on speaking and story.

KISS it!

Try to learn one new word per week. Grow your vocabulary. Explore the richness of the English language...

Just leave the complex words out of your speeches.

Author John Maxwell says it this way...

“As leaders and communicators, our job is to bring clarity to a subject, not complexity. The measure of a great teacher isn't what he or she knows, it's what the students know.”

Speaking is not about YOU. That is the most important piece of information you can ever learn about this art.

It is about your listener. Think about their comprehension level. Many speakers try to impress the audience with what they know.

It's NOT what you know, it is what you DID NOT know and have learned that will impress them. It is in your vulnerability that you will find your victory.

In writing, blogger James Altucher talks about the Flesch-Kincaid score (He wrote about it for Quora). This respected scoring system is applied to writing to determine what grade level you are writing for. For example, a Flesch-Kincaid (FK) score of 10 means that you are writing at a Grade 10 level.

Altucher provided studies of some recent top ranked articles, then he went back and got scores for the classic Hemingway book “The Old Man and the Sea” as well as “Heart of Darkness” by Joseph Conrad, and “Crime and Punishment” by Dostoevsky.

The F-K scores for ALL of these were between 4 and 8. Yes, that means that all of the above, including a Nobel Prize winning author's work, were written at a Grade 4th to 8th level!!

When you speak, SPEAK the same way.

KISS it my friends (Keep It Simple when Speaking).

Martin Luther King said “I have a Dream”.
JFK said “It's not what your country can do for you, it's what you can do for your country.”

Grade schoolers can understand those quotes, and Adults have been moved by them.

Remember this...

Big words touch the Brain, Small words touch the Heart.

Public speaking

The Holy Grail for speakers

So what if we were asked to define the Holy Grail for speakers?

What would you say?

This has me intrigued now.

So the Holy Grail is a feeling?

What is that feeling?

For me, then,

the feeling is natural

not forced,

confident without being egotistical,

though sometimes a performance.

It is uplifting,

a quiet satisfaction sometimes,

sometimes exhilarating.

It is absolute connection,

shared laughs, emotional highs, and sad lows,

sudden understanding

and joy in discovery,

all shared.

That is me, the speaker, but what about the listener,

the audience member,

what does that person see as the Holy Grail of speaking,

of being in an audience?

What does that feel like?

And I, like you, have sat in an audience, just as we have stood or sat or walked as the speaker.

What is that feeling, as an audience?

We wanted to feel that connection

that experience,

those emotions,

the energy,

those shared learnings,

that absolute connection.

Sometimes we wanted to be the only person in that audience, alone in the experience,

at other times we felt kinship with all the others sitting or standing or online beside us.

We wanted to trust,

for the feeling of communication to be natural,

unforced.

We wanted to feel somehow changed by the experience,

more prepared to face our challenges,

validated in our choices already made,

motivated to go ahead,

uplifted, entertained, bemused,

if only for the duration of the presentation.

Is this the holy grail of speaking,

and does it exist,

has it ever existed???????

Public speaking, public speaking tips, speech structure, speeches, Stories

5 Reasons why it might NOT be best to lead with a story

"Always lead with a story".

I wonder who gave him that advice?

It sounds feasible, even powerful.

Stories ARE powerful.

They engage, build credibility, create an emotional tone, set the scene.

And all of those things are what is needed from a speech opening.

But they are not the only options for a speech opening.

You can do something that really GRABS attention, if that is necessary. And you will waste anything that is not aimed at getting attention and holding it ... like saying "hello" or testing the microphone. But between those extremes there are many choices. You can open with a quote, you can use a different language or colloquialism, you can use humour, you can ask a question. You can refer to a person or event that has local interest at the moment you speak.

And you can use story.

But certainly not ONLY story.

Does this audience relate to story? Do they value that emotional connection? Perhaps they are sleepy after lunch. A story, unless it is incredibly punchy, may be too slow.

Has something happened immediately before your speech that MUST be addressed? Avoid that or, indeed, the elephant in the room, and you lose a powerful opportunity to connect and engage.

Is this a regular gig? Perhaps you periscope your tips every few days. If you open with the same signature story every single time and, congratulations!, you have regular followers, they certainly don't want to hear it over and over again. "For Goodness' sake," I mutter, "you promised me 5 tips on this thing, get on with them!!" "And you don't have to sell me on who you are, I KNOW you already!"

Please don't open with a story unless you have it fine-tuned and powerful. You need to know exactly what you are creating with the story, why you are using it, and have removed anything that does not contribute to that outcome. This is especially true if you are trying to establish your credibility. One tiny flaw, one tiny doubt in that story, one weakness and you have me doubting you, wondering about that weakness or doubt and I lose the trust you need me to have and you have to build it up again. Those tips, that content, had better be good!

Make sure, too, that the story does actually serve some sort of purpose. I understand that story creates connections, all on its own. It also creates it own energy, no matter where you use it in the speech. But we, your audience, are creatures with short attention spans, especially if we discovered you as we were flicking through the internet, or are sitting in your audience reading from devices. Tell me a pointless story and you insult me and lose my attention. I return to my browsing. I gave you my time and attention in hope of receiving something of use, or an experience worth attending. Reassure me that that is what I am getting by having the purpose of the story absolutely obvious - at some time soon!!

I say "Thank you" to the man who provoked me to write this article. I like him and I value his content. I was just sad and irritated to see him devaluing himself by taking advice that wasn't suitable to his uses.

"Lead with a story", by all means but not ALWAYS!

......................................................

All Marketers Are Liars: The Power of Telling Authentic Stories in a Low Trust World

The story of a secret – your secret

Standing out in the deluge

“The Story is Everything”

acting, authenticity in public speaking, fear of public speaking, Public speaking, public speaking anxiety, public speaking confidence, public speaking nerves

The speaker struggle between "performing" and being "authentic"

performing_authentic

I am writing this as the world mourns David Bowie.

Something Bowie said reminded me about the dichotomy that we all face, in public speaking, between "performing" and being "authentic."

Many of my clients come to me because they are deterred from speaking by their fear of "performing" this thing called public speaking, fear of not adequately meeting some set of criteria, and of losing their self and their real message in that performance. .

Many of you will know how much of a struggle the dichotomy has been for me. I spent many years entering (and winning my fair share) of public speaking competitions. It is a world unto itself, competitive public speaking, bound by rules, and it involves speaking knowing that one is being judged (a nervous beginner's worst nightmare, and daunting for the old hands as well!).

So for all those years I operated within that world and its rules, doing well, but constantly feeling the weird dislocation of communicating with an audience via a strict set of guidelines.

It has been incredibly liberating to give up the concept of being judged as a performer.

But still the dichotomy remains - authenticity is vital and yet performance has to be factored in. They must still be in balance.

And for me, and for many others like me, there is also the strange "lure" of performance, threatening to pull that balance awry in a different direction.

Two "events" that have crossed my path in the last couple of weeks have really highlighted this "lure" of performance.

The death of David Bowie was one but before that ...

You might also be aware of my interest/obsession (!) with Outlanders, the series of books ... and with the TV series, how it is being made ...

and with the lead actor who is a consummate professional on and off stage.

(The fact that his good looks are highlighted at every opportunity doesn't hurt either, but it's not the main source of my interest.!)

The image below is from an Instagram post. He has had to work out to create the build of the character, Jamie. But he is also very involved in charities and one program he runs is a fitness/goal achievement challenge from which the funds go to one of those charities. In the course of this fundraising he has had to endure photo shoots for a cross-fit magazine, to promote this fundraiser.

When you finish enjoying what he has achieved in terms of the physique, maybe you can read the text ...

and see that possibility - of creating a performance, or a mask, behind which to hide the real you.

Where would you say this lies on the spectrum between authenticity and performing?

The second event, was the demise of David Bowie - a shock to the world. He was an icon of our age. Meant so much to so many people for so many reasons. He strummed our pain. He gave us possibilities outside our squares. He provided sheer entertainment and amazing music. He stimulated our creativity. He gave us solace.

Many of us are now listening to his latest and final recording for the hints he embedded about his attitude to life ... and to death.

Even at the end, he was orchestrating his life. In 1976 he told Playboy "I've now decided that my death should be very precious. I really want to use it. I'd like my death to be as interesting as my life has been and will be."

We are now looking back at the latest album, at the quotations, and connecting the dots back from the death of an icon. And in my efforts to do just that I found this quote which I put into a graphic.

Both of these beautiful, thoughtful, creative professionals, expressing the concept of a separate persona or mask in order to perform or "expose" oneself.

So there it is ...

and while I do see performance as a lure, mindful as I am of lingering memories of old experiences, I also find in it support for my theory that

introverts make the best speakers!

And the dichotomy remains!

After lots of experience and deliberation, and now these two events, I have reached this ...

that the compromise between performance and being yourself comes, I think, down to two things -

being your best self

and playing the game with your audience.

What do you think?

[Quotation about public speaking] Less is more

You may also be interested in these articles

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If you struggle to keep your presentations simple, my Message Clarity process may help.

It's guided brainstorming, with you, in person or via Skype, to pinpoint and define your message and to focus the content so that you create engagement, so that you achieve the outcomes you want from your presentation, and so that you and your message are ... unforgettable. Go here to let me know the details of your presentation and what you want to achieve, and I will let you know how we will go about achieving it. Click here to Get that clarity now!

Public speaking

Go Viral! Use these 8 secrets from viral internet content and go viral yourself – be admired and rehired as a speaker.

What is it that will make you go viral - become admired and rehired as a speaker?

What is it that will have audiences flocking to your presentations where they will engage with you, and change or act or think differently as a result of their experience?

Afterwards, their conversations will be about your presentation; stimulated by the experience, providing positive feedback to you … and to event coordinators!

And if there’s one thing event coordinators love, it’s speakers who come recommended, and with their own fan base.

What makes people tweet your sound bytes? What makes them recommend your presentation and share it? What makes them give that positive feedback?

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel” ~ Maya Angelou

The answer lies in the viral elements you embed in your presentations. These are the elements that create an experience for your audience, make them feel something, involve them. They catch and keep attention. They heighten the impact. They are then held in the memory, and shared later. They are the elements that make internet content go viral and that you can use to build your own reputation.

Here are 8 specific elements that provide those experiences on the internet - making people want to share, and making others want to click and experience for themselves – that you can use in your speaking to make you and your message “go viral”.

1. Tell a story
People are used to watching stories on screens – in the theatre, on television and computer. A piece of content that tells a story, on the internet, then, automatically captures attention and draws an audience in immediately. They follow along with the story, waiting for the entertainment or the learning that they expect from a story. Your audiences, too, have been hardwired by a long history of storytelling to automatically tune in to a story, giving you instant engagement - in the same way. You then have the opportunity to draw them in with you, into the story, its emotional arc and its “moral”. Make it vivid enough, make it work to communicate a point, and you have created that element, that experience, that feeling; a memory to be valued and shared.

2. Appeal to an emotion
May Angelou’s quote says it all. Emotion on its own is a means for content to go viral, and for you to create an element that people will remember from your presentation. It can by funny (think videos of babies laughing) or sad (family loss or cancer’s ravages), moving or stupid, cute (all those Facebook videos of cute animals) strange or gross. Create an emotion to associate with your message and attract “hits” - attention, and “shares” – recommendations.

3. Add a roller-coaster to the emotion …
and you multiply the effect. You may have seen the Dove “sketches” video. It utilises this effect well, as the women, originally challenged and then gradually coming to realise that they are seen as more beautiful than they see themselves. The emotion swells. This is storytelling at its best.

4. Be Positive/Uplifting
While it may seem that we are addicted to negative news and all that is awful, there are many pieces of viral internet content that are successful because they inspire us and show us that, as humans, we can be good, kind, tolerant. The video “Validation” is just one. Inspire your audience and you create an experience that they value, remember and share.

5. Use the unexpected
People love surprise. They love the unexpected. The “Gangnam style” video had an element of the unexpected (along with “humour” and a human element that people could relate to!) And the Pepsi ad “Test Drive” was based around the unexpected. If you can create this element in your presentation you engage your audiences, you add it to your speaker brand and you can make it a powerful viral element.

6. Use a compelling opening
Open with a bang, something that captures attention right from the start, and you have your audience focused on you and your content. You can use something we have already listed – a story, something unexpected, something emotionally evocative. Or use something guaranteed to get attention that the audience shares, such as geographical humour, reference to a local or international celebrity or an event you all shared. But open with a bang and follow up with content that is equally engaging and you have the elements of an experience, a viral speech.

7. Inform your audience. Open their minds
The classic internet example, of course, is the TED talks which show new ways of thinking about their topics. If you can present a unique viewpoint on a subject, a point that creates “lightbulb” experiences, then you can establish yourself as a thought-leader in your niche. People will be drawn to your presentations for the insight you can provide; just as the appellation of ”TED talk” draws internet users time and again to those speakers.

8. No ads
There are so many advertising videos produced now that are produced simply to go viral, and there is very little mention of the product. Evian’s “Baby and me” is a great example, and so is the Dove ad we mentioned before, and the numbers are climbing rapidly. These companies are very aware of the role of the story, the unexpected, and the way it can create such an experience that viewers remember that and then make the connection to the product. We as speakers can relax in this knowledge, especially since no audience wants a “salesy” presentation. Make your “sale” whatever it is, secondary to your great content and you still can be successful.

In the end, what you are providing is a memorable experience for your audience and that experience is heightened by the viral elements you use. Begin with your compelling opening, and then provide an experience that moves people and gives them new ways of thinking about things and you will

• have them engaged and focused on you and your message
• have them remembering, repeating, acting on and sharing you and your message.
• impress event coordinators who see that you come with recommendations, that their delegates are engaged and responding, are being moved to change and are talking about the speaker they chose.

Want success as a speaker? Go viral!

Public speaking

How to become a better speaker

Each difficult moment has the potential to open my eyes and open my heart

We learn from our mistakes.

It's been a hard lesson to learn, but I'm learning.

Mistakes are not failures.

Difficulties are not the end.

A speech that challenges in some way is not a reason to give up speaking.

Every time there is a difficulty, it is not the end but a sign post.

It is an indicator that something needs to be altered to avoid that difficulty next time, and therefore become a better speaker.

Are you nervous, perhaps to the point of not speaking at all? Then look at those nerves and see how they may be changed.

Did you not get the results you hoped for?

Did you have a difficulty with the equipment?

Did you have difficulty with the audience response?

There are a myriad of issues we face when we speak, but each one is a sign post to improvement, a trigger to open our eyes to how we can be better and to open our hearts so that we understand and forgive ourselves and better serve our audiences.

[Note to self - and you if you happen to be in the vicinity] Next time you find me beating myself up over some error/mistake/failure, please will you just remind me of the wonderful improvements that lie ahead for me. Thank you!

audience, humour in public speaking, inspire audiences, pauses in public speaking, powerpoint, Public speaking, public speaking, public speaking impact, videos, voice, voice in public speaking

What to do when you present in a boring, repetitive monotone – follow TED speaker Robert's example

This is a TED Talk by Robert Ballard, deep-sea explorer.

If you can, watch it without listening to the words, just to the pitch of his voice, especially about half way through the talk, at about 7.30.

The majority of his speech is incredibly monotonous.

He gives the impression that he is ashamed of what he is saying, that his audience will find it boring and that it needs to be hurried, get it out of the way as soon as it can be done.

There were times when I thought I would stop watching.

It was that bad!

I didn't stop watching.

Why?

Because ...

he compensated with some fabulous, very successful strategies that had his audience engaged despite the monotony.

What were these strategies and can we use them ourselves?

There were six that I noted, and all of them are powerful - they needed to be!!

1. The message is simple and strong

He has a very simple, well articulated message. Why are we spending so much time and money on space exploration and so little on exploring our oceans? It is repeated. The whole presentation supports it. And the fact that it is regularly stated as a question keeps it hooked into his audience's minds and hearts.

2. He uses the unexpected

Several of his statements stand out for me but there are others. The first that aroused my attention was the one about how everything he learned at school in his field was wrong. The second was about the map. Normally when we see a blank space on a map we assume it is just an area of similar topography. A space like that on a map of the sea is blank because it is not mapped. Life under the sea exists in ways no life should. Water is upside down. Volcanoes work in ways volcanoes shouldn't. He sets his audience up and hits them regularly with the unexpected and each point made that way hits strongly.

3. He uses images.

There are 57 image slides in this presentation with no words. There is no conflict in his audience's minds between spoken and written words. The images reinforce what he is saying and his audience is more likely to remember a point made and supported by an image than one that is only made verbally. I can still see in my mind's eye the little girl with her mouth open in amazement.

4. Humour

He's not exactly a humorous speaker, nor a comedian, but he uses subtle humour, and again often the unexpected. There is self effacing humour, and his use of the name Easter Bunny, the statement "I would not let an adult drive a robot. He doesn't have the gaming experience." just three examples. And the audience laughs. But they laugh and they are acknowledging the humour but they are also being drawn to the point he is making at the time. The humour simply highlights it.

5. Clever use of Pause

Robert uses pause to highlight a particular point and his uses it powerfully, interspersing it between questions and single words.

He also uses pause as an antidote to a long session of fast-paced narrative. And that is powerful too.

6. Repetition

He repeated the main message. He repeated his main points. He repeated his humorous "Easter Bunny" statement. And it wasn't saying the same thing over again. It was calling back to it, later in the speech. It's a powerful technique, puts the segment just completed, monotonous though it may be, into perspective and creates support for the point he is making, or the idea he has introduced.

7. Passion

This man believes in what he is doing.

He is excited by it.

He is passionate about the possibilities it offers and about creating excitement in his audience and in the world, about his project.

And it shows, when he allows it, in his use of pause, in his enthusiasm, and in his energy.

These are not rhetorical devices he just inserted into his speech. They are the result of his enthusiasm and dedication and excitement.

He left the best for last when he talked about being able to ignite that same enthusiasm and excitement in middle-schoolers, when he talked about "creating the classroom of the future" and how you "win or lose a scientist by 8th grade".

This is what we want. This is a young lady not watching a football game, not watching a basketball game. She's watching exploration thousands of miles away and it's just dawning on her what she is seeing. And when you get a jaw dropping, you can inform, you can put so much information into that mind ...

And he had a standing ovation.

Monotonous, maybe, boring no!