November, 2016 - Pivotal

Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals

An eminent social psychologist offers insight into how goals work and the sources of self-defeating behaviors, and provides strategies for problem solving, achieving resiliency, and increasing willpower.

Just in time for New Year's resolutions, learn how to reach your goals-finally-by overcoming the many hurdles that have defeated you before.

Most of us have no idea why we fail to reach our goals. Now Dr. Heidi Grant Halvorson, an award-winning, rising star in the field of social psychology shows us how to overcome the hurdles that have defeated us before.

Dr. Grant Halvorson offers counterintuitive insights, illuminating stories, and science-based information that anyone can use immediately, including how to:

• Set a goal to pursue "even" in the face of adversity
• Build willpower, which can be strengthened like a muscle
• Avoid the kind of positive thinking that makes people fail

The strategies outlined in this book will not only help everyone reach their own goals but will also prove invaluable to parents, teachers, coaches, and employers. Dr. Grant Halvorson shows readers a new approach to problem solving that will change the way they approach their entire lives.

Even very smart, very accomplished people are very bad at understanding why they succeed or fail.

Whether you want to motivate your kids, your employees, or just yourself, "Succeed" unlocks the secrets of achievement, and shows you how to create new possibilities in every area of your life.

You can watch this video for a useful summary of some of the most relevant points Dr Halvorson makes:

About the author: Dr Heidi Grant Hulvorson is a social psychologist who researches, writes, and speaks about the science of motivation. She is the Associate Director of the Motivation Science Center at the Columbia Business School, and author of the best-selling books: Succeed: How We Can All Reach Our Goals, Nine Things Successful People Do Differently, Focus: Use Different Ways of Seeing The World for Success and Influence (co-written with E. Tory Higgins), and The 8 Motivational Challenges.

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Books

Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life

At last, a book that shows you how to build -- design -- a life you can thrive in,

at any age or stage

Designers create worlds and solve problems using design thinking.

Look around your office or home--at the tablet or smartphone you may be holding or the chair you are sitting in. Everything in our lives was designed by someone. And every design starts with a problem that a designer or team of designers seeks to solve.

In this book, Bill Burnett and Dave Evans show us how design thinking can help us create a life that is both meaningful and fulfilling, regardless of who or where we are, what we do or have done for a living, or how young or old we are.

The same design thinking responsible for amazing technology, products, and spaces can be used to design and build your career and your life, a life of fulfillment and joy, constantly creative and productive, one that always holds the possibility of surprise.

"Designing Your Life walks readers through the process of building a satisfying, meaningful life by approaching the challenge the way a designer would. Experimentation. Wayfinding. Prototyping. Constant iteration. You should read the book. Everyone else will."
Daniel Pink, bestselling author of Drive

This [is] the career book of the next decade and . . . the go-to book that is read as a rite of passage whenever someone is ready to create a life they love. David Kelley, Founder of IDEO

An empowering book based on their popular class of the same name at Stanford University . . . Perhaps the book's most important lesson is that the only failure is settling for a life that makes one unhappy. With useful fact-finding exercises, an empathetic tone, and sensible advice, this book will easily earn a place among career-finding classics.
Publishers Weekly"

About the Author
About Bill Burnett: BILL BURNETT is the executive director of the Design Program at Stanford. He is available for select readings and lectures. To inquire about a possible appearance, please contact Penguin Random House Speakers Bureau at speakers@penguinrandomhouse.com or visit www.prhspeakers.com.
About Dave Evans: DAVE EVANS is an adjunct lecturer in the Product Design Program at Stanford, a management consultant, and a co-founder of Electronic Arts www.designingyour.life. He is available for select readings and lectures. To inquire about a possible appearance, please contact Penguin Random House Speakers Bureau at speakers@penguinrandomhouse.com or visit www.prhspeakers.com.

Book Discussion Guide

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Pivotal Kids

Formswift Maths Lesson Plans

[Quick public speaking tip] 3 Ways you need to use listening if you are speaking to persuade

It's not just speaking ... when we speak to persuade.

Successful persuasion also lies in the ability to actively listen, even, and especially, in the field of public speaking.

Successful speaking to persuade relies on knowing your audience.

What are their needs and wants?

How are they thinking about your proposal?

What are they likely to favour about it?

What is going to stand in the way of them being persuaded?

What are their doubts?

What are their objections?

What are the obstacles to them moving forward with your suggestions?

Listen to them - before the presentation - survey them, talk to them, ask the event organiser about them - and listen.

Listen to them - during the presentation - ask them questions - and listen.

Successful speaking to persuade relies on seeing moments where you can gain agreement - maybe a comment or question from your audience, a situation from which you can draw an analogy, maybe a report back from a group discussion.

Listen for those and keep a line of thinking open that will allow you to use those moments to really amp up the energy of your speaking response.

Successful speaking to persuade relies on your being adaptable. It's one of the lessons I teach in my workshops and seminars on PowerPoint. Be prepared to change the course or direction of your presentation. If it seems that your audience puts value on one point or discussion over another, or if the feedback, comments or discussion suggests that a different direction would work best, then be prepared to change the structure of the presentation that you had prepared in advance.

This means that not only is your structure working for you. It also means that you are building trust. You care enough about your audience to change direction for them and you are confident enough in your material and your beliefs to change direction for them.

Listen, then, to their comments, to their suggestions and the tone of their discussions.

So I have covered three areas of listening that will build the success of your persuasive speaking - knowing your audience, watching for opportunities to ramp up the energy and being adaptable.

Do you use any other listening techniques to successfully persuade?

PivotalU, PivotalU article, Public speaking

Quick Public Speaking tip – Gestures, naturally

Natural gestures are basically the aim for any public speaker.

We watch an excellent speaker, and maybe we notice their gestures.

I said "maybe" because if he or she is an excellent speaker, we should not be noticing their gestures. We should be taking in the whole package as a message,

without noticing how it is done.

A major measure of excellence in any sort of craft, of course, is not noticing how it was done, unless we deliberately look or search..

If you suspect that are not a natural gesturer, ask yourself

"Is this a cause for concern?"

What does it mean to be "not a natural gesturer"?

Probably this is a person who is self-contained and does not need to gesture to keep their brain functioning or the speech flowing.

Not a person of flamboyance.

Why does it matter?

Get a second opinion, and a third and a fourth if necessary.

It may be that you are communicating successfully without many gestures.

If the feedback says that you need to improve -

and the reason given is that your presentation feels wrong, or rigid or unnatural

(NOT for the reason that it doesn't fit a set of rules that someone feels should be followed for no other reason than that they are rules),

then you can work on them.

The first step to take is to learn to stand with your arms wide open.

Get comfortable doing that.

Feel grounded doing that.

Feel yourself expand out to the audience doing that, while remaining grounded and in your own space.

Once you have established that feeling, it may be a simple progression to loosen up and become expansive with gestures,

flowing along with the emotion and flow of your speech.

If not, then you can learn to gesture - there are any number of general styles and specific movements that I have shared with clients over the years, but those who needed them were quite few.

Find the gesture,

then practise it, and practise it, and practise it until it becomes natural and flows with the language it supports. If it is not natural or flowing, keep practising until it is does, because otherwise it will look incongruous and you may as well have not gestured at all.

I remember my days of representing my high school in competition speaking and being coached to put my finger on my nose when talking about people putting on sunscreen.

For days it felt weird, contrived, uncomfortable.

Eventually, though, with days and days of practice and a supportive teacher-coach, it became natural and I could produce it naturally.

It felt good.

It felt right.

It felt appropriate.

And furthermore, having relaxed through that performance, gradually, I learned to relax into natural gestures.

That was a child, nervous, aware of a very critical judgement as she spoke, and aware, too, of the people who had put in so much effort so she could win for them and the school.

With adult clients, I find those who need some guidance to "loosen up", generally do so quite naturally as they learn to believe in themselves and their message, along with the practice of standing with open body language and relaxing.

If you speak with passion - for your subject and for your audience's outcomes - your body will support your message.

Even if you make no gestures, your stance, your facial expressions and your eye contact, will work powerfully to support that passion and your message.

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Member Profile for Lynne Cargill and Calm Yourself

Lynne teaches a variety of simple techniques to help you experience peace of mind and be in touch with your inner wisdom.

Books, PivotalU, Public speaking

From Anxious to Awesome – A-H-A you can speak with confidence

Lifestyle, Parenting, Pivotal Kids

A 10-Year-Old’s Marching Orders for the Upcoming School Year

In my opinion, based on my own personal experience, kids function best when they're real clear about exactly what's expected of them in any given situation or under any particular set of circumstances.

Every year since he first began school, in the day or two prior to the beginning of each new school year, I've sat down with my son, who's now ten years old, to "lay down the law", so to speak, about exactly what I expected of him in school and to issue him his "marching orders" for the upcoming school year.

This year won't be any exception. Although my expectations for him haven't changed over the last several years, with a new school year about to begin, I've been thinking about them again in preparation for our annual talk together and thought I'd take a few moments to share them with you.

Here they are:

Expectation #1 - I expect him to behave himself and treat others as he'd like to be treated.

The first and single, most important thing I expect of him in school is to be polite, mind his manners, and treat others as he'd like to be treated.

All three elements of this expectation are very closely related and because he understands *why* they're important, he has no trouble whatsoever living up to them.

Here's why...

One summer day, shortly before he started school, we were driving somewhere (probably a toy store :-)), when, seemingly out of nowhere, he asked me what I knew about this "God thing", as he phrased it.

As simply as I could put it, I shared with him my personal belief...

Essentially...

That One is All and All is One. That one Intelligent Substance manifests itself as what appears to be many elements of the material world.

Simply put...

We're all made from the same Stuff, a Thinking Stuff.

After I finished my simplified explanation of this concept, he sat there quietly for a moment or two, staring out the car window, then he looked at me and said...

"Daddy, that makes sense!"

And, with "ah-ha" written all over his face, he added...

"So that's why you're always telling me to love my neighbor as myself and to treat other people the way I want to be treated, because we're all one, right Daddy?"

At age five...

He got it! 🙂

Expectation #2 - I expect him to do his best.

Unlike many, if not most, parents and teachers, I could care less what his grades in school are...

Really!

You should see the look on people's faces, especially his teachers, when I tell them this. 🙂

So, what do I expect?

Simple...

I expect him to put everything he's got into everything he does and do the best work he can possibly do.

Throughout his writings, Wallace D. Wattles, best known for his classic masterpiece "The Science of Getting Rich", repeatedly stresses the importance of doing all you can do each day and doing each separate act in the most perfect
manner possible.

That's *exactly* what I expect of him!

If, every single day, he does *all* he can do that day and if, every single day, he does each separate thing he does in school in the most *perfect* manner possible, with the purpose of learning...

And that, in the opinion of his teachers and/or the school system, earns him an "A"...

Great!

If it earns him a "B"...

Great!

If it earns him a "C"...

Great!

If it earns him a "D"...

Great!

If it earns him an "F"...

Great...

I really don't care! 🙂

Why?

Because doing everything you can do each day and doing each separate thing you do in the most perfect manner possible with a purpose is the secret to success in anything and if he just learns this one lesson and applies it, he'll be successful in life regardless of what his grades in school are.

Expectation #3 - I expect him to have fun.

Life is meant to be fun, not a bore, and I expect him to have fun in school.

Now...

Please understand...

I don't expect him to be the "class clown" or a "wise guy".

However...

I do expect him to look for ways to make his "work" fun.

If he learns how to make his "work" fun, he'll never have to "work" a day in his entire life.

Well...

There you have them...

My ten-year-old's "marching orders" for the upcoming school year.

In prior school years, because he's been very clear about exactly what I expected of him in school and because he's been very clear about exactly why I expected those things of him, he's never failed to live up to my expectations and make me very proud of him...

I don't expect this school year to be any different. 🙂

-----

Tony Mase is a serious student of the works of Wallace D. Wattles and the publisher of the "A Powerful Life: The Lost Writings of Wallace D. Wattles" ebook by Wallace D. Wattles...

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