1. Take another perspective. Imagine what the other person is thinking and feeling; try to understand how things look from that person's perspective. This includes a frank examination of the flaws or weaknesses of your own position. Ask open-ended questions and set aside your assumptions. Rephrase, restate or summarize what you think has been said. Empathize and let the other person know when you understand. Ask for examples to clarify the issues when you don't.
2. Create solutions. Make it your priority to generate new ideas and creative alternatives rather than a personal victory. Begin by identifying each other's motives, goals and agendas and clarifying points of mutual agreement and interdependence. Together, come up with every possible solution without evaluating them. Express alternative points of view in the form of a question, such as "Would another solution be X?" Most importantly, be willing to compromise.
3. Express emotions. Talk honestly and directly to the other person. Learn to communicate your feelings, but be sure the expression of the emotions is helpful to the process. Choose your words carefully. Keep them both courteous and professional. Explain how you feel and why. Express information in ways that cast no blame. Don't let your own hot buttons interfere with the process. Request a time out if you need to think about how you want to express yourself.
4. Reach out. Try to repair emotional damage caused by the conflict; make the first move to get the communication started again. Ask yourself, "How do I want to be viewed after the conflict is over?" Follow up with the person with whom you were in conflict. Express your sincere desire to understand. Admit responsibility for your contribution to the conflict. Ask what you can do to make amends.
5. Reflect and think. Analyse the situation to determine the best course of action and reflect on the best way to proceed. Note your initial reaction to a conflict and consider why you responded the way you did. Consider the impact of differences in style and opinions. Carefully review alternative reactions and the pros and cons of each. Organize your thoughts and strategies. Give others time as well for reflective thinking.
6. Delay response. Often the best tactic is to delay your response until the situation has settled down. Call for a time out when tensions or emotions are interfering with problem solving. Remind yourself that a delay in responding does not mean avoiding or ignoring the conflict. After calming down, re-focus and engage in reflective thinking. Return to confronting the conflict constructively.
7. Adapt. Try to stay flexible and optimistic, making the best of the situation. Look forward, not back. Think thoughts that lead you toward adapting and accepting. Communicate your optimism that things will work out. Seek out sympathetic co-workers or friends when you need to "unload" or get a pep talk. If opportunities to reconcile or resolve the conflict arise, keep trying. Be professional in your attitude, words and behaviour. Avoid sarcasm, cynicism and negative or hostile humour.

From:  Leading Effectively drawing on the following three CCL Ideas into Action guidebooks:

• Managing Conflict with Direct Reports
• Managing Conflict with Your Boss
• Managing Conflict with Peers

About Brenda McManigle
Brenda McManigle is responsible for the quality and delivery of the Foundations of Leadership program at CCL's San Diego, California campus. She also conducts needs assessment, instructional design and instruction for custom programs.