Tag Archive for: success

Memory is everything; without our memory we have nothing. We must have an ability to recall information in order to learn and develop. Today brain research has uncovered fascinating discoveries relating to memory, yet we have only just begun to understand this mystery of the mind.

 

Most researchers focus on the brain and how the different parts are related to memory. This understanding is very important if we are ever going to truly understand ourselves. I find neuroscience to be a fascinating subject that has helped shape my understanding of the human condition however I don't want to look at the brain in regards to memory.

I instead want to focus on the mind and how it utilizes information in regards to our memory. I want to share my theory on how the two different minds (conscious and subconscious) work together to provide us with the ability of recall.

Most people know about short and long-term memory; and how these two systems work together to give us the ability of recall. I believe there is a third type of memory that I call temporary memory that helps fill in the gap between short and long-term memory. I want to go over each of the three types, show you how they work, and explain how the two minds are related.

Before we can remember something we must first take in the information to be stored. Our DNA does contain some information but for this topic I will be focused on information we have obtained from outside sources; meaning our five senses.


Pivotal Resource Centre       Topic          MEMORY


Everything we experience in life is the result of information coming in through our five senses. Without these senses we would have no experience of the world or have any information to be processed into memory. This incoming information is first sent to the subconscious mind.

The reason the subconscious gets the information first is because it's the survival mind and is much faster at processing information. We need it this way to allow us to react to events that involve an immediate threat to us such as being attacked or touching a hot stove.

After the subconscious mind determines if any action is needed or not; it sends a small amount of the information to the conscious mind were it becomes what we call our conscious awareness. We are only aware of a small part of what is going on around us. This is why two people can have the same experience yet have two different views of what happened.

The thing to keep in mind is just because the information is not consciously known doesn't mean it's lost. This information is still sitting there inside your head just waiting to be used. At the same time this information is not yet a part of your long-term memory. All this incoming information is stored in what I call temporary memory and is controlled by the subconscious mind.

If information is stored in temporary memory; how do we get it to become long-term memory? My theory is the subconscious mind processes this information and converts it to long-term memory when we sleep, specifically REM sleep. To me this is one of the reasons we have dreams. Dreams are nothing more than us becoming consciously aware of temporary memory being converted to long-term memory.




One way the subconscious processes information to be converted to long-term memory is by using emotional "tags". This means if an event has caused us to feel a strong emotion it gets linked to that emotion. When this information is converted to long-term memory it is arranged in such a way as to be easy to recall. In other words the more emotion involved the more the memory will be put at the "front of the line" and information with no emotions will be move to the back. This makes it easier to recall emotional events which are important when it comes to survival. This is why the subconscious is in control of this system.

Just because the conscious mind does not have direct control over this information, it can access it through a process of requesting information from the subconscious. When the conscious mind requests information the subconscious first looks in this temporary memory because it is smaller, easier to process, and most likely to be more relevant. If it can't find it in temporary memory then it will expand the search to long-term memory which can take longer to find because of the massive size of long-term memory.

That's why you can be trying to think of something and then forget about it, but later the answer will just pop into your head for no reason. Your subconscious continues to search without any conscious awareness of what is going on.

The subconscious also uses the information in temporary memory to influence our decisions and actions. This influence is the basis of subliminal programing and can be very powerful if used correctly. Subliminal programing doesn't turn people into walking zombies but can have a real effect on a person's conscious thought process.

As you can see the subconscious mind is very involved with our memory by working with both temporary and long-term memory. The concept of using temporary memory to hold information before being converted to long-term memory is a wonderful system that allows us to utilize information as its being taken in. The problem is temporary memory is a fixed size and this causes problems.

Have you noticed how you get mentally tired if you don't get proper sleep? A lack of sleep causes the temporary memory to become full which can lead to issues with being able to recall the information we want. Sleep is so important in maintaining a strong memory.

 


Pivotal Resource Centre       Topic          SLEEP


Lack of sleep is not the only thing that can cause issues with temporary memory; there is also what environment we find ourselves in.

I skipped over one of the steps in how information is processed because I felt it was too early in the flow of this article. When the subconscious first receives information it looks for any copies of that information in our long-term memory. If it finds an exact copy it will simply reinforce the long-term memory instead of sending it to temporary memory.

This is why we have better recall of something if we can look at the information from different angels or give the information more details. These things cause more copies of the information to be put into temporary memory that will then be converted to long-term memory. If all we do is look at something one way we only reinforce a single long-term memory; and memory is all about the number of links we create. So how is our environment involved in memory?

When you are in an environment you are familiar with you take in more "copy" information because you already have knowledge about what is around you; which causes less information to be stored in your temporary memory. When you are in an unfamiliar environment your temporary memory will fill more rapidly causing you to become mentally fatigued. This is why you feel mentally tired when on vacation or when trying to learn something new.

The final piece of this memory puzzle is of course short-term memory. The conscious mind uses short-term memory to process information it receives. Because of the highly analytically nature of the conscious mind it can only keep track of a very small amount of information. Short-term memory is the only form of memory that is controlled by the conscious mind.

If all of this seems confusing or overwhelming let me offer you a metaphor on how all this works that will make it easier to understand.

Your mind is like an office. Information comes in and first goes to the inbox (temporary memory). From there some of the paper work gets move from the inbox to the desk top (short-term memory).




With any desk top there is very limited space so you must work on just a couple of things at a time. You can move papers back and forth from the desk top to the inbox but can only work with a few things at a time.

Just as with temporary memory an inbox can only hold so much before it becomes a disorganized mess. To keep the inbox from getting too full papers are moved to a filing cabinet (long-term memory). From time to time we do move papers from the filing cabinet to the desk top as we need them (consciously becoming aware of something from long-term memory). However it can be hard and time-consuming in finding just what we are looking for.

I hope this metaphor helps with understanding how the three parts of memory work together to give us this amazing ability of recall. Memory is still a mystery yet we are moving in the right direction.

ARTICLE AUTHOR:  Jeremy T. Jordan is a dynamic Speaker and Personal Life Coach that specializes in the areas of Success, Happiness, and Fulfillment. He is the founder of Why U Can Life Management; a personal development system designed to empower people with the knowledge and skills of self-mastery. For more information on Jeremy T. Jordan or the Why U Can Life Management System go to his website http://www.whyucanlifemanagement.com

Stop! Check this out before you make any more goals!

Don't be like everyone else; most people make their goals incorrectly. You know, like the guy down the street with the brand new jogging shoes and suit. You want to bet he doesn't make it from January to March?

The one goal that many people make is to get into shape. (A friend of mine told me, I'm always in shape, sometimes apple shaped, and sometimes pear shaped) Now be honest. How many years have you made that resolution?

With goals in hand, it's off to the gym we go!

You know it's one of those moments where you feel like you've been here before. It's time to clear the mind and hit the weights. You have a lot of toning-up to do so you walk over to the weights. And start your journey to body perfection. And by mid January you're so sore and tired you're ready to give up.

It's really bad when you start looking for excuses not to go to the gym. But hang on; a good excuse will be coming just around the corner! It doesn't matter what it is, like the man said "any old excuse will do." So yours comes and you stop going to the gym.

There's a better way than quitting!

The secret to success is not to set those big goals.

I know... everyone... and I mean everyone will tell you to write down your goals, that one big goal so you can keep it in front of you. You know the drill, put it on the refrigerator, bathroom mirror, beside you bed so it's the first and last thing you see every day.

Tell me the truth. Do you really look at those big goals once you start falling behind? After a few weeks of getting further behind don't you just avoid them like the strange people that live next door?

Are you ready for a better way?

You are!

Great!

Set small, achievable goals!

Don't do like they tell you; set a goal something like "I will lose 40 pounds in three months."

The problem here my friend is when you miss the mark on the goal, you get discouraged and quit. And this is not good. If you aren't careful you will create a habit of quitting. And a habit that is let go for too long is hard to break.

For a goal to be achievable it has to become part of your routine. And to be part of your routine, you must rewire your brain.

So we set small goals, get some victories and start reprogramming the mind.

Start with something like "I will exercise for 10 minutes three days a week."

After you get your brain reprogrammed to the exercise routine, then you make incremental increases to your workout set.

You will add one more rep to a work set, or another exercise routine. A simple progression with proper performance of the exercise and persistence wins in the long run.

Then one day you will look back and be amazed at where you came from... and you will know where you're going.

Just to condense it, start small, then do incremental increases to your workout set that you properly do, and be persistent. Don't give up.

Bob Beavil is an avid sports enthusiast who loves to SCUBA dive, kayak, sail, and lift a few weights. To read more on goal setting visit http://www.mastermusclebuilding.com/bodybuilders-goal-setting.php

 

A 20-year study at Stanford University examined the career paths of thousands of executives to determine the qualities they had developed that enabled them to move ahead rapidly. Researchers concluded that there were two primary skills that were indispensable for men and women who were promoted to positions of great responsibility.

The first was the ability to function well in a crisis. It was the ability of the executive to keep his or her cool when the company or the department faced serious challenges or setbacks. It was the ability to calmly analyze the facts, gather information, reach conclusions, make decisions, and then mobilize other people to respond effectively and solve the problem.

The second skill these fast-trackers had developed was the ability to use their knowledge and talents to contribute to the success of a group of people in accomplishing a specific, common goal. In other words, they knew how to function well as a member of a team.

In this sense, you and your spouse are a team. When you volunteer in any charitable organization, all the people you work with are members of a team. If you have a social circle and you plan activities together, you are functioning as a team. And, of course, you and your coworkers make up a team.

Over the last few decades, the concept of teamwork in business has been evolving.

We came out of World War II with a strict "command and control" mentality. Most of the heads of American corporations, large and small, had been military officers, of various ranks, during the war. They brought their training into the workplace. Their approach to management was the pyramid style, with the president at the top, the senior executives below him, the junior executives below them, and so on - all the way down to the workers and support staff who made up the base of the pyramid. The orders traveled in one direction: downward. Information filtered up slowly. People were expected to do their job, collect their paycheck, and be satisfied.

However, with the advent of the computer age and, thus, the increasing complexity of even the smallest business operation, this management approach is changing. Just about every employee now has critical skills and knowledge that contribute to the overall success of a business.

For example, in our office, our receptionist has been promoted to the position of "front-office manager." Some years ago, when I started in business, the job of the receptionist was to answer the telephone and direct the callers to the appropriate people. Today, however, her job is far more complicated.

Since she is the first contact most customers have with our business, her personality and temperament are extremely important. The prospective client who telephones begins forming an impression of us the instant the telephone is answered. Then, because we do so many things, she must tactfully ascertain exactly how the caller may be best served and who to direct the call to. She also handles requests for further information and follow-up phone calls.

Her ability to handle these calls effectively, to direct calls to the right people, to take accurate messages, and to act as the core person in a network of communications, makes her job so important that it is essential for her to sit in on all staff meetings and be aware of everything that is going on.

Your job, too, probably requires you to know a lot about what is going on in the rest of the company. And the fastest and most accurate way of keeping current is to develop and maintain a network of contacts, an informal team of people within your workplace who keep you informed and who you keep informed in turn.

The old methods of command and control now exist only at old-line companies, many of which are fighting for their very survival. Today, men and women want to thoroughly understand what they are doing and why they are doing it. People are no longer satisfied to be cogs in a big machine. They want to have an integral role in achieving goals that they participated in setting in the first place.




If you want to achieve anything of consequence in business, you need the help and cooperation of lots of people. Your main objective should be to structure everything you do in such a way that, because you are constantly cooperating and working well with others, they are continually open to helping you achieve your goals as well.

Remember, in all your interactions with your team, to be supportive and helpful. The best team players I have ever seen are those whose comments to the other members of the team are in the form of suggestions on how things can be done better. The best team members are always offering to help other people after the meeting to get on top of some aspect of their work. This focus on collaboration and cooperation is seen by everybody and marks you as a person to be both liked and respected.

Many men and women have kicked their careers into the stratosphere by taking on a small responsibility and doing such a good job with it that they came to the attention of important people both inside and outside their organizations.

Author:  Brian Tracy

 

With the new year just around the corner, there are three powerful tips I'd like to share with you that'll not only make this your best year ever, but will lay the essential groundwork for abundance and prosperity beyond your wildest dreams for you and your loved ones in the years to come.

Here they are:

Powerful Tip #1 - Get your health in order.

In his book "The Art of Money Getting or Golden Rules for Making Money", the infamous P. T. Barnum wrote:

"The foundation of success in life is good health: that is the substratum fortune; it is also the basis of happiness. A person cannot accumulate a fortune very well when he is sick. He has no ambition; no incentive; no force. Of course, there are those who have bad health and cannot help it: you cannot expect that such persons can accumulate wealth, but there are a great many in poor health who need not be so."

How true...

Good health *is* the very foundation upon which wealth is built.

As a matter of fact...

As Ralph Waldo Emerson put it in his book "The Conduct of Life":

"The first wealth is health."

Because, as he went on to explain:

"Sickness is poor-spirited, and cannot serve any one: it must husband its resources to live. But health or fullness answers its own ends and has to spare, runs over, and inundates the neighborhoods and creeks of other men's necessities."




Hmmm...

Just about says it all, doesn't it? 🙂

The bottom line is...

Just as it'd be far easier for you to build a house when you're healthy than when you're not...

Wealth, success, happiness, and love are a whole heck of a lot easier to "build" when you're healthy than when you're not.

It's that simple. 🙂

Powerful Tip #2 - Decide what you want to be when you grow up.

Let me ask you...

When you think of Bill Gates, what do you think of?

Software, right?

When you think of Warren Buffet, what do you think of?

Investments, right?

When you think of Michael Dell, what do you think of?

Computers, right?

When you think of Donald Trump, what do you think of?

Real estate, right?

When you think of Sam Walton, what do you think of?

Discount stores, right?

When you think of J. K. Rowling, what do you think of?

Books, right?

When you think of Ray Kroc, what do you think of?

Fast food, right?

When you think of Wayne Huizenga, what do you think of?

Garbage, right?

When you think of Oprah Winfrey, what do you think of?

Television, right?

When you think of Tiger Woods, what do you think of?

Golf, right?

Now...

Think about it...

Besides having "a lot" of money, by most anyone's standards, what do *all* these "rich" folks have in common?

The answer?

Simple...

They all made their "money", at least initially, just as all great fortunes have been made, in *ONE* business or profession, *NOT* ten different businesses or professions, *ONE* business or profession.

In other words...

They got rich by deciding what they wanted to be when they grew up, choosing the *ONE* business or profession they wanted to be in, and then they focused on that *ONE* business or profession until they "made it".

Therefore...

If "riches" and "wealth" are what *you* want...

That's *exactly* what you must do as well!

Decide what it is you want to be when you grow up...

Choose the *ONE* business or profession you want to be in...

Then focus *exclusively* on that *ONE* business or profession until you "make it"!

Powerful Tip #3 - Spend more high-quality time with your loved ones NOW!

I can't even begin to tell you how many people have emailed me, over the last several years, telling me they wanted a million dollars so they can spend more time with their loved ones, more often than not their children.

Yep...

I can see it now...

There they are in one room, beating their head against their computer monitor trying to figure out how to make a million dollars on the Internet, while their son or daughter quietly sits in another room wondering why mommy or daddy won't play with them.

Ridiculous?

Sure is.

Farfetched?

Not in the least.

As a matter of fact...

Sadly...

That's *exactly* how the vast majority of people spend their entire lives...

Don't you be one of them!

Here's the deal...

You don't need a million dollars to spend more time with your loved ones.

As a matter of fact...

You don't need any money at all to spend more time with them!

Father and child, pivotal parenting

All you need is to make the commitment and the time to do so.

With that thought in mind...

I wish you and your loved ones the absolute best of holiday seasons and a wealthy, healthy, successful, and happy New Year!
-----
© Tony Mase - All Rights Reserved

Tony Mase is a serious student of the works of Wallace D. Wattles and the publisher of the "The Personal Power Course: Ten Lessons in Constructive Science, Teaching You How to Use Your Own Subconscious Energies for Health, Prosperity and Personal Achievement" ebook by Wallace D. Wattles..

 

Most people wish they read more.

It is an activity that is both fun and enlightening. It can help us be more knowledgeable and successful. However, it is an activity that many people don't engage in very much. According to the 1999 National Household Education Survey, 50% of the U.S. population aged 25 and over read a newspaper at least once a week, read one or more magazines regularly, and had read a book in the past 6 months.

What does this mean?

It means that 50% of the population hasn't read a book in the last six months!

Looking at the other end of the spectrum, research shows that if you read ten books a year, you are in the top few percent of all people as readers. Simply stated, it doesn't take much to be well read, but we do need to know how to get started. The following are ten suggestions to help you strengthen your reading habit - ways to find and make more time for reading.

1. Always have a book around. Don't go anywhere without reading material. Keep magazines or short stories in your bathroom. Always have something in your briefcase to read. Keep a book(s) by your bed. Having things available makes it easier for you to steal otherwise lost moments.

2. Set a reading goal. Determine how much time you want to spend reading, or how many books you want to read over time. Your goal might be a book a month, one per week, or it might be to read 30 minutes a day. Start out with something attainable but still a stretch. As your habit builds, you might set higher goals. Setting a goal is the first step towards reading more.

3. Keep a log. Keep a list of the books you have read, or keep track of how much time you read each day. You might keep these lists in your journal or your day planner. My son's log is on our refrigerator. My list and log are kept on my computer. It doesn't matter where you keep it, just do it.

4. Keep a list. Make a list of things you want to read in the future. Ask your friends and colleagues what they are reading. Watch for recommendations in the newspaper and magazines. Once you start looking for good books, you'll find them everywhere. This is a great way to keep your enthusiasm up. By knowing what great stuff you want to read, you will reinforce your reading habit.

5. Turn off the television. Many people say they just don't have enough time. Television is one of our major time consumers. Make your television watching more conscious and less habitual. There is nothing wrong with watching television shows you really enjoy. Where the time gets lost is turning it on, and scanning to find "something to watch." Those are the times to turn it off and pick up your book!

6. Listen when you can't read. Use your commute and other time spent in the car to listen! There are great audio versions of all sorts of books. Whether you want to "read" fiction, the latest self-help or diet book, it is probably available on tape. Don't get locked into the idea that you have to read it - listening to the book still gives you the experience, ideas, and imagination that reading a book can.

7. Join a reading group or book club. Reading groups typically meet once a month to discuss a book they have all decided to read. Committing to the group provides a bit more impetus to finish the book, and gives you a great forum for discussion and socialization around the book's themes.

8. Visit the library or bookstore often. You have your list, right? So you'll have some ideas of what you are looking for when you walk in. But there is more to be gained by walking through places where books reside than just to make a transaction. Take time to browse! Let your eyes find things of interest. Let serendipity happen. Browsing will feed your mental need to read, and give you plenty of new things to read.

9. Build your own strategy. Decide when reading fits your schedule. Some people read first thing in the morning, some before bed. Some decide to read as they eat their lunch. And there is more to your strategy than just timing. Make your own decisions about reading. It is OK to be reading more than one book at once. It is OK to stop reading something before you finish if it isn't holding your interest. It is OK to skim the book, getting what you want or need, without reading every page. Determine what works best for you, develop your own beliefs and ideas--then make them work for you.

10. Drop Everything and Read. My son's fourth grade class has DEAR (Drop Everything and Read) time. When the teacher calls for it, that's just what they do. They read now. That is my last piece of advice for you. Do it. Just get started. Make it DEAR time. Now.

 

©All Rights Reserved, Kevin Eikenberry. Kevin publishes Unleash Your Potential, a free weekly ezine designed to provide ideas, tools, techniques and inspiration to enhance your professional skills. Go to http://www.kevineikenberry.com/uypw/current.asp to read the current issue and subscribe. Kevin is also President of The Kevin Eikenberry Group, a learning consulting company that helps Clients reach their potential through a variety of training, consulting and speaking services. You may contact Kevin at toll free 888.LEARNER.  Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

 

1. Stop participating in the cultural rules. Commit to getting out the door on time. Who decided that you should work until 7:00 p.m.? How much is the time "you're devoting because you're a salaried employee and obligated to do what it takes to get the job done" worth?

2. Start meetings before 4:00 p.m. If you have some say or control regarding meeting times, schedule them to end by 4:30. Preferably, start meetings right after lunch. Block out your calendar beginning at 4:00 every day so people can't schedule with you. And don't ask people to begin projects at 4:45 PM. Respect their right to a life, too.

3. Be assertive. Don't be afraid to tell others, "I leave work at 5:00, on time, every day. I have a 5:30 commitment I must adhere to." It's none of their business that your commitment is with yourself or your family. People tend to support others when their goals are made public.

4. Schedule fixed office hours. If you have an assistant, block off certain hours a few days a week to accept appointments. Perhaps Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, you take appointments from 9:00 to 10:30 and 2:00 to 3:30. This way you don't have interruptions overlapping the time you're trying to leave the office.

5. Make preparations to leave. Gather up your coat and put it in a visible spot so others can see you're on your way out. Close your door a few minutes before quitting time so people will think you're busy or already gone. Whatever they want, it can wait until tomorrow.

6. Challenge your assumptions. Long hours aren't "the way it is." To reduce the time pressure you feel, decide to reclaim your day, not by working longer, but to finish your work within the workday. Don't focus on "catching up." You will never catch up. There will always be more things to do than time to do them. By being more productive during the day, you'll get the same amount of work done and leave earlier.

7. Start small. Pick a single day, perhaps Thursdays, to be "the" day you leave work on time. To support this decision, you will automatically begin to be more productive on Thursdays and work your day more carefully. Keep working on productivity skills and adding more days, until you're working your 40-hour workweek again and accomplishing even better results.

..................................................................

Laura Stack, MBA, CSP, is president of The Productivity Pro, Inc., an international consulting firm specializing in productivity improvement in high-stress industries and is the media's go-to expert on personal productivity and workplace issues. Laura is the author of the bestselling book Leave the Office Earlier (Broadway Books). She has appeared on many top news media outlets including CNN, NBC-TV, NPR, Bloomberg, the New York Times, and numerous leading magazines. Laura presents keynotes and seminars on surviving information overload, managing multiple priorities, reducing stress, and balancing work and family. (C) Copyright Laura Stack, MBA, CSP. All rights reserved.

Photo by rawpixel.com on Unsplash

Do you hate to write? Does it take you a long time to get the words on the page? Usually when people struggle to write, it’s because they are trying to edit as they go along. There is an easier way to write and be more creative!

 

Step 1 - Write

It’s hard to be creative if you’re editing at the same time. When you begin your writing project don’t think about word choices or punctuation. Just write. Don’t read your work. Just write. It will be difficult at first because you will be tempted to make changes. Resist the temptation! Just write. You’ll find that thoughts and ideas start flowing once you stop editing. When you’ve finished writing put it away for a couple of days. When you take it out, become the editor and start making your changes.

Step 2 - Edit

Read through your work, then mark the parts you want to change or revise. Focus in on the paragraphs, sentences and words that need revision. Get more specific with each round of edits. Read the piece again, then focus in on specific passages, sentences, paragraphs that you want to shape up. When you’re finished, read the entire piece again.

Now would be a good time to use the spell checker. However, don’t depend on it to catch all of the errors. If you write “your” and you really meant “you’re” the spell checker won’t catch it. It’s not a misspelled word. Unless your spell checker points out commonly confused words, it won’t find the problem.




Step 3 - Listen

Satisfied with your changes? Read your work out loud so that you’ll be more likely to catch missing words, incorrect tenses or repetitive phrases. It will also allow you to catch places where perhaps a word can be changed to a more appropriate one, or a sentence can be reworked so that it flows better. Make additional revisions and read it again.

If time permits, put your work away for another day or two. Give yourself some distance from the work, so when you read it again you’ll be less likely to be filling in words or meanings that aren’t there. You’ll be able to see it as though you were reading it for the first time. If possible have someone else read it and give you feedback. Perhaps another “pair of eyes” will find that a thought or concept isn’t coming across as you intended.

You know what you want to say, but that doesn’t mean that your readers will get it. Having someone else read the work will give you another perspective. In fact, it would be better to have a few people read it, especially if your work will be presented to a large audience. Take the feedback and determine what makes sense and what doesn’t. For instance, if the majority of your feedback mentions a specific issue, pay attention.

Allow yourself to write whatever comes to mind without editing. Let your ideas flow and you’ll see how easy it is to get your words on the page.

Autor Deborah A. Bailey, Writing Services Central, LLC
Deborah A. Bailey is a professional writer and owner of Writing Services Central, LLC. Her company provides expert writing and editing services to entrepreneurs. Subscribe to the free monthly ezine for writing and editing tips and articles at http://www.writingservicescentral.com

The second in a four-part series on effective listening.
By Kellie Fowler

In the last issue of the Mind Tools newsletter, we discussed something that some might believe to be obvious: That listening well is one of life's great challenges.

We saw how important it is possess and project a true desire to hear the messages that other people are sending us, to listen carefully, and to take the time to clearly reiterate the message before walking away. And we saw the importance of active listening, rather than the combative or passive approaches to listening which lie behind much failed communication.

Sure, this may sound like hard work, but remember that listening, really listening with our whole being, is a skill and one of the most important compliments we can give another human being.

To do this, you should know that there are different levels of communication. Now, you should also know that the different types of interaction or the levels of communication might also contribute to the level of difficulty or misunderstanding, or impede the true hearing of any message.

Three different types or levels of communication are:

  1. Facts
  2. Thoughts/Beliefs
  3. Feelings/Emotions

As listeners, we tend to “tune-in” to the level we think is most important. However, we may have no idea what the speaker thinks is most important, and this can create misperceptions or crossed wires, which yield the most undesirable results.

Sure, the purpose of the conversation and even the relationship you have with the speaker will influence what levels are used for the interaction. Even so, these will still vary. To best understand this, consider the differences in these verbal communications:

  • You are lost and ask a gas station attendant for directions.
  • Your spouse or loved one is being affectionate and playful.
  • Your boss is reprimanding you for a costly mistake you made.
  • Your child falls down and is injured and comes running to you hurting and crying for your help.

Considering these, it is easier to see that if you do not hear and address the appropriate elements of the communication, the situation can quickly worsen: A factual response to your child’s pain would seem cold and uncaring. And a belief-oriented response to the gas station attendant would probably be seen as peculiar!

Thus, it is important to consider all that goes into the message you are hearing, as well as the words themselves.

While seemingly elementary, there are quick and easy steps you can take to ensure that you hear the words, factor in the situation and even consider the sender’s motivation and desirable outcome. These include:

  • First and foremost, stop talking! It is difficult to listen and speak at the same time.
  • Put the other person at ease. Give them space and time and "permission" to speak their piece. How we look at them, how we stand or sit, makes a huge difference: Relax, and let them relax as well.
  • Show the other person that you want to hear them. Look at them. Nod when you can agree, ask them to explain further if you don't understand. Listen to understand them and their words, rather than just for your turn.
  • Remove distractions. Good listening means being willing to turn off the TV, close a door, stop returning emails or reading your mail. Give the speaker your full attention, and let them know they are getting your full attention.
  • Empathize with the other person. Especially if they are telling you something personal or painful, or something you intensely disagree with, take a moment to stand in their shoes, to look at the situation from their point of view.
  • Be patient. Some people take longer to find the right word, to make a point or clarify an issue. Give the speaker time to get it all out before you jump in with your reply.
  • Watch your own emotions. If what they are saying creates an emotional response in you, be extra careful to listen carefully, with attention to the intent and full meaning of their words. When we are angry, frightened or upset, we often miss critical parts of what is being said to us.
  • Be very slow to disagree, criticize or argue. Even if you disagree, let them have their point of view. If you respond in a way that makes the other person defensive, even if you "win" the argument, you may lose something far more valuable!
  • Ask lots of questions. Ask the speaker to clarify, to say more, give an example, or explain further. It will help them speak more precisely and it will help you hear and understand them more accurately.
  • STOP TALKING! This is both the first and the last point, because all other tools depend on it. Nature gave us two ears and only one tongue, which is a gentle hint that we should listen twice as much as we talk.

Becoming an effective listener is not a lengthy or particularly challenging process. Even poor listening habits can be easily changed and in the final two articles in this four-part series on listening, we provide proven tips and techniques that you can use to become a more effective listener. More in our next issue!

Reproduced from the Mind Tools Newsletter.  ã http://www.mindtools.com  To subscribe to the newsletter, send a blank email to: join-mindtools@atomic.sparklist.com.