Tag Archive for: personal growth

The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday morning. Perhaps it's the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it's the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable.

A few weeks ago, I was shuffling toward the garage with a steaming cup of coffee in one hand and the morning paper in the other. What began as a typical Saturday morning turned into one of those lessons that life seems to hand you from time to time. Let me tell you about it:

I turned the dial up into the phone portion of the band on my ham radio in order to listen to a Saturday morning swap net. Along the way, I came across an older sounding chap, with a tremendous signal and a golden voice. You know the kind; he sounded like he should be in the broadcasting business. He was telling whomever he was talking with something about "a thousand marbles." I was intrigued and stopped to listen to what he had to say.

"Well, Tom, it sure sounds like you're busy with your job. I'm sure they pay you well but it's a shame you have to be away from home and your family so much. Hard to believe a young fellow should have to work sixty or seventy hours a week to make ends meet. It's too bad you missed your daughter's dance recital," he continued; "Let me tell you something that has helped me keep my own priorities." And that's when he began to explain his theory of a "thousand marbles."

"You see, I sat down one day and did a little arithmetic. The average person lives about seventy-five years. I know, some live more and some live less, but on average, folks live about seventy-five years.

Now then, I multiplied 75 times 52 and I came up with 3,900, which is the number of Saturdays that the average person has in their entire lifetime. Now, stick with me, Tom, I'm getting to the important part.




It took me until I was fifty-five years old to think about all this in any detail," he went on, "and by that time I had lived through over twenty-eight hundred Saturdays. I got to thinking that if I lived to be seventy-five, I only had about a thousand of them left to enjoy. So I went to a toy store and bought every single marble they had. I ended up having to visit three toy stores to round up 1,000 marbles. I took them home and put them inside a large, clear plastic container right here in the shack next to my gear.

Every Saturday since then, I have taken one marble out and thrown it away. I found that by watching the marbles diminish, I focused more on the really important things in life.

 

There's nothing like watching your time here on this earth run out to help get your priorities straight.

Now let me tell you one last thing before I sign off with you and take my lovely wife out for breakfast. This morning, I took the very last marble out of the container. I figure that if I make it until next Saturday then I have been given a little extra time. And the one thing we can all use is a little more time.
It was nice to meet you Tom. I hope you spend more time with your family, and I hope to meet you again here on the band. This is a 75 year old man, K9NZQ, clear and going QRT, good morning!"





You could have heard a pin drop on the band when this fellow signed off. I guess he gave us all a lot to think about. I had planned to work on the antenna that morning, and then I was going to meet up with a few hams to work on the next club newsletter.

Instead, I went upstairs and woke my wife up with a kiss. "C'mon honey, I'm taking you and the kids to breakfast."

"What brought this on?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh, nothing special, it's just been a long time since we spent a Saturday together with the kids. And hey, can we stop at a toy store while we're out? I need to buy some marbles."

 

What I love about stories is that they can speak to our soul. This is only one of many great stories in my book, Charging the Human Battery...50 Ways to Motivate Yourself.   Sometimes, our greatest challenge is getting inside our own heads to determine...what makes us tick? That's what this book is all about!

If I had a dollar for every time someone said to me “I can’t believe you could do that”, I’d be standing on a pile of money.

 

I can’t believe you can stand in front of an audience and not get nervous, I can’t believe you can feel that comfortable about cold calling business, I can’t believe you can ride that zip line, I can’t believe can walk into that room full of executives and not be intimidated, I can’t believe you can return to study at your age, I can’t believe you can travel overseas by yourself…and on it goes. What I’ve found most interesting about these comments is that to me, none of these actions are really a big deal.       Nor are they for some others either I know, but after hearing comments like this enough times, I have realised that acting without fear isn’t easy for a lot of people.

 

After consideration, I realised that the confidence I have to take on activities that many people find frightening, has been developed and nurtured.  And anyone can do the same. I realised rather than talking myself out of doing something and finding reasons, why not, why I can’t, I now automatically start to think how can I…what do I need to do to make that work?  Now, fortunately most things come easy, but it has taken work to get to a place where I feel confident in just about any situation.

 

When Franklin D Roosevelt famously quipped “We have nothing to fear but fear itself”, he was on the money.

 

What enables a person act without fear in a situation?  I believe there are three behaviours that must become intrinsic to shift a mindset from fearful to confident.

 

Number One:    Take a Risk

 

Next time you have an opportunity to do something that scares you, just say yes instead of over thinking reasons why you can’t.  Evoke Neales Donald Walsh quote “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone” to inspire you to take risks to delight in all life offers.

 

Number Two:    Learn a Skill

 

Continually learning new skills means you open yourself to new ideas.  Every time you do something you haven’t done before, you allow yourself to expand your experience and shift your perspective.  Consider what new activity/skill you have always wanted to accomplish and begin.

 

Three:  Become Proficient

 

It makes sense doesn’t it?   If you can do something well, you will be confident doing it.  If you want to have the confidence to speak from stage then you need to not only obtain the skills, you also have to practice, practice and practice some more.  To speak well and with confidence on a subject you need to be well rehearsed.  Every time you stand in front of an audience you will be less nervous until you will eventually feel confident to enough you can address any problem that might arise.  The same goes for any fear you want to overcome.

When you live without fear, your stress levels are reduced all the “good hormones” work effectively in your body and can cope with real problems more effectively.

Principal Trainer and Director of Shifting Visions, Janeen Vosper, typically works with Sales Teams, Small Business Owners and Entrepreneurs to overcome their fear of selling and cure cold calling reluctance. She assists people to identify and crush hidden fears that block their potential as presenters to learn how to make speeches with ease and confidence…and also offers easy techniques to conquer Fear of Failure that affects many components of life.  You can view Janeen's profile here  =>  http://bit.ly/16p0UH9

You've never seen a movie like ONE before.

ONE takes you on the back of a bumblebee looking for what he believes is 'the magic flower'.

The insects he meets along the way give the bumblebee (and us) the most profound insights on life.

And those insights deepen as you meet real people actually applying what the bumblebee has learned.

ONE is a magical movie and a beautiful gift to us all.

 

Imagine someone asking you "How many hours a week do you spend working?" or "What do you do?" you are likely to answer something like, "I am a full-time student and I work part-time at a department store," or "I am a full-time mom of three boys," or I am a professor," or "I am a computer analyst", etc. Your answer describes the daily routine of what you do for a living, which is a job that gives you income, a social identity, a certain professional status and, sometimes, public recognition. However rewarding, very often a job includes duties, tasks and requirements that we are obliged to perform, whether we like them or not. Our freedom to do only what we like in our job is almost always limited. This is a main reason why so many people suffer from job-related dissatisfaction and see their work as the necessary evil they must endure in exchange for a monthly paycheck.

Now, imagine someone asking you "How many hours a week do you spend creating something that gives you joy?" or "Do you have a creative habit that helps you handle stress?" Think of your answer: you may take a little longer to give a reply and, when you do, you may say something like: "Hmm, you know, I'd like to be creative but, truth is, I'm too tired", or "Well, I'd love to have some time for creativity, but I'm too busy with other things," or "It would be awesome to have a creative habit but that's a luxury for the rich and I have bills to pay" or "Me, creative? But I'm not an artist, I am an office manager!"

If your answer to the question about creativity resembles any of the answers above, it is high time you changed your attitude toward your ability to be creative. In this chapter, you will be introduced to a number of mythic characters and real people who consider creativity not as a luxury, but their birthright. The truth is that we are all born with the ability to be creative, just as we are born with the ability to think, dream and imagine. But, while some of us continue to honor creativity throughout our lives and enjoy the benefits of a creative habit, many others betray our creativity as we seek joy in habits that are not only non-creative but, oftentimes, self-destructive.

The prices we pay when we stifle our right to be creative are as high as those we pay when we stifle our dreams. In my practice as a psychotherapist and coach, the majority of clients complaining about feelings of depression, insomnia, panic attacks, low self-esteem, or sense of meaninglessness are the ones who ignore their dreams and their own creative impulses. Over the years, I have helped a number of people reconnect with their natural ability to create, watching them enjoy the benefits of their creativity: a recovered self-confidence, an improved ability to handle life's daily stress, freedom from depression, and a sense of fulfillment that no medical treatment alone can ever catalyze.
As you are working through the fourth phase of this method, it is essential that you experience the joy of developing and maintaining creative habits. Reconnecting with your creativity will allow you to be spontaneous and daring as you suspend judgment about the outcomes of your creative efforts. Your benefits from becoming creative will be a sense of sustained pleasure, inner freedom and independence from other people's approval. The more you allow yourself to be creative, the more self-confident you will be and the better you will like yourself.

CREATIVITY 101

"To create" means "to cause to exist"; "to bring into being something that has never existed before". Everything created is first imagined. Therefore, creativity is the human activity in which we use constructively our imagination by giving material form to our creative ideas. I In this context, a creative person is not only prolific in ideas but also active in materializing creative ideas in the real world. This creative input enriches not only the individual life of the creator, but also the world at large.

Creative people are not necessarily professional artists. They come from all walks of life and their creativity applies to all aspects of our civilization: they may be scientists discovering the hidden laws of the universe or new cures for terminal diseases; business people creating breakthrough opportunities in national economies; lawyers excelling in their field thanks to their creative problem-solving ideas; visionary politicians leading nations to freedom and prosperity; teachers creating innovative methods for the classroom; farmers creating breakthrough methods of farming or breeding; cooks creating culinary masterpieces or revolutionary cooking methods; administrators guiding organizations into success through creative leadership; police detectives solving mysteries and incarcerating criminals thanks to creative thinking. Age, level of education and socio-economic status do not matter: a creative person can be a child, an adolescent, an adult, or a senior. He or she can be single or married, divorced or widowed, childless or with children. Individual differences may be unlimited. But there are three characteristics, listed below, that all creative people share in common, which you must also develop as you work with this method:




a. Creative People Honor their Creative Impulses

Creative people know the relationship between creativity and productivity, and they are careful to keep them in balance. They nurture their creative needs by taking the necessary time and space to access imagination and stimulate creative thinking. And they bring their creative ideas into fruition by being productive. They also honor their creativity by protecting and nurturing their ideas and by following a discipline that involves hard work, concentration, isolation, unusual decisions, sacrifices, dedication to the creative purpose, and trust in their inner voice. Nevertheless, in spite of the demands of the creative process, staying loyal to their creative pursuit is never a burden for creative people. The joy from seeing their completed creation is so pure, that it redeems all the strenuous efforts exerted during the process.

Examples of movie characters portraying creative individuals abound. Some of them are introduced in this chapter. I encourage you to see the respective films and notice how different those characters are, yet how similar in the way they honor their creative impulses. These characters represent simple people yearning for the joy of creating, much as we all do. As you watch the films, let them inspire you to reconnect with your own creativity and feel the joy that you see them experience in the films.
Working Girl, is the story of a young woman's determination to bring her creative ideas into fruition, having to protect them from being appropriated by her boss. Tess McGill, the main character, is a thirty-year old administrative assistant who lives in Staten Island and commutes every day to her work in the Manhattan financial district. On the ferry, she reads and, in the evenings, she takes classes. Tess wants to become something more than a secretary. She is bright, talented, informed, and, most importantly, she has creative ideas about mergers and acquisitions that she presents to her new boss, Katharine Parker, hoping to be appreciated and offered a better position in the company. But Katharine has different intentions: when Tess offers her a brilliant idea that will save a large company from a foreign takeover, Katharine steals it and presents it to her clients as her own, advising Tess to not mention it anywhere else.

It is not too long before Tess finds out that her creativity is being exploited. She vows to protect her idea and use all means available to make it happen, even if this means that she will pretend to be Katharine. While Katharine is away recovering from a skiing accident, Tess assumes Katharine's identity and follows through with her plan, fighting to see her idea become reality until the very end, even after her true identity is discovered and she is exposed as an imposter. But, thanks to her persistence and willingness to take risks for her own creative idea, Tess does not give up. Exposing Katharine minutes before she signs the deal with the clients, she proves that the idea was originally hers, and wins. When Oven Trask, the client, asks Tess why she had to do this and risk her reputation, her answer is:

"You can bend the rules plenty once you get to the top, but not while you're trying to get there. And if you're someone like me, you can't get there without bending the rules."

Oven, admiring her courage to fight for her idea, responds:

"You've got a real fire in your belly, Ms. McGill.

Tess's answer to this complement only means that fighting to protect one's creativity is never easy:

" I'm not quite sure what you mean, sir. I've got something in my belly, but I think it's nervous knots."

Tess McGill is not an artist. Her creativity is not expressed through poetry, writing, or painting, but through brilliant ideas creating multi-million dollar breakthroughs in the financial world. But, just as an artist who fights to protect her work from being appropriated, she fights to have her idea recognized as being her own. She is diligent, thorough, brave, and she loves what she does. She does not rest until she sees it take form in reality. And, considering her limited means, she thinks and acts creatively throughout her ordeal against all odds, until the truth surfaces and she fulfills her dream.

Another tribute to creative people is the epic Titanic, which is filled with characters honoring their creativity till their last moments, even as they are drowning with the "unsinkable ship" into the abysmal depths of the North Atlantic. The story is told eighty four years later through flash backs by Rose de Witt, a survivor, as she is sitting in her pottery studio. Rose is a hundred and one years old and she is still creating pottery. Surrounded by her works, she recalls her fateful travel and introduces Jack Dawson, a young artist and the love of her life, who died during the tragic voyage. She spent only hours with him, but their love became immortal.




As she recalls their moments together, Rose brings us eighty-four years back to "the most erotic moment of her life", that she lets us witness it: hours before his death, Jack is drawing a nude of her wearing only a necklace with a big, blue diamond. The beauty of a seventeen-year old Rose in love is immortalized in the drawing, seen through the eyes of the artist. "I couldn't stop shaking" old Rose confesses, alluding to the erotic intensity of the experience that stayed with her forever. Jack's art captured a lifetime of love that survived his death. For Rose, his art did not only create her drawing; it created Jack's immortality.

As Rose remembers, we live with her the tragic scenes that unfold as the ship is about to sink. We are shown five musicians of the ship's orchestra completing their last piece of music. We watch the unknown musicians bid their last farewell and walk away; except for the violinist, who stays in the same place and starts playing solo. As the other orchestra members hear him play, they stop, return and join him in the piece. Amidst a crowd of screaming passengers running in vain to save their lives, these musicians peacefully accept their imminent death and choose to celebrate life with their music, until the dark ocean swallows them playing their last note. Defying death by remaining creative till one's last breath is one of the most powerful messages in this epic, which is also a tribute to inner freedom, immortal love, and the inexorable right to honor one's truth.

b. Creative People Regard Creating as Healing

Creative people are healers. They create to bring wholeness to the inevitable wounds inflicted by life. Their creative output is their answer to aggression, deprivation, unfairness and injustice that, unfortunately, abound in reality. Through creating, they contribute toward increasing beauty, harmony and love, without which life cannot exist. Creativity is their only weapon against the afflictions of depression, boredom or loneliness and the source of strength, courage and hope. Creative people do not allow the burdens of life to discourage them. They create in spite of the daily pressures and dramas to conquer pain, fear, poverty, illness and, even death.

"When I dance, something happens and I sort of disappear" says Billy Elliot during his interview with the Committee of the Royal Ballet Academy. "It's hard at the beginning, but then something happens and I start flying. I feel free. I disappear into the air like a bird, like electricity. Yeah, like electricity..."

Billy calls "electricity" the divine light that sparks in him when he is immersed in the creative process, enlightening his existence and the world around him. Through dancing, his essence becomes one with The Creator as he, little Billy, disappears. The joy of dancing heals his grief for his diseased mom, his worry for his ill Grandma, his sadness for being mistreated by his brother, and his sorrow for being rejected by his father. Billy's wholeness is in his dance. That is when his daily life becomes secondary and he feels truly alive.

There is no process livelier than the creative process. Its essence is the very stuff of Life, which is Nature's will to push beyond limitations in order to accomplish Creation. And, once the creation is accomplished, there is no joy deeper for the creator than the joy of sharing it with the world. A modern myth describing how the creative process brings wholeness not only the creative agent but also to those who commune with the creative outcome is Babette's Feast.

Based on a short story by Isan Dinesen, Babette's Feast is set in remote Frederikshavn, a small Lutheran community on the Jutland peninsula in Denmark, in the second half of the nineteenth century. The villagers are fundamentalists adhering to a rigid puritanical dogma. Their life is dedicated to religious observance, reciting of the scripture, material poverty, and avoidance of all temptations of spirit and body. Their Spartan homes and churches are devoid of embellishments or furniture that might provide the slightest comfort. Their manners are restrained; wordy interactions are restricted as silence is enforced to maintain the spiritual tone of relationships; indulging in simple pleasures such as food or other, more complex, physical desires is simply unfathomable. For this community, joy is a sin.

One day, a French woman arrives at the village, offering her services as a maid to Martina and Philippa, the two unmarried daughters of Pouel Kern, the diseased spiritual leader and founder of this community. During his life, father Kern managed to forbid his daughters to have any relationship with the outside world, forcing them to abandon all prospects of marriage or career. Due to his intervention, Martina's ended her love for a young officer wanting to marry her, while Philippa ended on her own accord her friendship with a Parisian opera singer, afraid of the joy she experienced during their singing lessons. Years later, the same opera singer sends Babette to their home, who agrees to be their servant and work without wages. For fourteen years she does so, following diligently the community's rules, cooking simple meals, observing the silence, and helping the two sisters with their community service.

No one knows that Babette has been a gourmet chef in "Café Anglais," a famous French restaurant, until, one day, she asks the two sisters if she can prepare a lavish French dinner for the entire village, to celebrate their father's 100th birthday. Babette offers to pay for the entire feast, with the money she won in the Paris lottery. The sisters hesitate but finally agree, on the condition that the guests observe the vow of silence throughout the meal, so as not to indulge in pleasure. Babette orders the food from France and sets out to prepare the feast. Soon the ingredients arrive: live turtles for soup, game and meats for the main courses, a wheelbarrow full of offal, bottles of champagne and fine wine, and trunks with fine china, silver, crystal glasses, lace linen, and fancy candles. For days Babette works at the kitchen, creating a feast of love, a true art masterpiece that will forever change the life of the community.

As the evening of the feast arrives, the villagers congregate around a table where they taste caviar with mussels in vodka sauce, turtle soup, quail filled with foie gras and truffles, fine meats, expensive cheeses and exquisite deserts. As they raise their glasses to drink Veuve Clicquot, superb champagne, they cannot help it: moved by the spirit of the food and enveloped in the delight of its taste, they break the vow of silence and begin interacting. For the first time they realize that spiritual prosperity can be enjoyed through material abundance. As the joy of tasting Babette's food is lifting everyone off the ground into higher spheres, the retired General, Marina's discouraged suitor from the past, suddenly raises a glass to declare that nothing is impossible. Babette's abundance has brought to everyone joy beyond words, empowering their spirit with the hope that no opportunity in life is truly missed, as long as one wants to achieve a dream wholeheartedly. Her feast, creating such spiritual and emotional abundance for that deprived community also proved that the one who creates is never poor.

While the villagers delight in the majesty of the senses, Babette, alone in the kitchen, delights in the fulfillment of her dream: her culinary art has healed an entire village, banishing everyone's fear of joy. Looking at us, she reaches out with a plea that speaks for the desire of all creative people to create wholeness:

"From across the world there goes one long cry from the heart of the artist: Give me leave to do my utmost."

c. Creative People Pursue their Projects to Completion

Out of the creative projects you have begun over the years, how many have you actually finished? Remember, "to create" means "to bring something into full existence". If your creative projects are begun ideas that have never found completion, they do not count as creative endeavors. Sorry, but these are only abandoned efforts patiently awaiting your honest attention.
We all have "abandoned efforts" hiding somewhere at home, in our drawers, in our computer's hard drive, even in our mind: a screenplay that is twenty-five pages before completion; an incomplete needlecraft, quilt or knitting project; a bookcase we built in the garage but never varnished or placed in our son's bedroom; an antique car that we have been rebuilding for the last ten years; a foreign language that we never learned to speak fluently; a dance that we never learned to dance without stepping on our partner or causing public embarrassment; a recipe for the special cookware we purchased but never unpackaged; an idea to expand our business that we never pursued beyond writing it in our notepad; and so on.

What causes us to abandon our creative projects and betray the joy of creating? A usual explanation is that we stop the creative process because we give into "fear of criticism" or "fear of failure". This is only partially true considering that, in reality, we engage in many self-destructive endeavors, ignoring criticism and inviting failure in our health, finances, as well as personal and professional life: we indulge in junk food knowing that our cholesterol count will go up; we watch countless hours of television, neglecting to communicate with friends, family, and loved ones; we spend money compulsively, knowing that we are damaging our credit; we cut corners at work, knowing that we will eventually be discovered and called accountable; and so on. The truth is that the reason for abandoning creative projects is not our fear of criticism but our fear of commitment to a challenging process, period. It is in our nature to abandon a creative habit when arising difficulties cause discomfort and to indulge in destructive habits just because they are easy and immediately gratifying.

One of the most deceptive beliefs about the creative process is that it is a constant source of joy, freedom and success. Nothing could be farther from the truth: the creative process is as challenging as any other endeavor and it requires heartfelt commitment from the beginning to the end. Every creative project presents challenges, obstacles, difficulties and problems that suspend pleasure until we resolve them. This is why the joy of creativity is ten percent in starting a project, zero percent in persevering through its challenges, and ninety percent in accomplishing it. But, once the creation is completed, the experience of the creator from sharing it with the world is filled with pure delight. In western religious teachings, the Creator's profound, restful enjoyment from having completed the universe is described as the Seventh Day of Creation. Creative people seek this joy and, therefore, do not abandon their efforts as unwanted children; instead, they treat their creative projects as children needing to be parented until they become self-sufficient through consistent love and dedication despite challenges and rough spots.

An example of creative person who accomplished her project with amazing determination, overcoming criticism and personal attacks of national proportions, is Maya Lin. Her story is the theme of the documentary A Strong, Clear Vision, a tribute to her creative work with a special focus on her remarkable achievement, the Vietnam Memorial Wall. In 1981, as a 21-year-old senior architecture major at Yale, Maya Lin won first prize in the contest to design the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in the northwest corner of the Mall in Washington D.C. She had proposed a simple, graceful, and abstract design of two 247-foot-long walls of polished black granite, set below grade and connected at a 125-degree angle, on which the names of all the more than 58,000 American dead and missing from the war would be carved in letters a little over half an inch high and arranged chronologically, according to the year of death or disappearance.

Lin's winning design did not enjoy the public acceptance one would have expected. As soon as it was publicized, it triggered the bitter criticism of a small but powerful group of Vietnam veterans about its color, proposed placement below ground level, and lack of heroic quality. The design was characterized a "black ditch" or "black gash of shame." A few conservative politicians supported the opposition until a compromise was reached. Following a number of highly publicized meetings, in which Maya Lin was personally attacked and repeatedly forced to defend her project, it was finally agreed to add to the monument an American flag on a 60-foot pole and a group of three realistically-modeled, seven-foot bronze figures of Vietnam-era American soldiers by another artist. Fortunately, these additions were placed far enough away from the wall so that its artistic integrity was not seriously affected.




Maya Lin withstood unfair, chauvinistic and, occasionally, racist attacks with admirable strength and inner composure. She never compromised the integrity of her vision or negotiated the principles of her conception: the Memorial Wall was a healing monument, offering visitors an intimate and contemplative experience as it allowed them to experience the deep sense of loss it conveyed. Lin's perseverance resulted in the phenomenal success of her project, once it was completed. The monument was dedicated and officially opened to the public on November 11, 1982, Veteran's Day. Since that day, more than ten thousand people per day visit the Wall; amongst them are Vietnam veterans, families of the fallen, and the public at large who experience profound healing as the names of the dead or missing, which seem to float on a transparent black plane, exert their power evoking strong emotion. Additionally, as the visitors can see their own face dimly reflected on the polished black granite, they are invited to enter a dimension in which life and death are two facets of one continuous experience. The monument, in silence, speaks to each visitor in a very personal yet universal way about life and death, grief and loss, and embracing what one cannot change.

Another remarkable woman who left a legacy of overcoming difficulties in order to bring a creative project to completion is Roberta Guaspari, the heroine of Music of the Heart. Based on the Roberta's real life, the film tells the story of a schoolteacher's struggle to teach violin to underprivileged children in East Harlem. After her devastating divorce, Roberta finds herself with two children and in need of work. A music teacher facing few opportunities for work, she becomes aware of an opening at an East Harlem public school. After convincing the school principal about the value of teaching music in her school, she is hired. Roberta begins her work in a problem-ridden environment, filled with burned-out, underpaid teachers, accustomed to expect very little of themselves and the school system. In addition the children, most from troubled families, have little support at home for academic achievement let alone learning the violin.

Roberta begins working with the zeal and stubbornness of a neophyte, as the children challenge her authority and question the value of her work. But she does not get intimidated. Showing determination, amazing inner strength and genuine interest in the children, she eventually wins their trust and connects them to the violin. As her students learn to play, their improving self-confidence has a positive influence on other aspects of their lives. Their parents, formerly skeptical about Roberta's function in their school, notice their children blossom and begin to respect and admire Roberta. She has earned everyone's trust.
For ten years Roberta's program flourishes, earning great reputation in the City until, in 1991, the school board seizes the funding. Roberta will not allow this to happen. Determined to give the biggest fight of her life, she summons the help of the parents, a journalist, and a number of the world's best violinists, and organizes an amazing concert at Carnegie Hall to raise funds and save her program. The concert, in which she and her students share the stage with artists such as Isaac Stern, Arnold Steinhardt, Itzhac Perlman, and Sandra Park, is a phenomenal success and raises funds that ensure the survival of her program for several more years.

Roberta Guaspari is a living legend. An Italian-American woman who made Harlem her home, she had been playing the violin since nine years of age. Music gave her peace, sanity, and inner strength when her divorce shattered her life. She brought her gift to inner-city schools and shared it generously with the children, empowering them to honor their creativity and always pursue their dreams.

THE CHARACTERISTICS OF A CREATIVE HABIT

In the next section you will be encouraged to develop a creative habit following recommended activities and exercises. As you discover and nurture your own creative habit, keep in mind its main characteristics. A creative habit:

1. Gives you energy.

2. Holds your interest.

3. Gives you the freedom to make mistakes and see them as learning experiences.

4. Challenges your thoughts, stretches your imagination, and generates new discoveries and problem-solving ideas.

5. Increases your self-confidence and self- acceptance.

REEL FULFILLMENT IN ACTION

A. MOVIE TIME! WATCH A MOVIE FOR FUN, LEARN A LESSON FOR LIFE

The following films portray different characters with one thing in common: their lives are determined by their willingness to be creative. Choose a film and watch it alone or with your groups. Answer the questions at the end of the list in writing and discuss your answers with your group. Repeat the same with more films of the list, as your time permits:

A Chef in Love (1997); directed by Nana Dzhordzhadze

Amadeus (1984); directed by Milos Forman

Artemisia (1997); directed by Agnes Merlet

Babette's Feast (1987); directed by Gabriel Axel

Big Night (1996); directed by Campbell Scott and Stanley Tucci

Billy Elliot (2000); directed by Stephen Daldry

Camille Claudel (1988); directed by Bruno Nuytten

Chocolat (2000); directed by Lasse Hallström

Finding Neverland (2004); directed by Marc Forster

Frida (1988); directed by Paul Leduc

Frida (2002); directed by Julie Taymor

Immortal Beloved (1994); directed by Bernard Rose

Like Water for Chocolate (1992); directed by Alfonso Arau

Maya Lin: A Strong, Clear Vision (1994); directed by Freida Lee Mock

Music of the Heart (1999); directed by Wes Craven

Pleasantville (1998); directed by Garry Ross

Pollock (2000); directed by Ed Harris

Shall We Dansu? (1996); directed by Masayuki Suo

Shall We Dance? (2004); directed by Peter Chelsom

Surviving Picasso (1996); directed by James Ivory

The Agony and The Ecstasy (1954); directed by Carol Reed

The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (1947); directed by Joseph L. Mankiewicz

Titanic (1997); directed by James Cameron

Working Girl (1988); directed by Mike Nichols

Questions to Answer:

1. What role does creativity play in the life of the main character of the story?

2. How does the environment respond to the main character's creativity?

3. What other forces in the life of the character do oppose his/her creativity?

4. Notice that these forces may be not only external, but also internal.

5. How does the character stand up for his/her need to stay creative? How does he/she defend his/her creativity? List his/her actions and evaluate them.

6. How does the story reach you and what lessons did you learn about your own creativity?

7. What are you prepared to do to be more creative?

B. PRACTICE CREATIVITY: EXERCISES FOR YOU

1. Developing a Creative Habit

1. Think of something you have long wanted to do or something you used to like doing as a child but later abandoned because you got on with life obligations. It must be something that used to give you pleasure.

2. Set time aside and begin the process of developing a creative habit. At the beginning you may feel awkward, as though you were out on a first date. Do not give up; in time, awkwardness will dissipate and will be replaced by delight.

3. From time to time, check your progress of becoming creative by running through the five characteristics of the creative habit described above. Remember: you will know that you are becoming creative because you will feel inner joy and trust in your ability to resolve problems in unusual, new, surprisingly intelligent ways!

2. How Much Do You Avoid Being Creative? A Check-in

1. Use a daily schedule to count the number of hours you spend watching television in a week.

2. Also, count the hours you spend every day surfing the web, chatting on the internet, or reading and writing e-mails.

3. Promise yourself to spend half of this time on television and the internet and the other half doing something creative. Challenge yourself.

3. Dare to Be Creative: Some Ideas

1. Do something you have wanted to do by have been postponing for a long time. E.g.: learn how to cook, work on your car, decorate a room in your house, develop a business idea, learn how to dance, begin a collection, learn how to make jewelry, learn a foreign language. Follow your desire and listen to your heart.

2. Make it your habit to do something constructive or creative when you are in the grips of an unhelpful emotion, such as anger or sadness. Keep a log of your activities and progress. You will be amazed with the results in your life, in a very short time. (Hint: Watch Billy Elliot dance his anger off in the film listed above.)

3. Join a group or a class and learn to do something with your hands (e.g.: pottery, gardening, baking, making jewelry, welding, making furniture, knitting, etc.) Engage your body in the creative process, especially if you spend hours in an office.

4. If you like music, join a choir or learn an instrument. Organize music nights at your home. (A client of mine organized 'opera nights' in her home; her guests dressed up as famous opera characters and each performed their favorite aria. Then, they had champagne and a lavish, home-cooked dinner.)

5. Finish a project that you began and abandoned some time ago. When you finish it, have a party to celebrate your completed creation.

6. There are hundreds of books and video-tapes on craft-making. Borrow a few from your public library and read through them. Find a craft or activity that interests you and emerge yourself in it. Allow yourself to have fun in the process.

7. For Christmas, a birthday, or for a special a holiday, make your gifts for your family, friends or loved ones, instead of buying them: they can be hand-made cards, home-made cakes, a craft, a knitted sweater, a carved toy, a framed sketch, a collage, anything that excites your fantasy and gives you pleasure to create. Invite your family to do the same. Hand-made gifts are special and very meaningful not only for those who receive them but also for those who make them. They are less likely to be thrown or put away, and gain value as time goes by.

8. Take a cooking class or create your "Party of Chefs", in which you invite friends to participate in a collaboratively cooked dinner. Rent a cooking video, open your recipe books, and have a lot of fun creating in the kitchen!

9. Interview three people that you consider creative in any domain. Ask them about their creative habits and their relationship to their creativity. Ask them about the gifts they received from their creative habits. Ask for advice of how to develop and maintain a creative habit.

10. Write the names of three people who drain your creative energy due to their actions, words, or attitudes. Resolve to limit your contact with them to the minimum, and use your time to develop a creative habit.

11. List three activities that drain your creative energy or consume your time from having a creative habit. Resolve to stop engaging in those activities immediately and save your creative energy.

C. THINGS TO REMEMBER

● Creativity needs practice to grow into a habit.

● When are creative you feel free. When you feel free you have an open mind that allows others the freedom of being creative. This makes you attractive and, very often, irresistible.

● Creativity and Joy are twins.

Maria Grace, Ph.D., is an expert at teaching people how to learn lessons from popular movies to find the job, home, relationship, and healthy body and mind they want. She is a Fulbright scholar, licensed psychotherapist, sought-after public speaker and coach, and the author of “Reel Fulfillment: A 12-Step Plan for Transforming Your Life through Movies” (McGraw-Hill, 2005). “Reel Fulfillment” was praised by Publisher’s Weekly as one of the top “self help books out of the self-help box” for 2005-2006.

For more information visit http://www.mariagrace.com and [http://www.reelfulfillment.com]

There likely will be setbacks and occasional self-doubts on the road to maximizing your charisma. You're going to need patience and persistence. But it's important to keep moving toward your goal.

I'm reminded of a friend who had a life-changing experience in a cross-country ski race in Minnesota. He had moved there not long before. In an enthusiastic, if not realistic, effort to adapt to the local culture, he bought some skis, practiced a bit, and entered an advanced competition. He took off like a flash at the sound of the starter's gun. But after the first quarter-mile in near-zero temperatures, he knew he was in over his head, hopelessly outclassed by other competitors swiftly gliding past him. He was soon alone in a frozen wilderness, and his thoughts turned gloomily to fatigue and defeat.

He had initially hoped to finish in a couple of hours. But as the cold seared his lungs and the exertion weakened his arms and legs, he all but gave up on his goal. If there had been a way to surrender, he would have. But being in deep snow in the middle of the woods, his only way out was to ski out. So he pushed aside the pain and pessimism, and kept skiing.

He imagined a lodge with a roaring fire that might be just around the bend-but wasn't. He imagined a rescue vehicle slicing through the drifts to pick him up-which didn't. He even imagined a helicopter dropping down to whisk him away-but, of course, that never materialized.

So on and on he skied until, at last, he came to a sign: FINISH LINE, 1/4 MILE. He couldn't believe it! Energized, he sprinted that last quarter mile and finished in a time not far from his original goal.

My friend often repeats that story, the winds more frigid and his muscles more aching with each retelling. It's become a part of his self-identity, and the memory of his endurance and ultimate triumph has gotten him through other of life's difficult scrapes and struggles. The moral, as he sees it, is that if you keep slogging ahead, refuse to give up, and stay as positive as you possibly can, you'll accomplish your goal, or something very close to it.

I could hardly argue with that. So even if you have trouble imagining success, keep moving along that snowy path in the woods. And before you know it, you'll have success beyond your imaginings.

Dr. Tony Alessandra helps companies build customers, relationships, and the bottom-line. Tony has a street-wise, college-smart perspective on business, having fought his way out of NYC to eventually realizing success as a graduate professor of marketing, entrepreneur, business author, and consultant. Dr. Alessandra earned his MBA from the University of Connecticut---and his PhD in marketing from Georgia State University. He was inducted into the Speakers Hall of Fame in 1985

 

The one and only, Gary Vaynerchuk, tells an amazing story which is a great example of the importance of focusing on what we are good at.